Communication Breakdown

Activity sequent of yesterday: sleep-cycle-exam-YM- *brakes* Give Love advices!

Woho... Something seems to be off here. Moi, giving love advices. It's like mixing asam pedas with curry in the same plate. Other than giving me more reason to go to the loo (which I love) (don't ask me why) (madba: why?) (intruder alert), it is just NOT RIGHT! But I did and it was *self absorbed* a success story to be perfectly honest (honest). The problem was.. I make long story short lah...

Guy interested on girl.. girl tak layan at first.. then layan jugak... jadi couple.. got intimate... sudden communication breakdown ... girl don't understand.... guy tak layan .... girl tertanya-tanya.... he likes me or not... but I love him...

Didn't take even a minute to get the grasp of the situation but she explained it for two bloody hours until my Nescafe Cappucino Freeze campur ice-cream vanila looks like a surface of a freshly shakened longkang...

"Cannot drink while listening" said Lilian Too. "Cannot one.. you'll drink up all you luck like that!" says the fat Harvard-educated-businesswoman. "Ya ka?" asked Afiq idiotically to the tv screen. "Ya!" she answered. Afiq looked around, eyes potruding, no one around. Off the tv, take out the astro card, baca bismillah and jampi serapah, tiup to the card, On astro, watch Disney Channel.

Where was I? aha... then I introduced her a simple analogy: imagine you and you bf as two empty coke glasses.

It's empty because you don't really know each other yet. Give them a force of momentum and you'll hear a long, out of tone, cling.. That's how interesting both of you are to each other now.

Then imagine when you know your bf well enough and vice-versa; equivalant of a full coke bottles. Now try the -cheers- again. Not a single tiiiiing or clank. What's wrong lah? you'll probably ask. Why so distant lah? Why so quiet one?

Maybe.........................just maybe it's time to...

Drink Up

Your emotion had transcended a certain level of understanding and now it's time for action. Yes, SEX! So get married and you'll live happily ever..*screeching sound of car braking*... I'll live you to that lah..

If you're not ready to get married, why even think of having an intimate relationship at the first place? Whylah? Don't ask me. *sings* I am 18 going on 19, i will take care of you.... (Sound of Music; the age ader tukar sket)

Hi Lauren

Emmm.....(meditational stance) What do you do when you get mad? Drink spoilled milk, eat loads and loads of durian before you're realized that durian is not in season and you'll go "what the fuck did I ate?"

Some will smoke like the Kajang Satay gerai. Some will drink like they're a 40 year old virgin and have been in the Gobi desert for weeks. I did those things a few weeks ago (except for jalan2 at the desert) and it's worse than anything bad-evil-gore I've done before, possibly because of the overwhelming guilt. Or maybe I vommited cats and dogs at a longkang nearby. Not much of a dignified pose..

But before long, I realized that my escape from anger has always been eating a 4 course dinner consisting of nasi goreng, nasai beriyani, char keow teow, and.. and... and... deep fried chicken butts on stick *lips trembling* wah....Sedapnye.... It's better off that cocain, marijuana, ganja and hundreds of purple coloured pills (u knowlah... that pill..) My mishmash of delicacies (char keow teow = delicacy??) is way way way way way better than doing drugs and alcohol..

You mesti dah naik pelik, what does my pics have anything to do with food and drugs.

It's my poem diary. It's a simple anger-reliever. Get angry. Open Lauren. The diary's name is Lauren and write poems lah.. Express my feelings so the future-me bleh tengok the progress of my spiritual wellbeing.. *coughs bUllShiT*

*still coughing bUlLsHit* And whenever I finish my piece, I'll write: Thanks God, Thanks Lauren sign....MadBa.

Hampeh.. Char Keow Teow is far better than my Lauren lah. Daulat Char Keow Teow, mana titah patik junjung.

Long Live CHAR KEOW TEOW!!!!

Afiq contemplates....

My few brushes with molesters.
You'll laugh, I know you will but you'll never know how it feels to a playtoy of really sick psychos. Blame it on my soft-spoken attitude or demenour. Or the fact that I'm a fair-skinned Malaysian. Blame myself? I will not do such thing! Yet another disclaimer: If you're prone to nausea, stop reading.

My first encounter was at school when I was 11 years old. A trip with a few friends to a mall turned havoc. Having the habit of going to the toilet after every meal, I was more than reluctant to endure the -yuckkish- atmosphere of a public toilet. Two of my friends were waiting outside the toilet. I went to a cubicle with the door open (i was only peeing) when a forty something malay glanced at me from the large mirror, winking. Nothing lagi.. Then he went to my cubicle and closed the door and unzipped his pants. I was partly confused. Another part of me was curious. I mean wtf is he going to do? Pop goes the weasel! I crawled down the door opening, trying to make an escape but he pulled the tip of my pants. It was a 2 minute struggle until I manage to escape, only to cry, running for help.

Another incident happened when I was about 14. A guy (indonesian) kept following me at the mall and directed me to a lonely pathway (the one they usually have at the back of malls) He opened his shirt and muttered something I could barely understand and proceed chasing after me. Only God knows how scared I was. I manage to find a fire-emergency staircase and made my escape.

They are several more brushes within this period... incidents I'm never pleased to tell.

when I was 16, I was nearly molested by a teacher. Which was even more scary because I knew him well. He gave my piano lessons and stuff and sometimes brought me to public speaking competitions.. He texted me, telling me details like the size of his penis and stuff. I was only 16. I recalled him telling me that his penis was 5 inches. I laughed it off. I texted him back "stop smsing me.. your brader kecik la cikgu.. lol." He was taken by that statement and I told my counsellor about it she sorted things from then on...

And now, I'm still a victim of these psychos but I manage to shrug it off by becoming violently rude when intervened. Effective jugak...

