Maaf Zahir Batin

Dah puas makan dah? Tengah escape family gathering la tu to read blogs. Or reading them with cousins ramai-ramai.

Teehee : ) Kita lain tapi serupa. Serupa tapi lain.

No, I'm not excited about today. No sensible adults are (chewah). And it doesn't help knowing that this raya is going to be my last year as an eligible duit raya receiver. Danggg.

Looking back, I noticed how the television plays a big part in raya. A decade ago, there weren't many raya specials and the only shows I looked forward to were magic and circus shows. I'm planning to restrain myself from over indulging the idiot box today. I think the fact that there will be a lot of raya specials featuring Akademi Fantasia celebrities is enough to take my attention off the television. Yes yes, I dislike AF and the subliminal message that it propagates.

I should pay more attention to actual people, not Mawi (he eh, dah tembam la Mawi, biasalah jutawan segera) or Nabil (kelakar la bekas despatch ni, dia tak cukup makan la kurus sangat!) We all should do the same. After reruns of Rashid Sibir's tear inducing flicks, we should follow through the spirit of raya and mourn the death of the Emak or Ibu character? Mentaliti Melayu. Cerita sedih mesti mak mati. I can find a dozen raya themes that can make people cry without killing the headstrong mother.

It's only human to expect the worst. The joy of raya will catch on, eventually.


Home Captions

Home is where I hibernate. Home is where I watch my favourite shows when everyone is asleep. Home is where I can do my reading anywhere and anytime. Home is where I scavenge for food in the fridge whenever I feel deprived of bingable food. Home is where I need not think about the harsh world outside. Home gives illusion of security. Home is home. Home is where my heart resides, no matter where I am. Home is where I fall back to regain my strength after a huge defeat. Home is where I deflate my head after a huge win. Home is my centre of equilibrium.
And I have two homes! (see, divorce has its perks)

Teresa Kok is Kolektra

I heard somebody used pyrokinesis on Kolektra. Not only is she a symbol of BolehLand's 'striving democracy', she's now a wanted hero.

Remember her unofficial debut? She was the one who 'exposed' a 'chinese national' who had to squat in a prison cell. Malaysia suffered bad press and after a few weeks of slight tension between Malaysia and China, we finally found out that the woman is actually malay and the squatting is a normal police procedure. Instead of inquiring the case to the police discreetly, she made it into a media frenzy.

Base on this and how she did not make any effort to apologize for causing the hullabaloo, it was decided that she is merely a nuiscance.

Recently, the government gave this nuisance her power back, a far greater power. After a week of transformation, she came out a hero. Upon her release, Kolektra complained of the food given to her during her imprisonment. She told everybody how the food was 'close to dog food'. As predicted, the government jumped to its feet and investigate the issue.

How laughable. Dog Food! Kolektra seriously need to visit rural kampungs. Only then will she realize that poverty had forced many folks to eat 'dog food' once a day every friekin' day.

A Malaysian Presidential Debate?

The US presidential debate was nothing short but enlightening. I know now that both wants to 'engage' Iran. What amazing was both countered each other with hard facts and without resorting to theatrics.

I think it would be great to have presidents of our coalitions to engage in such an event. But then again, we Malaysians love sentiments and barking theatrics. We love drama. Pak Lah will not stand a chance if he is to confront Anwar in a debate. An empty vessel like Anwar, though he may make a lot of noise will probably use theatrics like he did during the saliva-inducing Shabery-Anwar fuel price hike heat. Just imagine if we have our very own presidential debate....

Speaker: Apa rancangan anda untuk memajukan ekonomi Malaysia? Kita mulakan dengan Dato' Seri Abdullah Badawi.

Abdullah: Saya sudah putuskan apa ni, apa ni.... kita nak majukan ekonomi.. apa ni.. dengan majukan pertanian. Ohok ohok (batuk) ehem, dengan ini... apa ni.. kita apa...

Speaker: Masa untuk Dato' Seri jawab sudah berakhir. Saya tujukan soalan yang sama kepada Dato' Seri Anwar Ibrahim.

Anwar: Assalamualaikum warahmatullah hiwabarakatuh. Alhamdulillah hirabbil alamin, wasolla tu wasalla ala ashrafil ambiya hiwal mursaleen... waala alihi...

Speaker: Soalan seterusnya, apakah penyelesaian anda untuk mengatasi kegawatan ekonomi yang akan datang. Dato' Seri Abdullah?

Abdullah: Zzzzzzzz... Zzzzzzzz.. (wipes off drool) Ya, ya.... Saya tak tau pun... Apa ni.. saya PANTANG dicabar!

Speaker: Dato' Sri Anwar?

