Sepuluh Benda Yang Kamu Patut Tahu Apabila Bermastautin di Malaysia

Have you heard about the Chad student who was stabbed to death by a malay youth? Call me a racist but as a IIUM student with many international friends, I find it hard to not stereotype foreigners because the stereotype often fits them. And the best part of all this is that as it seems, foreigners inflicted by stereotyping never made any effort to improve themselves.
And by improve themselves I mean socially climatizing to our culture. Here's a Top 10 Most Important Things Foreigners Should Know When Living In Malaysia

1. Roads are not pavements for loitering. Roads are where kiasu Malaysian drivers kill each other. Unless you want to contribute to our amazing death toll statistics, be safe and avoid sitting, loitering, eating, feasting or walking on tarred roads.

2. Keep your noise to the minimum at night. Malaysians in general like their nights silent and noise-free. Even during celebrations, our nights are very quiet. So restrain yourselves from dancing your night away in homes. Have you heard sexual grunting or shouting from Malaysian homes? Exactly. Your climax Allahuakabar is for us, infinitely disturbing and religiously wrong. We have allocated special places where people can make all their nonsensical noise like night clubs and the parliament.

3. We do not express our dissatisfaction by scolding. We simply keep it to ourselves and bitch about it later to people we're sure have no relation to the person we're bitching about. If the need to scold is necessary, please don't shout. Mumbling is okay-lah. Telling it as it is still tolerable. But don't shout. Compensate shouting with piercing sarcasm instead.

4. To talk to a friend who lives two blocks from you, it is custom here to SMS or misscall him/her before going to his/her room to converse. Conversing loudly outside your windows are very unusual practice here. If you feel the need to do so, get yourself two plastic cups and a string and voila, a communication service with no hidden charges.

5. Our passion is our food so insulting our food is like insulting us. When we offer a plate of Nasi Lemak, take the damn Nasi Lemak and shove it down your throat like you haven't eaten for weeks. Yes, we all think that not eating for weeks is norm from where you're from, we have Discovery Channel. Tell the person who gave you the Nasi Lemak that your tears are tears of happiness.

6. Learn how to speak Malay. Because we're fed up of accomodating tourists to their every whims. We're fed up of having to resort to sign language to convey information. Learn the language beforehand if possible. If you didn't, learn it now. Start by memorizing and understanding all kinds of Nasi Gorengs and Nasi Lemak toppings. I bet you didn't speak arabic when you visited United States of England. Why should this country be any different?

7. Don't get angry when somebody confuse you for a Chad nationality when you're actually Somalian. It doesn't matter. Have a sense of continental patriotism for God's sake and be thankful that we didn't mistaken you for an Orang Asli. You haven't met any Orang Asli yet? They came here a few hundred years ago and disrespected our culture so we put them away in forests and call them the people of origin.
8. You ain't no gangsta son!

Cut it out. Stop making fun of yourselves. The gangsta culture is not African. It's african american's. Sheesh. We have enough Indian gangstas to supply us their home grown hip hop beats. Opt for a more african influence. Sean Kingston Yo! Ya baggie cloth and ya hommie lingo ain't na foolin' the best of us mann. Be yourself mann. Be Afrikann.

9. Respect your hosts. We may be small, quiet and courteous but that doesn't mean we can't kick your ass if you disrespect us. So respect our culture and be quiet and courteous. We've adapted your B.O. and strange smells coming out from your kitchens so get your smiling gear working and SMILE at Cik Timah and Pak Tam and their drug addict son Leman. Tips: Learn a few things or two from Dato' M. Daud Kilau: Senyumlah, senyumlah Che Mek Molek...

10. Be more like Dina Salah. She speaks fluent Malay, generally polite to all her Malaysian friends and embraced our colourful Malaysian culture. She listens to Siti Nurhaliza and Mawi. Her favourite phrase is Best Giler!


shockresistant7 said...

its hard when your role is th unofficial bridge. but i agree to a certain extent, some don't do enough to adapt. some don't do anything at all, other than complain about the weather. but some go all out and are more malay than I am.