Hmm... time for meditational silence.......

Phone Sex

Heard of phone sex..yep, this is actual phone sex
another worthless disclaimer: I will not be responsible if minors 40 years and below watch the obscene video....tooot...tooot...teeets...i mean tooot......


In a world of drama, style and abused fashion, a group of young adults females rejoiced.... and so be it.. they are the... (drum roll please..)................... CLIQUES!

To be in one, one must sign an contract:

And Kathy is hereby a member of the Clique. Lovely. But what do they do in real life? Why are they so different from us? Excuse my Jawa but this is what I perceived to be their activities.

1. Camera whoring and post them everywhere anywhere with tags like me, ettie, kathy, amy and lina (zaitun, khadijah, aminah and amalina)

2.Discussions revolves around one of their cheating boyfriends, one of their loving boyfriends, one of their rich boyfriends and one of their handsome boyfriends. Don't get me wrong, all of them will experience each situation one at a time... wouldn't be fun if there's two cheating boyfriend eh?

3.They'll break up publicly via phone (imagine 5 girls memberi semagat sandwiching a girl with a cellphone)

4. A proper definition of them:

The only thing that is necessary for a clique to form is the existence of a small set of people less willing to criticize each other than to criticize others.

I just happened to follow a friend to a Kebab restaurant and without warning, a clique joined us. They pretty much ignored me and was more preoccupied about one of the clique's cheating boyfriend. Other than that, they rate every male around and boasted about their celebrity friends and so on and so forth... they reminded me of the movie Mean Girls but being Malaysian, they should get themselves whammed by a monorail. A better perspective from the rail then diorang can view KL as Kuala Lumpur not KLCC

Annoyed me a bitlah.. Not so much as they don't layan anyone else who comes across them. Urgh.. It's really none of my business but their supposition of being one of the clique bothers me..

Disclaimer: I did not intend to hurt anyone. Need a glass of water anyone?

I'm so calm; it's ridiculous! A short log this will be: I overslept and came late for the final exam. I was't allowed to sit for the exam and had to write an appeal, which I did. And I did so calmly. Thumbs up! Maybe reality belum check in lagi... we'll see if I freak out later on..
Lagi 7 hours till exam... tick tock tick tock....

I think I'm in love. It's too early to tell but I want to let it flourish. I want us to build trust and compassion with each other. I don't think it is nessecary to court her and declare our relationship. Love doesn't work that way. I'll go with the flow.....

enough is enough

I've had enough with

I will be reporting this website to the media ASAP. It's a porn blog showing malay couples having sex. Boycott it. Just in case you are a seraching for that blog and you came across mine, remember that sex is an act of intimacy and love not a material for self-pleasuring.. Please change your mind and e-mail your long lost relatives or something. Rumah tumpangan sabul are for perverts. Pervs.

Ethnicity, afiq's bday and little Aibo

Aibo is just too cute....It gave me a "hello" and when asked "Do you know Mawi?" it'll answer "Yes, of course" It is not a fan of Siti though..

The Aibo belongs to my Hariz, a cousin of mine.
Afiq(tiba-tiba sampuk): Bapak, my birthday is coming up and I think I'm begining to get the visual idea of my 19th birthday present.
Bapak: Gulp...
Ah yes, this is my thestar newspaper entry of "Foreign-ed stories of local delicacies"
If you’re a travel magazine enthusiast as myself, you'll noticed that various local travel magazines (I won't name any) identify our country as a food heaven and suggestions of local restaurants and cafes are countless like the petai in sambal petai. Before I ditch anything beyond reasoning, don't get me wrong; I'm whole heartedly a Malaysian food lover. Why, everything edible and Halal presented in front of me will be devoured in split seconds.

What bothers me is how these local magazines describe our food. Ever heard of the word exotic and ethnic? Give it a full throttle with some dictionary and you'll come to realized that it means foreign, strange and unusual. FYI, excuse my IT lingo; these words are used profusely when describing Malaysian food. Curries are considered exotic and traditional, asam pedas are purely ethnic, ABC: variation of exotic beans and jellies! Are we not Malaysian to realize that those few examples are common dishes in restaurants nation-wide? Why do these magazines depict them as such? Are we strangers in our own country? It seems more appalling to know that these magazines are not published anywhere else outside the country. So let us leave our spoons and forks or wash our hands and make our fingers free for letters and e-mails; some Malaysian writers needs to be 'chillied' by the likes of us patriotic food lovers.

a queueing pig

Studio Barbeque last night. It bothers me a bit when people call it B-B-Q. It sounds so Japanese! It makes us look bad(in general) because it signifies snackfood's flavour's significance (as opposed to the *sky grumbles* Dictionary....)

Eventhough pressed many times by countless people, I still manage to forget that there's a gift exchanging event that night. Bicycle grand prix to the convenient store; bought a dozen of soya cappucino air kotak and a tabloig mag and vroom!!!

The barbequeing was both sweaty and filling. I prefer it raw; sausages and crab filaments. I mean who actually eats barbequed crab filaments. They're not even meant to be cooked. So I ate them with thaousand island dressing and everyone was all "Yuck", "afiq ni geli la". Sigh... But, but, restaurants usually have it served raw with salad and dressing.. They wouldn't believe me! Another sigh..whatever..

What greater motivation that to read motivation bits from a guy who had decided to lose weight by walking around his country. If he's singaporean, why bother? But he's american! Can you imagine yourself walking around America. Phew.. I can't even imagine myself taking a stroll around UIA.. His website is at my linkies,,,,..