Anwar: Saudara... fatamorgana dewasa ini akan kita selesaikan dengan anak fikiran waja tanpa korupsi, tanpa nopotisme, tanpa menteri tak boleh pakai! Bukan anak lain, semestinya bukan (smirks) anak menantu.

Speaker: Kita ada soalan dari penonton. Dipersilakan saudara.. (checks cue card) Saudara M.

M: Terima kasih tuan speaker. Saya ingin tujukan soalan saya kepada Anwar Ibrahim. Betulkah anak fikiran? Betulkah? Bukan anak ikan? Atau anak yahudi? Bagaimana pula dengan anak Amerika?

Speaker: Terima kasih Saudara M. Dipersilakan Dato' Sri..

M: Satu lagi perkara tuan speaker...

Speaker: Ya?

M: Melayu mudah lupa.

Ketupat & Lemang

AifilFitri for me is a commemoration of the past and an appreciation of the present. AidilFitri is a time a loop where Lemangs and Ketupats waited on the table after Solat Raya. It's the repetition of this delicacy that made me remember the very core of eternal love in the solid midst of morbid mortality.

A few years from now (if I'm still blessed with life) the knowledge of having Ketupats and Lemangs on the first day of Syawal will bring me back to this very thought. The thought of being loved no matter the circumstances and how priviledged I am for being able to live my life to an extent that can only be defined by myself. For the gift of being the measure of myself, thank you Umi. Thank you Bapak.

I would like to do my reminiscing now before the devilish spirit of Raya floods the true meaning of Syawal. Because when Raya arrive, so will the usual entourage of satans, returning from their ski trips and coastal chalets.

Sepuluh Benda Yang Kamu Patut Tahu Apabila Bermastautin di Malaysia

Have you heard about the Chad student who was stabbed to death by a malay youth? Call me a racist but as a IIUM student with many international friends, I find it hard to not stereotype foreigners because the stereotype often fits them. And the best part of all this is that as it seems, foreigners inflicted by stereotyping never made any effort to improve themselves.
And by improve themselves I mean socially climatizing to our culture. Here's a Top 10 Most Important Things Foreigners Should Know When Living In Malaysia

1. Roads are not pavements for loitering. Roads are where kiasu Malaysian drivers kill each other. Unless you want to contribute to our amazing death toll statistics, be safe and avoid sitting, loitering, eating, feasting or walking on tarred roads.

2. Keep your noise to the minimum at night. Malaysians in general like their nights silent and noise-free. Even during celebrations, our nights are very quiet. So restrain yourselves from dancing your night away in homes. Have you heard sexual grunting or shouting from Malaysian homes? Exactly. Your climax Allahuakabar is for us, infinitely disturbing and religiously wrong. We have allocated special places where people can make all their nonsensical noise like night clubs and the parliament.

3. We do not express our dissatisfaction by scolding. We simply keep it to ourselves and bitch about it later to people we're sure have no relation to the person we're bitching about. If the need to scold is necessary, please don't shout. Mumbling is okay-lah. Telling it as it is still tolerable. But don't shout. Compensate shouting with piercing sarcasm instead.

4. To talk to a friend who lives two blocks from you, it is custom here to SMS or misscall him/her before going to his/her room to converse. Conversing loudly outside your windows are very unusual practice here. If you feel the need to do so, get yourself two plastic cups and a string and voila, a communication service with no hidden charges.

5. Our passion is our food so insulting our food is like insulting us. When we offer a plate of Nasi Lemak, take the damn Nasi Lemak and shove it down your throat like you haven't eaten for weeks. Yes, we all think that not eating for weeks is norm from where you're from, we have Discovery Channel. Tell the person who gave you the Nasi Lemak that your tears are tears of happiness.

6. Learn how to speak Malay. Because we're fed up of accomodating tourists to their every whims. We're fed up of having to resort to sign language to convey information. Learn the language beforehand if possible. If you didn't, learn it now. Start by memorizing and understanding all kinds of Nasi Gorengs and Nasi Lemak toppings. I bet you didn't speak arabic when you visited United States of England. Why should this country be any different?

7. Don't get angry when somebody confuse you for a Chad nationality when you're actually Somalian. It doesn't matter. Have a sense of continental patriotism for God's sake and be thankful that we didn't mistaken you for an Orang Asli. You haven't met any Orang Asli yet? They came here a few hundred years ago and disrespected our culture so we put them away in forests and call them the people of origin.
8. You ain't no gangsta son!

Cut it out. Stop making fun of yourselves. The gangsta culture is not African. It's african american's. Sheesh. We have enough Indian gangstas to supply us their home grown hip hop beats. Opt for a more african influence. Sean Kingston Yo! Ya baggie cloth and ya hommie lingo ain't na foolin' the best of us mann. Be yourself mann. Be Afrikann.