Danny said...

dat was a frank opinion Afiq :D

Huddy said...

very amusing yet honest! i enjoyed it huhu.

myadlan said...

this goes to all foreign students in UIA right? hehe

yaya said...

some of them boarded the train in large group and caused one hell of a commotion.I dnt see the need to talk loudly when the person u r talkin to is right next to u.Are almost all of them suffering from chronic tone deaf or sumthing?Kata bijak tapi manners sume go down the drain.


1. Ko nih brutal-ar..

2. Aku hingat aweks mana tadi yang pakai spek Paris Hilton tuh!!

3. Biatch!!!

Shafique Laiho said...

this one is nice! :D

Anonymous said...

afiq r u sure he is uia student?
my bro keje kat kpt said student of help college

Afiq Deen said...

sila baca balik surat khabar

sharman said...

sean kingston not african la... he jamaican... budak raggaeeeee

Afiq Deen said...

Hmmmm.... betol jugak. But there isn't any influential pop culture in the continent.

The second most apparent fusion of afro culture is reggae, a better and more relatable influence. Me no stupid like you think. Me smart. Me IQ 137.

Me no like smart alecks

Anonymous said...

people who cant respect others, people who think they are superior, people who are among the rudest in the world.
see the difference at the opposite checkpoints in johor-singapore

cant help but for "foreigners" this is our image of you

Afiq Deen said...

I know, right?

I'm so full of myself, aren't I. The same cannot be said to most Malaysians though.

Most Malaysians, unlike me, are polite and courteous. But then again, I can be one of them. You might never know. Haha.

I'm sorry that most Malaysians think that malay singaporeans are detached syok sendiri bodosombong human beings. I mean you think I'm disrespectful etc and you're entitled to your opinion, no matter how it resonates your own state of being.

Afiq Deen said...

And please, use a nick. It's not as it I don't know which blog you're from because i do. I've a statcounter premier account.

And I'm sorry for saying it as it is. Because it is as it is. Unless we acknowledge truth, lies will become the accepted truth. And how will affect change if we live in a illusionary united happy happy world when we base our actions on lies? Every misunderstanding and hatred has its origin and what happened is an isolated case that may spread if africans refuse to accept and adapt to Malaysian customs.

It is as simple as that. No UNITY jargon necessary here.

mgiL said...

well said man! i have to say the same situation applies in utp (in tronoh by the way)...but there the iranians and ex-soviets are the ones always into trouble...

Dammit said...

Err kalau dorang baca, tajuk post ni pun dorang tak faham kot.haha

Gorgeous Ol' Eve Loves Vanilla. You? said...

This post contains the most honest tips, ever! Amen! :)

You're good, mister. I like your wit.

Mira said...

True True True

sharman said...

hahaha im just saying i guess thats y they dont get influence by sean k. hmmm remember blood diamond? i stereotype that they listen to the same kinda songs as depicted in the movie

hahaha honestly, i know u aint stupid... thats y i like reading yrs... and pls i aint no smart aleck... sorry if it appeared so

a u f a said...

i dont know whether u r trying to be sarcastic or funny here..or just being blunt. but it seems like ur justifying the murder of the dude. and its just wrong. just bcoz they dont incorporate our culture, that never gave us the right to taunt or torment them, what more to kill them.

Afiq Deen said...

We can never justify murder. And I didn't.

But if you feel that I did, it is strictly your personal opinion

Anonymous said...

No 1. Agreed
No2. Agreed
No.3 Agreed
No.4. Sort of Agreed As well
No. 5 UR passion is ur food that is the only reason u guys are depending heavily on foreigner. U think you generate the money in this country? Hello Wake up!! its all the money you get from foreigners, "Makan Nasi" Tidur Lambat, Bangun Lambat thts is YOU...And about dsicovery channel, instead of pitty for humanity and the poor, ur making fun..shame on you , your the lowest form of human being in existence.

6. sort of Agreed
7. You are the orang asli bro..u forgot ur origins? ur great grandfathers are indons..."INgat ke tak" Adek Beradek." You still have to learn alot about people cultures ,The only culture you know well is only ur own.

8. Agreed.
10. No comments

Anonymous said...

i only agree tht all of you are no the same..but its clear tht most of you havent even woken up, most you might even not know tht the world is OVAL and not round.