3 days statistics

I registered in Statcounter 3 days ago and I'd got all the statistics that might be funny or amusing (stats are collected in 3 days jelah)

-66% people who 'searched' their way to my blog actually searched for the keyword AKSI PANAS .. haha.. highlighting this word again would boost visit.. Pasrah.. aksi panas
-77% Malaysian, 14% Newzealanders (kid and farah latuh), 2 singaporeans, 2 americans, canadians and brazilians.
-Most ppl went through madbasays before entering this site thus makes madba more popular Darn u MADBA!!!!
- To increase visits in Malaysia, I would have to use words such as these to attract Malaysians. Here goes.. I'd cencored it, don't worry. But if you really want to know, left click belowlah. But i reckon u wouldn't (reverse psychology konon)

puki, terlondeh, tetek, cipap, amput,seks, sex, vagina, cunt, pussy, gay, lesbian, malay gay,malay lesbian, melayu seks, uitm seks, awek londeh, strip, bogel, telanjang, ranjang, Mawie, AF4, Khai, Siti Nurhaliza, George Bush sucks, Al-Qaedah, Pamela Anderson, Steve Vaught, WWE diva, USA, Canada, Condoleeza Rice, (if ur reading this... excuse my french..)

Genius eh?

This is where I eat lunch on weekends and dinner on pasar malam night. ... Curious eh? Why com beside bed? I enjoy typing while lying on my bedlar...
This couple were married for over 3 months now

A day in Afiq's room

Life in a room....
I spent the whole day in my room yesterday, something I've never done before since I moved in and to be perfectly honest, it is not boring... it's... quite interesting. I think the word 'quite' doesn't suit my newfound interest in 'masuk ladang kambing' when I'm a lembu

Sound check: aside from my low volumed music emmiting from my speakers, the general atmosphere transported me from Gombak or KL to elsewhere. Early mornings are misty, with monkeys leaping from one branch to another. The air is damped but fresh, like watermelon. And the thick accented shouts like "Bango nuh.. Bango weh. Jam mu rosak nuh" is a tad refreshing. I'll smiled weakly from my bed until the voice increased in frequency.

Afternoons are not too hot, given the geographical condition of my college. It is on the leg a hill, so the sun is premature at this point. Lunchtime is like being in a Pasar in Kelantan. Since all my room mates are forty-something Kelantanese, naturally, they'll bring in the whole Kampong to enjoy lunch in Jemaah. Pleasant, but I personally prefer quiet lunches.

I don't have a television in my room to keep up with the news. Not to mention the VITAL 8 o'clock news round up. Ngah........(nasal sigh) But i don't need one really. Those Kelantanese old-timer will narrate the news during dinner loudly, giving me an impression of a local circus promoter but alas, their political remarks needs filtering as they're not objective; very strong sentiment lah.

Late nights are snoreless, speechless, musicless, lifeless. There's an ochestra of frogs from outside, probably lead by Kermit the Frog. A visit to the window: an exhibitionist showing his woody to everyone with functioning eyes, people watching movies; the ones gawping at their monitor in the dark are probably watching porn. Starless. Shy moon. A visit to the toilet: since it's midnight, sitting on the WC is never in pit silence, put the natural sounds of my littering aside, there's squishing sounds and quiet moans. I always wanted to shout from my cubicle "Having a good wank?" but it's not appopriate kot...

Eyes shut...
Arms settled around my bantal busuk
If you think you need to know about Afiq's taste in music read on..

Afiq doesn't have any taste in Music!

a friendly reminder from madba -

Portfolio day!!!!

My life experience is so blog worthy: all spicy and tangy tapi a bit basi.

I'm not as angry as I should be for a few unspecified reasons. Reasons that dwells under unknown circumstances of the future. Today is our external portfolio and as always, master architect Ar Hijjaz Kasturi, as a devoted educator that he is, came to have a look at our designs and projects. So we were exchanging knowledge; a lot of nodding, a lot of blank looks, a lot of everything but one thing is for sure: everyone was excited. I was too, I was more giddy than usual and surprisingly, I behaved. Thumbs up to myself. (madba: fatty fatty boom boom)

Everything went well at the next studio. A fair share of students presented their design to Ar Hijjaz and to summed up the scenario: everyone was satisfied with the proceeding events.. until... Ar Hijjaz stepped into our studio. The lecturers, Dr. Akeel and Dr. Puteri B*** Shireen were so eager for some reason and dictated Ar Hijjaz's movements: making him look at the 'top' students' designs until he accidentally came across mine. He stood in solitude, looking at my design as I was hiding behind the humongous collumn beside him hissing "I don't wanna present, I don't wanna present" as if God introduced another method of Tasbih. AND THEN, Dr Shireen spoke to Hijjaz:
B***: This is Afiq's design
Hijjaz: So how is his progress?
B: He's design was criticized during the last presentation. Afiq is very rebellious, he seldom attend studio and doesn't like to co-operate with lecturers.
Hijjaz: I see.. Can I see him?
B: Sure... (mula gelabah) Afiq.... Afiq... (Then she realized that I was at the other side of the collumn she's leaning on.)
B: Afiq, you didn't listen to our conversation, did you?
Afiq: What conversation? (telinga panasssss)
(met Ar Hijjaz)
Hijjaz: What happened to you?
Afiq: (stunned) nothing really
Hijjaz: It's okay... frankly, what happened?
(B*** angguk-angguk)
madba: Due to the circumstances.... LIE...just LIE... Tipu sunat!
Afiq: My family moved from Sabah to KL so I spent less time in the studio
Hijjaz: Fair,, so tell me about your design...
Afiq: Blablablablablablablabla....

Sot that's it. I'm so Lost. What just happened. I'm confused and pissed. I soo hate shireen right now for being super-biased. I don't like her and vice versa because she limits my exploration in architecture. I love architecture.. What is she trying to prove.. (refer previous post for further details)

Oh... my water face... oh... that female version of oompa loompa!!