9. Respect your hosts. We may be small, quiet and courteous but that doesn't mean we can't kick your ass if you disrespect us. So respect our culture and be quiet and courteous. We've adapted your B.O. and strange smells coming out from your kitchens so get your smiling gear working and SMILE at Cik Timah and Pak Tam and their drug addict son Leman. Tips: Learn a few things or two from Dato' M. Daud Kilau: Senyumlah, senyumlah Che Mek Molek...

10. Be more like Dina Salah. She speaks fluent Malay, generally polite to all her Malaysian friends and embraced our colourful Malaysian culture. She listens to Siti Nurhaliza and Mawi. Her favourite phrase is Best Giler!

They Don't Really Care About Us

What can we learn from this very fucked up chronology? Simple, really. The government doesn't care. The government wants you reduce your daily expenditures to cope with rising costs. The governments wants you to opt for public transportation like LRTs. Around the same time, the government approved the use of Kompressor Mercedes for Terengganu Excos.
And now even the LRT is not safe. The government will claim that this is an isolated case and force a revamp in overall maintenance of public transportation, the usual action-reaction attitude the government had opted for decades, despite spending billions to educate government servants overseas.
In a nutshell, the government is not aspired towards the vision 2020 aim. It had become complacent and dislocated itself from the core interest of Malaysians. They. Don't. Really. Care. About. Us.


I used to play this song in my room every morning before and after I go to school when I was in highschool. It'll drive my mother mad for some reason. But what was I to do? I mean I needed my father the most when I was passing through adolescence and not having him around during my whole transition was such a downer. But we still managed to communicate. He bought me a cell phone (which during those days was a priviledge) and we would talk to each other once a week as agreed.

We would meet once or twice a year where my father will take us to a hotel and chill. Waiting in the hotel rooms are presents he bought from Semenanjung. Seeing how excited he was when he showed me the presents, I played along and pretended to be excited. I never cared about the presents. Having him with me for two days was too awesome in comparison to be excited over jedi swords or mini scooters. He would take us out to play with our toys and he will take photographs of us playing. It pained me to see how he compressed a year's worth of emotions into two days'. Sometimes when we were playing, I would catch him sobbing and when I asked him whether he is okay, he will fake a cough "Tersedaklah bang.."

When I was smaller, we would usually wrestle and tickle each other silly in the hotel room but as I passed his handshake test, he compensated wrestling with a lot of outdoor dining. The handshake test is when he would ask me to grip his hands as tight possible and to pass this test, I had to inflict pain on him. When I was 5 years old, my father would routinely ask me "Tang tung tang, tak tang tung tang?" I passed when I looked at him with a fazed expression. Only when the question is considered nonsensical will he move on to other sets of tests.

Deep inside me I knew his undying love for us was tainted with regrets. He regretted what he did and what came out of his past mistakes and it killed me to see how he suffered the consequences. During the whole duration of the trip, I never asked him why he did the things he did because I knew he suffered enough. I knew back then that not only that he has to live every second of our absence with regret, the thought of leaving us fatherless had cut deep into his conscience and hurt his morale. So I smiled even though I wanted to cry with him. I laughed even though I wanted to question him. I put all my doubts into a suitcase and kept it in the attic with a sign 'to be opened soon' posted on it.

His yearly trips were the most awesome two-nighters of my life but I had to put a cork in my excitement when I got back home so I wouldn't hurt my mother's feelings.

And once I got back home, I will shut the window, cover any openings to insulate my room (to make it sound proof), play Oklahama and let my tears do all the singing.

Rethinking Disney's Classic

5 Things

5 Things I have to do before I get photographed in my Baju Melayu for a major newspaper:
  1. Ask Bapak to PosLaju my Baju Melayu, Butang and Sampin.
  2. Ask Chris to make my hair UIA-friendly (so I won't get expelled when my pictures are published)
  3. Strictly no simple carbs for 3 days
  4. Get braces out temporarily
  5. 300 push-ups, 300 sit ups, 300 everything! Argh!!! We are Spartans! This is Sparta!

THS: True Hair Story

Yesterday I realized that my hair was getting a wee bit outlandish so I decided to pay a visit to my favourite barber. I don't even know his name so let's just call him Chris (because he looks like the chinese version of Project Runaway's Christian Siriano)

I walked around Melawati for two hours to look for suitable materials to make my very own Raya Cards and iftar was just around the corner so I was completely knackered. Tired. Penat. I didn't eat my sahur yesterday morning so by five something in the evening my head was so light I was sure it'll pop if I accidentally hit my head on door edges or poorly designed columns, which I did, twice. My head didn't pop.