Grrr.... growls under lips.. not the horny kindla...

Ayah kat Kudat

Ayah on his biking trip
Pic1: Ayah(Capt. Rtd. Muhaiyar Yusoof) withthe white collared tshirt.
Pic2: Ayah on his bike

Hah! It seems that my interest in cycling make sense now.. How can I've forgotten, Ayah is a keen cycler. Talking about interest, he is also an amatuer boxer and a pro golfer AND for a living, he is a Sabah intelligence pilot.

Afiq is proud of his dad...

Gil Drake: The Forsaken One

I'd tried finishing a fantasy novel a year ago tapi...tapi..
-afiq is obsessed with Greek myth
-he knows all the Greek monster and Gods
-his favourite would be: look upstairs : it's Hermes (pronounces ergh-meez) The God of information, Master of Travel, Knickers of Jokes.. and Athena.
-Afiq made those two gods marry human partners and breed mortals with feetwings and unusual-disturbing female-strength.
-not knowing that there are not too many Greek-Gods fanaticism around, Afiq's work is secluded from the action of reading.

So now.:.:.:.:.. I'm planning to write a novel of a half vampire teenage boy who were discovered by an organization, SPIE (special power international enforcers) that dwells underground of some highschool in Malaysia and the rest of the world. There are NO superhuman stereotypes, every characters has their weaknesses. The main character, Gil has a vampire father and thus he inherited some of his father's traits like transforming himself into a bat, gives deadly bite,etc. He can be easily weakened by Garlic, staking, exorcism and he can't enter a house without a proper invitation.

To spice things up, he is a devoted Christian as well.. Tengtedeng.. So the main plot involves SPIE disintergrating into two confrontational forces: one of them practiced peacekeeping in silence and the other wants to topple the Malaysian government... Which force will Gil join? another tengtedeng.. Will Gil be assigned to confront the oppositional force?? His mom is working at Putrajaya as a government servant! Will he be in time to save her? Yet another tengtedeng...

Will the disintergration of forces a tactic runned by a third party??? Oh ya, he has a banshee girlfriend(pontianak) and a close normal human mate-who is actually toooooot (cencored) Tak best lagi bagitau sumer bende....

Afiq promise to himself to clear up his room afterwards. Chin - Chin...

I hate NOTES!!!

Hoish..currently exhausted. It was yesterday when I thought it was possible to make a proper model in six hours. I was proven correct. In addition to my perplexed stupidity, I now suffer backpain and my left brow twitch everytime I say the word 'model'. Tiring as it already is, I have to bare myself for the upcoming exams.. That means reading boring notes from papers that smell of formalin. It must've been my misjudging sense of smell to compare the paper's smell with a dental clinic's but I would assume my undeciding brain categorized both scenario to be equally devastating. Yep.. dentist appointment = note reading.

I wouldn't want to sound like a smart aleck but the concept of having to memorize a whole stack of notes, knowing 5% of it is going to be answers is misleading. It creates..... I'll stop right there. Madba is taking over...

This is not necessary but... chitty chitty Bang Bang!

Butts, Buns and Love

Like every other Sundays, my brain is currently dislocated from the body. A feeling a man would experience when he accidentally tucked in his wallet into his left rear pocket. The remorseful digust when sitting down is the aftemath of such incident: the feeling of having a dislocated or recently altered pair of bollocks, I mean buttocks. I wrote this constitution last night while watching Little Briton on the computer:

I was never in Love. Never. I wish to be in Love. Everybody does. I never feel like being in Love but I do Want to be in Love with a person who Loves me equally. Isn’t that something all of us generally opt as the basic constitution of love; being in Love with the person that loves us equally?

I may have a list of traits I would want my potential partner to possess but the constitution, the very essence of relationship that binds two people together is, what I found out, more important than my stupid checklist.

In presence of treasured family and friends, Afiq Deen Bin Azizan and *potential wife* enter into the following covenant:

We promised to grow old together, while keeping each other young, maintaining our sense of humour, sharing love and secrets.

We promise to discover new things, places, and people together, to view our life together as a work of literature.

We promise to share our happiness with our friends and relatives.

We promised each to treasure the other's happiness at least as much as our own, to support each other's creativity, and always to keep faith in the strength of other's love.

We promised to sembahyang Subuh together on every free weekend.


parliment, clean underwear and Dr. Phil

I love parliment drama. Selalunya I'll listen to Yahoo Music but today... I just feel like listening to our Yang Berhormats bickering. Music to the ears of rakyat. Bangun pukul 3 petang. I don't feel like reading any newspaper today because.... because I don't feel like reading it.

I'm feeling a bit pathetic today because:
1.No more clean underwear
2.No more clean socks
3.I'm trying to instill 'self-worth' in me
4.So I'm feeling pathetic because I just can't.
5.Bleh sambungka?
madba: It's ur bloglah Admiral Stupid
6.Tired of reading Dr. Phil's self-matters book
7.Sick of everything 'architecture'
8.Sick of teh o ais
9.Sick of having to buy things for portfolioday

not a good day. Period. Imagine replacing that word with haid. I'll give it a try..
not a good day. Haid.
Cool jugak..hmm...

Gue Kena ngorat..Mmg tak mustahil...

Ardently forgive my previous post: it's a mental thing: a thing I do mentally: out of my system: fuh lega... ..Took a 2 kilometer stroll from the studio at 1 in the morning. fun. walk on divider. fun. Play of lights flickered by ramblings of pokok nipah. Smooth, white and stained divider. Cool. Alone. I reckon you can imagine the scenario by now.

Ada orang mengorat ngan gue.. Would've been cool if it was some iranian chick but but but but it wasn't. Culprit's profile:

Big scar on face

Yuckz!! Yuck yuck yuck(spits)
Blckguy: Hey brother
afiq: Yes?
bg: What time is it?
a:erm...wait..(took out goyah aka ngage)
madba:You gila ke apa? Bloody silver watch on your bloody wrist
a: It's 9.35
bg: Can you teach me Bahasa Melayu brother?
madba: Pala hotak mu!
a: Sorry I'm not really malay
madba: Lie afiq lie... tell him ur ...ur.. Viatnamese
a: I'm chinese Malaysian and Muslim
bg:What's your name
madba: Gocka DeRollacosta
a: Erm, Afiq Chien
bg: Oh.. How old are you?
a: eight...
madba: crazy izzit? If u tell him ur barely legal.. Imagine worst scenario.Rape. AAAHHH!
a: Erm... 20
bg: Nice age. Nice. Nice
madba: eeeeeeye..
bg: can you teach me chinese then brother..
madba: I'll teach you how to shove my goyah up you ***
a: Sorry, no. I'm not a good teacher.. Besides, I'm very very very busy.. Bye yea?
(afiq hilang serta merta)
madba: Run Afiq Run....
a: (running) Shut up!

Read Afiq READ.....

List of Books borrowed from the library today

How to write Funny
Because I want to improve in my writing

The Fall by Simon Mawer
Series of unfortunate events that highlights friendship and brotherhood

The complete Idiot's guide to Business Etiquette
I want to learn how to 'sell' my ideas in the near future

Dr. Phil McGraw's Self Matters
Self Esteem problems.........

ps: special msg to noemi, knowing me.. well you know me pretty well to write such a warning so i won't mention anything about you in my blog except this hintlah *hint* *hint* (kelip-kelip mata) FYI, Afiq is currently green in envy, which doesn't match his black shirt and earth coloured corderoy.. I love corderoy pants.. they are so bloody comfortable, not that it is possible to be comfortable when I'm soaked with blood.. aiyah.. dah pening.. cheerios!


Sorry for the sms everybody.. I was emotionally unstable then and a tad suicidal so I just needed some encouragement. I talked to Haikal--like talking to a rock. I complained to Nurul--she didn't give a shit and was vaguely satisfied of my sufferings. I told Liyana about it--she's not bothered.

Thanks Sue, Thanks Kuhaz, Thanks Puteri, Thanks Yaya, Thanks Suhail, Thanks Husnita, Thanks Azim, Thanks Saleha, Thanks Atiqah, Thanks everyone,, *hugs*

I am indeed a super emotional guy, hope you understand...

Realm of unvisited DREAMS

Listening to Close your Eyes by The Chemical Brothers

Explicit of me to write about this. But I have to! I want the future 'me' to ponder upon my mistakes. I want people to learn from my mistakes. I want my brothers to learn from their eldest brother's life mistakes. I want my children to learn from my mistakes.

It was yesterday when I entered a realm of unvisited dreams and chaos. Bashed mercilessly by lecturers, I questioned my hardwork and effort. I questioned my ability to design. I questioned my sanity. So I sat in my room, thinking hard what will come of me. Where does my future lies. Where do I belong to. A swift but foolish decision was made. "I'll treat myself" I told myself infront of my mirror. "I'll punish myself".

A short walk from the college to the bus stop was an unnerving one. My pride and ego came about so relentlessly that my sanity had no choice but to evade my physical form. I was driven by my emotion. A short walk it was.

Getting a taxi was always a difficult task in UIA but that very maghrib, a taxi presented itself readily, readily to transport me into a world never known to me.

"So there you go" I walked on the roadside with a heavy heart and clouded mind. A condition I dreamt about in my dreams. A predictable deja vu. So predictable that I could say out loud that a yellow car is going to pass me by before it really did a minute after the prediction. I simply know what I was going to do.. The real task in hand is how I'm going to do it. Everything went swiftly strange. A short walk to a chinese restaurant, I sat behind an aluminium folding door shop lots usually have. I slumped and felt feverish. It was cold. The sky was mighty red and the air was sickly. An impression of being beside a lori sampah but without the smell, without the sight.

"One carlsberg!" I hissed, practicing my chinese accent to avoid suspicion. I did so many times.

"Thump" A sweating bottle of beer appeared, accompanied by a heavy looking glass mug. I felt the groove of the glass, realizing it's not heavy at all. It's plastic! My left hand wiped the pearls of temperature conduction effects. "Carlsberg.." I was strangely confused. Not by guilt but by subtle persuasion of events. I dazed at the amoi that brought me Satan's pee and she simply said "One more glass ar?" I peeped at the dying dusk. "You have no idea.." Clouds were unusually fluffy and full, suggesting a greener path I could have chosen. "You have no idea..."

I shook and poured the thick substance and gulped it down. Guilt resting below the bottle. Conscience smeared at the darkest pit of my being. There was nothing stopping me. Nothing. I sipped another mouthful. I could see myself drinking from the corner of the shop. Conscience gave me a short visit. It did so and left; and there I was, drinking away. Bottle after bottle after bottle. Smelly old table. Rusty door. Noisy fan. Flickering lights from outside. Dusk's dead. So am I......


Creases of pity and ignorance on the amoi's face when I paid her.

How the crevices of sement blocks annoyed the living hell of me as I walked. Nothing seems to be straight. Not even the night horizon.

Passing cars that buzzed the atmosphere. The speed of each vehicle seems apparent and every movement was in slowmo. I, however was walking in super slowmo. Every movement of limbs were defying great gravity.

Cold and stuffed air. Probably in the taxi.