I went to the barber shop, sat on the reclinable chair and muttered "Saya puasa, mana boleh minum teh...." "Oh ya ka? Sorry ah Ah Pik!" Susan took away the shop's complimentary tea from the glass table in front of me.

"Okay. What style you want today?" Chris took some hairstyle catalogue from the waiting area and put it on the glass table. Usually I'm very particular about my hair. I have my own taste when it comes to my hairstyle. A particular taste that is usually perceived by everyone else as messy and out of control but still UIA-friendly. But yesterday I was too tired to fuss over my hair and answered. "You ikut suka hati la.." before napping on the chair as the speakers boomed a disco version of "To the left, to the left. Mmm, to the left..."

He woke me up. I paid. I left. I pinched my thighs and rode back to the hostel before I crashed. I woke up a few seconds before Iftar and ate like a pig gracefully. I perform wudu' , looked at the mirror and...

CHRIS!!!! Suka Hati Ko Je..! (before muttering to myself Wait, I was the one who told him to ikut suka hati.)

Chris gave me the most unusual hairstyle I've ever had. It's a fusion of mohawk and the latest Taiwanese hairstyle trend. It's a kind of hairstyle you would expect from openly gay buff chinese guys who wears short khakis, pink tank tops and carries around glittering Roxy bags. The only difference is it is a bit slanted to the right (must have been that stupid song!) I immediately took a shower and tried to ward off the gbcgwwskapttacgRb influence but to no avail. The only way to make my hair look presentable is by replicating Chris's mold. Fark!

Front Elevation

Side Elevation

This morning I woke up two hours earlier than usual to make sure I can get my hairstyle right before class. I fetched my newly bought hair clay from the plastic bag and found a japanese hairstyle catalogue with a small note on it.

"Free Hair Catalogue, enjoy. Selamat Berbuka Puasa. XOXO Susan" (must be a Gossip Girl fan)

There was a folded page where a japanese guy with my hairstyle senyum sinis ala ala macho. On the page were hair molding instructions. I studied the instructions, accidentally applied excessive hair clay and had to rewash my hair twice. After approxmately 45 minutes, I managed to replicate the hairstyle of Shouku Shiguno, company executive & part time model.

After a few minutes of reading Oxygen to let the time pass, my hair somehow deflated and I had to resort to some extreme measures to make sure it stays erect for a minimum of 12 hours

One hour and 45 minutes later, every strand of hair was positively erect, like an old man who had one too many cup of Kopi Tongkat Ali for Sahur.

I'm calling this hairstyle 'Siapla Ko Chris'

2 Hours Before Iftar....

There was something in the air yesterday evening. The whole hostel block was asleep! There was no noise whatsoever. No rustling leafs, horny cats, hindi music and movie soundtracks. Pure silence. Everything (and everyone) was asleep except for Bulat who used this opportunity to get up close and personal with me since there is no chance of doing so when Shasha's awake.
Edgar Allan Poe & Manja

Their owner

Yang Jadi dan Yang Tak Jadi

Yang Tak Jadi Banyak. Yang Jadi Sikit. Walaubagaimanapun, quality is the order of the day. I want to make better short films and music video so I have to 'filter' syok sendiri ideas. This is important because my experimentations with this media will develop a niche. I want my chosen niche's sensibility to evolve and deal with more depth.

1,2,3 Minggu?

A Majlis Berbuka Puasa Bersama YB Gombak was held yesterday. Azmin Ali, the YB himself attended and gave a speech about peralihan kuasa in the light of Ramadhan. After dinner, he hinted that the peralihan kuasa will occur in 2 or 3 weeks. Anwar told his supporters on the 15th of September that it will occur in 1 or 2 weeks.
The event was very nonchalant. Most of the people who attended the event were there to eat free food because after dinner there were only a handful of people left for the off-the-record Bermesra Bersama YB session. A lot of nodding and uncomfortable silence because half-way through out the Q&A, somebody pointed out that the SRC (Student Representative Council) is a Mantan GPMS. Shamel, the Mantan in question was kantoi-ed and gave a unprecedented speech on the benefits of AUKU. And then he sniggered "Eh, macam ada panel kedua pulak."
Eh, macam ada orang syok sendiri pulak.

Tomorrow Never Came

The wonders of keeping a journal since I was seve!. I know that my brother had read it and knew how I secretly wanted to be a Slytherin. Even my mother read my journal. Privacy wasn't part of the deal. (There wasn't even a deal!)

Here's an entry I wrote on 16th of September 2000 about what happened when I was nine years old. When I was nine years old, I simply wrote: I hate MUTHU!!!! in my journal.