In my room. Last sight before I dozed off: the monitor's wallpaper of my family eating breakfast together at Karambunai Resort in Sabah. My whole body was numb then. I touched my cheeks but only felt chubby pieces of meat. I rubbed my shoulders and it felt as if I was strangling a metal cloth hanger. I look my self at my empty ngage lcd (out of battery) and saw myself crying. A boy. A small boy of five crying. I could not feel it, the tears. I nodded, realizing that I was crying. My tears dampening my corderoy pants, teardrop after teardrop. A sight I would definitely be embarassed of, a public impression of me soaking my pants. I closed my eyes. And that's it.

The aftermath was unexplainable..
Not the thing I could describe in words.

Kadai mamak, happy families and a new CD

Scene: Kedai Mamak

Teh tarik satu, maggi goreng kurang pedas satu... and satu malboro light
Afiq: My lips were trembling when I said the M word

Scene: Bus Stop

Tried to smoke there but there was a couple of warga emas lepaking.. secondary smoke is bad for their health.. OK ok.. tukar tempat

Again, TRIED to smoke at an open restaurant but there were children around.. secondary smoke is bad for their health.

Went to the bus stop. No one around. Now how the hell do you light up a cigarette? No fire emitting from the lighter.. Damn cars and the force of wind resulting from the movements of speedy vehicles. Tukar tempat; sebelah pokok besar. A big happy family was getting into their car. BAD moral display. Tukar tempat.

I finally smoked. My lungs were burning like mad like when you get too near to the fire of a burning sampahsarap. Throat ached like miniscule monkeys were clinging on it. The smoke coming out from my mouth was cool though... macam when I was at Frankfurt airport..

I have to admit, it is hard to smoke when I am too concerned about my surrounding and the aftermath was something I didn't bargain for. My mind is floating in midair (Nicotine effects) and I am still trying to recollect bits of escaping thoughts I had before I smoked. BUT IT WAS JUST ONE CIGARETTE.

I suffered a lot the last few days so I treated myself with a new CD: Pride and Prejudice. Read the book. It was marvelling explicit details of the past culture and events... just my sort of things.

My mom will definitely kill me if she caught me smoking so I hereby declare myself cigarette free (for the time being)(since she's in KL)

ZZZZS argh zzzzzz

Boolesheet.. A drop of saliva gain exit from my mouth and into a neighbourhood block of letters. Shocked, confused and _ _ _ _ ed UP!

It was then and there that 'that' happened but that's that. Presented my final project today and it turned out to a be suitable occasion for exchanging smirks and slurs between lecturers and students. Mine was particularly condemned for being TOO modern. It's not modern at all really.. its emotion extravagance can be appreciated for generations.

Lecturer: What do you mean by futuristic
Afiq: I said so because I would think that the generation of the future would realized the importance of sustainable emotion in a space.
L: But you're designing a current project?
A: Yes, but are we not going to design for the future as our generation of architects takes place
L: Why don't you follow...
(menyampuk) Dr. Shireen: You are being explorative, I like that but there's a limit to it. There's always a point where you should design simply. You see, A = constructable and suit purpose of design, B = suit the purpose of design, C = something like yours..
(taken aback) Maybe, just maybe we could see you next semester
L: I still don't understand why you used the term futuristic.
A: I may have positioned the spaces accordingly to trends, appliances, furnitre and so on but the society will keep changing, making the house impractical for future generation. By using the law of emotion and how human are trancscended by emotion, spaces that triggers interesting feelings are designed so many generation could enjoy the structure, thus making the design sustainable.
L(mula mengamuk)
Dr.Shireen gelengs her head
Afiq don't seem to understand the system here.. Am I not allowed to defend my design? Am I not entitled to my opinion? Why are the lecturers got mad when I managed to defend my design.

Eyes blurring,,, Eyes pooled with sleepy tears
Haikal reviewed. He said that the lecturers were shocked that i could defend my design and Haikal thinks I was being a bit kurang ajar...

Madba latuh!

Got to sleep..I'll post some pics of my project tonight...

Stigmata of MY own doings

This is not a poem,, I'm by far, the most "unpoetic soul" ever given breath by destiny

Have you ever procrastinate?
Have you ever procrastinate something that will redeem itself as a catastrophic shadow of doubt?
"Who would've known?" you will ask bluntly
The product of self denial doesn't virtually knocks your head right on.
Instead, it creeps and dissapears, creeps and dissapears, creeps and dissapears.
It'll do so again and again and again

You are afraid now
Too afraid to confront your baby of destruction
Too afraid to even turn back to uncast the shadow that dwells behind you
Too afraid to move
Too afraid to do anything
Then, just then,
After all that, the shadow consumed you whole
Every drop of your dignity

Shadow casts behind me
Lurking at every chance of ignorance
madba: What will you do then?
Face them. I'll face the consequences
Consequences; an adolescent of the actual disaster
It's worth confronting
No more enigma from the realm of doubts?
madba: Do you reckon we should start looking back now?
I guess..........(hesitant)
madba: Let's do it then!


Human sometimes magically inspired things with their weird and unexplainable abilities. The power to rely on their spiritual ability, disbelieving their physical condition for a minute or so. That, is the power of belief. I'm very sure stories on ridiculous longetivity, endurance or even levitation was believed as myths and exaggeration of travelling words but stories of survival and personal strength are truly inspiring bits of life.

We are human who has souls within us. Our ruh. It is within the a body of flesh and blood. But it is there. Coins shingles in our hand when shakened. How about when it's in a vase made of clay? Will it stil shingle? Forgive me if my logic trepassed yours, but it will.

Knowing my inner power..Afiq had promised himself not to sleep for 3 whole days to finish my assignments and presentation... So be it!

Teen Propect


Yeah, I guess people who surfed my blog are teenagers. Self-concious teenagers. But Im growing, am I not, to a more mature person. A person who would accept himself as he is, as I am a gift from god. My brain and soul. I should, should I not embrace myself and the life ahead of me, should I not? To make a dam, one must make another river to accomodate the flow.

Oh... Too much boolesheet here and there.. I'll leave you to that.

Shoutout to NOEMI!!!

Miss you too,...,.,.,.,

Gangsta eh? Taklah! Just more driven by verbal and literal expression. Afiq is still the same old Afiq.. Loads of thanks for the testimonial though. Yeah,, we'll meet again, quite soon, i presume. Maybe next raya or chrismas at Sabah. See you then.

Pictures worth a thousand word

Asia as we never seen it before. Clashing commodities and opinions. Clashing interest that had blended well over the years, making the perspective unseemly and unjust. Pictures by foreign workers. Work of genius!

Me? Smoking? I'll try it out.. just for fun..

Dim light. Frantically flicking computer monitor. Killing backpain. Bigger than life Tsquare. Hunger for attention. A night I told myself not to remember. Hopeless and discouraging.

So the next day. I blabbered like a feverish chipmunk to Haik from 1 to 3am. I told him about Gubrah, Yasmin Ahmad's new movie coming out this month and he was, as expected, clueless about the whole deal. Like a patient parent teaching a child how to pronounce pa-pa, I enlightened him with a half an hour talk about the movie AND THEN knowing his civic responsibility to reply to a fellow sahabat, he retraced his experience when he saw Sharifah Amani in her car, smoking.

Silence.,.,., it is a gap of unspoken words that garnish webs of suspicion.. tick tock... In unison, we're thinking how 'bad' Amani is, how 'uptown' of her to do such a thing... how... oh my... hows of all hows lah!

Wait, my mum smoke, so do my stepdad, dad, grandmothers, uncles, cousin.. I love them all...

Hmm..U'll be seeing some pictures of me smoking for the first time tomorrow or (cinematic vibration) the day after tomorrow...

Self indulgence in Photo Editing...

here you go... answered as promised

Rzeem asked me how beer tasted like so I asked "do you want me to buy you a can?"

Stunned, "No"

Promised him to tell him via this blog; so here you go. Intro: There was a chinese restaurant in front of Sri Insan (my highschool) and they sell beer to only(strictly) chinese blokes. Having born to look like one (minus the accent and linggo) I bought them for a malay friend of mine and purchased one of my own before going for our weekly football matches. Keep doing so every week.. It's never addictive; I can tell you that since i only gulp down a can every week. Must've been a joke to non-muslim blokes but that's that.

It tasted malty with a hint of sugarcane sugar and it's gassy like coke. There you go. Now you know.. discoverychannel.. gottoknow

Thinking CAP

Easy tips to get you thinking in maximum capacity for a short while. I've nothing to write about so introducing such tips would be a treat to those yg nak jadi genius for 15 minutes or so. This exercise can be done when having difficulty thinking or to boost pesonal IQ for 15 minutes.

What you do is rub both of your ears until it gets red for a minute. This will suck necessary amount of blood to make you an instant genius. It will last for 15 minutes. To reactivate the thinking cap, rub you ears again for another 5 minutes. Easy mak daisy kan? There are more tips tapi malaslah nak bagitau..

note> my mom, Raja Zairah still holds the record time for 200 and 100m sprint since she was darjah 6 til now...
note2> I'm so proud of her...

Pre-constructed dilemma

Puteri is so right...

Self-fused dilemma is sometimes assumed to be a personal conquest with personal benefits. Pity, attention, relationship or sometimes a way to cling dependantly to a person. HERE is a creature who is self-victimized but with no benefits nor external implication.. Just exploiting emotion and re-exploring the boundary of human expression. It is a learning process. By being my cynical and sometimes sarcastic self---an opera sabun is brought to life.

Anyways.. Gonna sleep totally naked tonight coz it rained. The attachment of the warm wool blanket with my bare external organ (SKIN is one of them)(no other ideas will be entertained) listening to kenny G. I know. I sound like a toot but it's my idea of solace. My personal sanctuary.

Its raining bigfoot and pink gajahs. Why bother... I've been flipping through newspaper for ads of concerts that are sponsored by Celcom. Bleh dapat free ticket. Doubting it though. My stingy Celcom CEO uncle had once masukkan 25 cents je in my phone. Kedekot.. Uncle Lee kedekot.. bwek...


enough is enough... real accent starts tomorrow... don't be to surprised... ngahngahngah.. some ppl are so gonna fuh reek out.. lalalala

BBB = Best Best Best

Good readlar this one... gimme a tomboy, a misundstood rich man and a beautiful background and I'll be captivated for days (until I finish the booklah)(another dumbblondemoment..) Duh!

I'm not surprised to confess that the BBB(budak-budak bodoh) camp had been the most memorable university programme ever. It was VERY embarassing when my name was announced to the whole KAED world to attend it; which resulted me getting comments like "Eh, I though ur cgpa is OK... Kau fail ape fiq?... Tulah...Tadi nama kau kena panggil.." and some response were just weird. "Are you Afiq Deen?" She looked at me from top to bottom and stopped at my knee AND STARED AT IT: I assumed she is a big time believer of the expression 'otak dekat lutut'. Only 21 out 0f 30 students attended the programme.

To the other 9 students who didn't attend the programme: YOU had just missed a once in a life time event. While trying not to be "Smartshoppish", I can tell you it was worth the embarassment. It truly was! It had changed my perspective of LIFE and SUCCESS! Chewah.. Poyo or otherwise, I cried like hell in one of the session and I wasn't embarassed about it!

Oh, afiq and nurul made a scene. Live... Action!