Dear Journal,

I woke up angry with Muthu and his calves and his theatrics. I woke and remembered my teary journey back home. I remembered how I stomped my way back to my room, jumped extra high onto my bed and cried loudly so everyone could hear. That was the point anyway, so everyone around me will nod and tell me that it's not my fault.

Everyone around me thought I was genuinely crying so they closed the door and let me be. I stopped crying loudly and reached for the mini Encyclopedia, anticipating Bibik to rush to the door to check whether or not I killed myself. After an hour of anticipating, my anticipation pespired and dissolved back to emotions. I kept quiet and stared at the ceiling. The only sound I heard was cuckoo-cuckoo, Bibik was feeding Bapak's chickens at the backyard. There was excessive saliva in my mouth from all the crying so I gulped. The gulp got stuck in my throat for a whole day. I grabbed a thesaurus and checked 'gulp'. 'Sob'. I was sobbing. I sobbed.

It was the first of many sobs to come. On that day, October the 23rd, I lost Jason Ng to Muthu. He was my first best friend until Muthu came along and persuaded him that the reason why he didn't pass his PTS was because of me. He befriended a stupid malay who sucked all the knowledge from him. After the long school break, I was skipped a grade from standard 3 to standard 5 and was acknowledged by all teachers in the school as one of the three prodigal children. I was comforted by this knowledge. I may not have any friends anymore in this class but at least, at least I'm regarded as the smartest one here.

Every day during recess I will eat my meals as near possible to Jason but not too near to expose my intention. The daily 3 metre proximity for 10 minutes continued for three months. As far I was concerned Jason was still my bestfriend. He was just brainwashed by Muthu and he will wake up from his dream any moment now. Any moment now.

On one fateful recess, he left an exercise book on the canteen table and went off to play hide and seek with Muthu, Yvonne, Ivan and Jeremy. I picked it up his exercise book and double cheked it. Jason Ng, Bahasa Inggeris. It's fate. I will give the exercise book back to Jason and Muthu's seal will break! What a brilliant plan! But they're playing hide and seek. The only time I will catch Jason alone is when... when he arrive to school. He is always 30 minutes early. I'll wake up extra early tomorrow and tell Umi that I've a school programme to attend to tomorrow morning so I will have to be there an hour earlier.

Tomorrow never came. The night before Tomorrow, I was told by Umi that I will be changing school because Bapak was transfered to Sandakan.

I kept Jason Ng's Bahasa Inggeris exercise book to this day. His last assignment was:

Describe your best friend.

"My best friend's name is Arfik Deen. I friended him because he is smart and likes to read books every morning before class starts. We like to exchange food during recess. Once, I ackcidentaly gave him pork but he ate it anyway. He is a malay so he prays every afternoon in the surau. He likes to wear white tshirt after school and a silver bracelet his father gave him. He likes to say "Jom!" and "Alamak" eventoh we speak english with each other. He eats more than me but he is thinner than me. He looks like a chinese but cannot speak chinese. He is in a different class now but everyday during recess I will sit very near to his table. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore since Muthu scold him last year. He still reads every morning alone in front of the school gates. His favourite book is The Last Unicorn."

Deen (signature)

Happy Malaysia Day!

I was in Maktab Nasional's choir group once and this was our first song. We won the interstate choir competition. Biar putih tulang jangan putih mata~

This is my mom's favourite song. It's her staple song. I never hear her sing any other song than this one. I want to dedicate this song to her. She's on her way to perform Umrah today. Don't tell her this but whenever she nags I will imagine her singing this song instead of nagging.

This Ramadhan I Want...

1. I want to discipline myself to pray all five prayers.

2. I want to learn how to manage my finance more thoroughly and efficiently.

3. I want to finish making my 5 minutes documentary.

4. I want to practice an impeccable hygenic lifestyle.

5. I want to memorize everyone's birthday.

6. I want to re-memorize the Quran.

7. I want to speak clearly.

8. I want to practice good posture.

9. I want to clean my car every 2 weeks.

10. I want to be a world renown film director.

Immediacy for Change

Everyone's waiting for the Big Day. I'm just excited that finally, the fuel prize will be RM2.00 again. Am I a fan of Pakatan Rakyat? I couldn't say. But for what is worth, the idea of having two coalitions will spark change within the country. Both coalition will not be as complacent as BN is now. For once, the people will have the power to choose. And choose we shall.

Looking back at how Hak Ketuanan Melayu is uphold vigorously by UMNO, I can't help but to compare our situation with the United States when the african americans fought for their equal rights as citizens.

It seems hypocritical of me to think that I was able to comprehend and understand the struggle of african americans when white americans denied them of their basic rights but shrug off the notion of Hak Sama Rata.