-Assigned to design a house of a facilitator: Auntie Rose
-My team had to come out with a design that night and present it tomorrow for discussion
-I was the only one who designed the house the next morning
-Instead of altering or implementing my design, Nurul decided to design a new house
-Havoc... I cannot do anything.. You knowla when some girls are panicking...
-Nurul said something hurtful: I thought you are better than Haikal (with a tin milo besar of sarcasm)
-And after a while she said "Patutlah you don't have any friends"
-I kept quiet for a while and finally said.. Why are you doing this.. Buat pe nak buat plan baru.
-She snapped and shouted something aweful(i cannot mention the exact sentence but it was really really offensive)
-Everyone was taken aback.. Some said "Ape ni nurul..." Afiq dengan menyibuknya said ... "Nurul.. i'm saying that".. "Afiq! Stop it"
-Girls getting emotional.. guys getting......... bored of the whole shit.
-Then she said.. I don't like people who cerita behind people's back
-Ape lagi... "Nurul, you cannot involve personal problem in a group work.. It's unacceptable lar.. Kalau...
-Nurul buat DEKK je and talked to our leader mcm dah bersembang lamer.. The leader pun macam... OK...
-2 hours later, Syah told me that Nurul asked him (as she did to Suhail, Haikal dan ramai lagi)about my recent behaviour and cakap lagi that I was disturbing his soulmate male friend via friendster!
-Huh... OK.. My email is invalid for 2 years so I can't send any messages in friendster and I cant possibly send testis to people who are not in my 'friend' category. Weird...
-Who's talking behind who's back. Ironic isn't it.(Kuhaz would sambung the Alanis Morisette song)
-I don't want to sound biased but does she NEEDS to tell people my weaknesses? Does she feel any better when doing so?
-Hmm... (deep breathing) Imagine puteri gunung ledang naik a pink elephant...crusing the sky with the grace of dalca and curry... ummmm.....

-Ah...I designed the landscape and Auntie Rose loved it "I love your landscape" she said and critisized the design... enough said.. (evil grin---hearty laugh--people beginning to stare at me--back to normal... (madba tu... bukan afiq)(layblame)(touch wood) young people nowadays don't understand the phrase touch wood.. Ask your dad lah!

Disclaimer: Close friends of nurul, don't go running to her and said "afiq said something bad about you to the whole world" I won't appreciate it if you do so... toot.....

Can't wait to watch Gubra!!! (pronounced Gabrah)

My legal mistress.. .. ..

now you know .gottoknow. discoverychannel

Hawesworth, Maryam, bird flu and BBB

Hawesworth - worth reading..

Some people get their adrenaline rush by river rafting, bungee jumping, skiing, and having SEX but we architecture student find late project submission a more nerve wreking experience. It's a combination of wits, body speed, physical reaction to situation, and the art of covering up: buat-buat composed and collected. Nothing like it. Even though I never experience sexual intercourse yet, but I bet it's not as nerve wrecking as LATE PROJECT SUBMISSION.

Do you know that Afdin Shauki was once an architecture student? now you know... gottoknow, discoverychannel.

The paling perfect Iranian chic from next studio asked me about her assignment. All of a sudden, I was a living proof of the much said Gombak aviant flu case. My symptoms includes:
-Lost of breath
-Feverish. I was hot everywhere
-My whole body was dead-limp except for my external organ, which was even more giddy than usual. I would like to thank my dad for buying me briefs NOT boxers!

Going to BBB camp tomorrow: kem budak-budak bodok. sigh.. bodoh jugak si afiq ni...

Broke my bact at the mountain

I'm broke every Thursday because
-I spend at least 20 ringgit at the Sungai Pusu Pasar Malam every week
-The rythm of the ringgit note taking and the stomach lurching is in a comfortable sync
-Enough said and nothing done.

gayism is not a word

I'm very sure everyone around me (Im at the bilal CC) is watching porno. A black guy who's sitting nun disana is browsing through gay websites! There's a reflective window behind him. Talking about gayism..note: there's no such word. There are loads an loads of gay guys nowadays. 1 out of 5? Probably.. Check out all malaysian dating websites and Gosh.. (i was like) he's gay? seriously? Yuck(bukak gambar aksi-aksi panas dier) perlu ke bold kan those words... If your idea of panas is standing naked beside a fridge with a softie; (to be honest) which planet are you from?

I was enlightened by Solah's outlook of the gay world by telling me whoever's gay around him which is considerably a lot because 1.we're in UIA 2. We're in Malaysia

Sue and Kuhaz is frustrated over this issue and one of them suggested it is possible to degay them.. hey boy... are you gay? Don't worry honey, I'll degay you! Haha.

Some of my close friends are secretly gay... got to know: discovery channel
Do I have to stress that I'm not gay. Bukti? I kissed a GIRL before waktu sekolah menengah. There. Masih,,,...masih feels good to be a virgin. No one night stand before marriage. naada. Some friends told me u can get successful one night stands kat Zouk but tu diorang katalakan...(cuba cover) fornication = bad + hell + dosa + bastard/bitch


Is the com's clock working. Kalau tak, it's 3.09 AM. Met up with Amalina again. Does it occur to her that.... sigh.. she might be reading this.

Kalau U haven't notice, I'm the only guy who cycles in Kaed beside that tua-tua guy that worked in Kaed. Haikal's bicycle dah pancit, Suhail recently had an accident with his new bicycle and fathi.... suker naik moto. Not fair! It's weird how kiasuism takes effect on me when I'm on my bike and (dengan perasan) I never had any accident... not one bit. My bike, Minah is just gorgeously safe and reliable. I like to name my favourite objects with 'vernacular' names like Goyah;engage, Minah;bike, Eton;computer. ; p

How is it logical that geng kurus-kurus can eat up a full plate of rice and NOT GET FAT! Our metabolism differs but it's just not fair. Mana Aci? Dkat itu estatela macha! For the betterment of me, myself and I:
-listen more
-read more noted than books
-bangun subuh.. a little help e...