Do I think we are ready? Honestly, no. We are not ready for this big change. Look what happened to some Melayu Singapura. Their BodohSombong attitude shows how we malays are not ready for a life changing paradigm shift. But if we're not ready now, at the peak of globalization, when will we? Leaders today have been complacent in educating the nation, thinking that by not bothering to free poor malays from the shackle of dependance, their service will still be necessary. Not only will their service be prolonged, they will also reap benefits of bumiputra priviledges for themselves.

This my friends, shows how flawed our NEP is.

If the government refuse to change our country, we will have no choice but to change the government. For better or worse.

It's a grim prospect I'm sure but it's necessary nonetheless. The immediacy for change is necessary as Malaysians will no longer tolerate incompetence.


(Sahur is my favourite time of the day during Ramadhan. After eating a bowl of oats and drinking a mug of hot milo, I will nuzzle my pillows and bury myself into the cotton burrow I made by swirling the comforter. Sweet sweet contentment.)

No no. I'm not offended. I'm not even angry. It's the internet for God's sake. We all love the internet, don't we? I can say what I want and you can say what you want under the cloak of anonymity. Is that how the freedom of internet works? I mean if the internet is so free, I shouldn't be bothered by anonymity, no?
Take this entry for example from Locengwangsa, attacking and insulting candidates under the name anonymous is a normal practice. I mean who in the right mind have the guts to character assasinate other people and still be accountable for it?
But in the light of Islam, throwing insults without being accountable for it is considered an act of fitnah, a sin that is as deadly as murder. Even if one is confident with the information one has, accountability is vital to provide a constructive and productive atmosphere for intellectual discourses.
I mean just look at how fellow politicians in Wangsa Maju, even with the knowledge that Wangsa Maju is no more an UMNO district is attacking one another as anonymouses. I find this pathetic, sad and embarrassing. I think they got their priorities wrong. I mean, just read the UMNO song lyric:
Berjasa Pada Bangsa
Agama Dan Negara
Bangsa then Agama and Negara. So upholding the interest of the Bangsa is a priority then? If this is so, character assasination can be justified. Malays in the past are champions when it comes to character assasination. Remember the story of Hang Nadim? Not only that he was wrongly accused of conspiring, he was also killed based on assumptions. We malays love drama, as long as it doesn't involve us. That's why when entering a subject of negative speculation, most malays prefer to be unknown and unaccountable even if their collective speculations will eventually bring disastrous results.
This is why I think to be good muslims, we have to disassociate ourselves from negative malay behaviours, one of them being the tendency to 'throw stones from a steep cliff'.
Yes yes, no one from below the cliff will know who threw the stones but they will know for a fact that the culprit is on the steep cliff. So off they go as a mob to punish the stone throwing culprit and guess what happened after this turn of events? The steep cliff couldn't hold the mob's load so the culprit, together with the mob fell to the ground where the stones are. Whether they die or not is really up to you. I mean the bigger the stones thrown or the higher the cliff is, the more disastrous the fall will be.
I'm not politically active (since I'm still a student), not yet at least. The thought of even considering myself to be active in politics would not even be incumbent if I have nothing to offer to Malaysians.

So You're Telling Me That I'm Gay?

Thanks for the hatemails, you pricks!
How is that even possible. I mean, you can tell me I've bushy eyebrows or my hair is out of control because those things are physically visible. But how can you tell me things that only I can decide?
Yes. Apparently, we human have the ability to decide what to think of ourselves . Nothing in our brain is set in stone. When Aqmal pointed out that
"Studies have proven that for most people, their sexual orientation is predetermined even before birth, while the child is being concieved."
I would like to point out that during the Greek and Roman empire, homosexuality can either be considered pederastic or a sophisticated form of youth loving. During those time, homosexual acts with boys are considered nobel and a delicacy reserved for great men. When Christianity flourished within Rome, homosexuality was considered a great sin and rules such as burning at the stake was introduced by Emperor Theodosius.
Perceptions, studies and even research on homosexuality evolves throughout the centuries and I don't think it will ever stop. More and more studies on homosexuality will be conducted and still, would you still believe that sexual orientation is determined even before birth when a sequent of valid scientific reasons are uncovered? Last year, a UPM academician discovered that consumption of a certain fish contaminated by chemical pollutants attributes to men's inclination to homosexuality. Will you dismiss this study and stick to the older study that you personally believe even though the research was conducted without cultural bias?
I think it is pathetic to tell me that I'm a confused gay teenager who is in denial. Sure, you are entitled to your opinion. In my opinion, you will believe in anything that rationalizes your homosexual behaviour. I also think you have underestimated the power of human mind-conditioning. Do you think that suicide bombers are born with a cavalier attitude towards death? Do you think that sexual offenders' inclination towards commiting sexual crimes is predetermined even before birth? How is homosexuality any different?
You might argue that homosexuality is not crime and therefore should not be compared with heinous crimes I mentioned. Fine. Do you think honesty is a god-given trait? Or kindness? Is is predetermined even before birth?
You have conditioned yourself to believe that your inclination towards men is natural and you have decided to embrace your inclination. So be it. I've no problem with that but telling me how I'm in the closet? Gay sex might be fine and dandy to you but to me, it's a serious offence. How would you feel if I tell you that you're inclined to commiting incest? You'll probably jump at the idea of having sex with your own sibling but have you actually commited it? If you haven't, how can I rightly accuse you with such accusation? (and mind you, incest in several some countries is a cultural norm)
With this idea in mind, don't you think accusing me of being gay is a blatant Fitnah?
I'm glad globalization caught up on you. I like the idea of Seksualiti Merdeka. It gives me more freedom to express my views on homosexuality and put a cork in homosexuality as perceived in the light of western liberalism. We have our own way of thinking and culture. We should decide on how homosexuality should be addressed in our country.
For me, I'm a muslim and I abide by Islamic laws and jurisdictions. I cover my aurah, perform my prayers and will stay away from homosexual activities.
I respect your decision to engage in male anal sex so you have to respect my decision to stay away from it. Amen.

Will I? Will You? Will It? Will They?

I don't see how criticizing politicians will stir racial disunity. Will I cause a racial riot when I tell you guys that:

Pak Lah is an Spineless Sleepy Asshole.

Will it be considered a sedition? Or a national threat? How about:

Najib is a Lump of Deep Sea Shit or

Anwar is a manipulative two-faced Bugger

Will the ISA arrest me for issuing a personal opinion of a politician? Will IIUM issue me an expulsion letter for criticizing the TPM. How about:

Lim Kit Siang is a Vengeful Dickhead

Will I be considered a racist and put into jail for causing instability of a multi-racial country? Do I have back my insults with proofs?

When Paklah tells people to COOL IT! will I be condemned by the current government by responding his call to 'put a lid on issues' by telling him to


Hariz and I conclude that racists Malaysians are those who feels offended when racist jokes are thrown to them. So that means that if I tell you that:

Malays are lazy

Chinese are cheaters

Indian are liars

you'll be damned as racist if you feel offended by my stereotyping.

Sendiri Fikirlah!

Mission Possible: Alamak!


TRANSLATION: bukak puasa free and duit belanja

PLAN1: Call Bapak
Called Bapak, dengan malu-malu kucing told him how I've to spend extra money to accomodate Ramadhan. He simply answered "Biasa la bang.." PLAN1 FAIL

PLAN2: Ask for Advance
I delivered the samples already but my client is not around to pay me the advance. I cannot appear desperate and demand for an advance because it is not convenient for her to do so since she's busy working. PLAN2 FAIL

PLAN3: Borrow Money from Friends
All my peers (of similar economic standing) are having difficulty coping with this month. They have to buy their baju melayu, bus/train tickets etc. Food is also more expensive this holy month. That's why my roommates and I consume Quaker Oats for Sahur for the whole month. It's fuss-free and cheap. It's also nausea-inducing and cheap. Did I mention that it's cheap? PLAN3 FAIL

PLAN4: Extract Savings
After giving it much thought, taking out money from my savings will subsequently make it a habit. I need my savings for my future undertakings. PLAN4 FAIL
PLAN5 will commence shortly...

Raya Cards

I just finished designing some Raya card samples. Standard stuff. This one is for Puteri UMNO. Another random client who wants her card to be nice and cheap. I'm an expert when it comes to nice and cheap. My proposal is usually simply "So you want your card to be Nice and Cheap." and the client will gasp and shout out loud "Anda Genius!" for everyone in the mamak restaurant to take notice.
I'm hoping for a funky client (imagine a green afro with matching dyed snail trail) who would tell me to "make a funky card baby. Mamammia, here I go again... (sila nyanyi pada masa lapang sendiri)".

I'm thinking a green and yellow facade with a hole that expose a soft fabric with a

'picit ini untuk meraikan Hari Raya'

is printed above it. So the unknowing receiver would poke the dark soft fabric and realize that there's neither music nor accented lighting that respond to the poking. He/she will open the card and voila!









Si dia telah meraikan Hari Raya dengan memicit-micit buah dada wanita arab yang tidak bersalah:

"Ya Habibi Ya Maulana! Tiada tities tiada Guna!" shouts the cards when it is finally opened.

That'll be so uber cool.

Cik Kiah

Hujan di Kuala Lumpur,
Hujan tak berhenti-henti,
Cik Kiah pergi visit kubur,
Sebelum dia mati.
Hujan di sana sini,
Di sana hujan di situ pun hujan,
Selepas Cik Kiah mati,
Kuburnya divisit pemuda tampan.
Hujan lagi hari ini,
Bilalah hujan hendak berhenti,
Pemuda tampan bunuh diri,
Mereka berdua bersemadi sekali.
Hujan dan petir sedang asyik berduet
Cik Kiah tiba tiba hidup kembali,
Rupa-rupanya ini cerita Romeo dan Juliet,
Yang dipendekkan menjadi
Ucapan 'Selamat Berbuka Puasa Everybody!'

Seksualiti Merdeka

Seksualiti Merdeka. Sexuality Independance.
No. It's not about the freedom of anal-sex and sensual-dildo-sex but the freedom to exude homosexual/bisexual lifestyles.
Seksualiti Merdeka will take place on 29, 30 & 31 August in conjunction with our Merdeka celebrations to address the fact that 51 years after independence, not all Malaysians are free to be who they are. Many of us are proud productive citizens of the country, yet we live double lives, pretending to be somebody we are not; fearful we may lose our jobs, our families, our lives, the moment someone finds out who we truly love. It is time to ask, why this has to be. Cause, as the song says, if one of us ain’t free, none of us are free.
You know what? Live and let live. I don't mind befriending self-proclaimed proud and loud friends who prefers anal penetration. What matter is that I'm a muslim and in Islam, homosexuality is forbidden. Enough said.
You can discuss homosexuality in great length but we are mere mortals with limited intelligence. We can try our best to rationalize homosexuality but as muslims, we should know better than to trust muslim performers, activists and artists who thinks like atheists.
And on the subject of leading a double life, do thieves walk around telling people "I just stole that guys wallet. He seems cavalier about it."? If it's something forbidden, why should we be proud about it? Justifying a crime will not change the implication of the crime.

Kenapa Kamu Nampak Kubur

Mew: Why Are You Looking Grave
It's a really cool video. I like the part when the lead singer Jonas Bjerne circles the tree trunk in an unassuming manner. SO COOL in a cavalier sense. So cavaliCOOL.

Disturbia Malaysia

Damdam deedam damdam deedam dam.

Kenapa orang melayu je kene hysteria. Kenapa orang india, cina, arab atau omputih tak kene..
Kenapa perempuan bertudung je kene...
Kenapa pihak sekolah tak panggil psychologist or psychiatrist to treat girls with..
Kenape dorang prefer panggil bomoh? Kenape? Kalau dorang sakit perut adakah dorang akan pegi jumpa bomoh atau beli Eno? Elok lagi belikan budak-budak hysterical Eno daripada bawak dorang jumpa bomoh. Sebab bomoh mana jual Eno. Afiq demam minum Eno pun boleh sihat. Eno tu macam minyak angin, sakit apebende pun boleh cure.
Enough drama. Malas nak layan kerenah drama-drama yang melanda. Malas nak layan pelakon-pelakon yang hipokrit. Malas nak layan scriptwriter yang syok sendiri. Malaslah. Biarlah mereka membuka teater mereka sendiri. Mesti ramai orang datang dan ketawa berdekah-dekah dan menangis sehingga tear duct mereka harus di-refill.


Hadi will be going back to Sabah. It is already decided. It saddens me that Hadi is not taking charge of this situation. But when I see him cried like I did when I was his age, I thought it's better for him to know the mechanics of his situation. But like me when I was younger, he is adamant that my mother is doing the right thing and he'll honour her decision.

I'm afraid he will have to endure what I'd endured. Maybe that's the only way. As much as it pained me to see him feeling confuse and guilty, I think it is best for him to learn what I'd learned the way I did.

I thought I could be a responsible big brother and try to persuade him to not repeat my mistakes. It seems that I failed to do so. This whole trip is a failure. I feel terrible. I feel useless.
I love you with all my heart but there are some things I don't agree and this is one of them. I hope you understand the gravity of your actions. Let's think about Hadi's future and be sensible.


Orang lain baca Quran, berselawat, memuji-muji ciptaan-Nya dan bersembahyang sunat, afiq pulak tengok merepekz kat Youtube.

Heran giler, macam mane Tegomass (gabungan Tegoshi and Massu) boleh femes dekat Sweden. Name album dorang Miso Soup plak tu.

Kalau kita hantar KRU pegi Sweden pastu promote Album bertajuk Nasi Lemak rase-rasenye orang Sweden layan tak?

Kalau afiq ni gila-gila sket, memang afiq nak belajar bahasa jepun pastu pegi berdakwah Islam kat Jepun. Mesti ramai masuk Islam pastu dalam masa 10 tahun gerenti Islam takluk dunia dalam bidang teknologi. Terer tak?