I know right. Afiq celebrating Thanksgiving after his lengthy blog entry on Halloween?
It wasn't my idea. My cousin suggested it and bought a turkey yesterday. What was I to do than to help her prepare and bake the turkey.
Smoulder cavities with salt and pepper, it reads. Mimicking a soft spoken chef, "Ya puan-puan, kita ramas-ramaskan ketiak kakun. Selepas itu ya puan-puan, kita ramas-ramaskan celah-celap paha dengan garam..." I turned the turkey breast first, smoulder melted butter and gave it a soothing massage.
If it weren't for the absence of surgical robes, masks and caps and the fact that the operation was done in a kitchen, we could've been mistaken as sergeons. "Kak Seri, bawakan stuffing." I examined the turkey's asshole by poking it with a wooden spoon to determine its diameter. "Okay, she's ready for her first and final penetration."
I suggested that we insert the stuffing through the asshole. Kak Seri retorted "Ish, mana boleh dong!". "Are you sure it's through the back?" Diyana checked the printed recipe and instruction we got from howto.com. I grabbed a handful and shove it through the turkey's asshole anyway. "Whoa, Afiq is getting turned on!" Hariz appeared out of nowhere with his videocam. "Oh yeah, you like it that way, don't you Afiq." I took my hand out from the turkey and sucked the remaining filling from it. Everything mundane needs a Wow factor when it is caught on video.
We'll make sure everyone eats the turkey first before we show them the video on how we prepared it. You know, just in case.
Fiver hours later....
Even though it was the first time we ever cooked a turkey, it was (do it like Jack Black in Nacho Libre) Fantastic!
X 0 xx O xx O x X
A few months back when everyone (who eats carb irresponsibly) (as if I don't) was crazy about cupcakes, I was one those people who will show my discontent by provoking my friends who joined in the craze by asking them "Ada apa dengan cupcakes?"
"It's a cup in a cake. It's more mobile than your usual cake."
"But the hype is overwhelming. It doesn't make sense! Satu lagi, people are crazy about the decoration than the taste."
"Like your design lah, you're always more concerned about the aesthetics."
It's true. The only thing I like about cupcakes is the creativity that comes with it, especially when it serves as a form of expression.
I'm calling this cupcake of mine Kecewa
It'll be a fitting ending if they do a Thelma and Louise together. You know, the part both of them speed off from a cliff.
Nope, I wasn't drunk. I was just slightly flustered. And yeah, I am also still slightly deaf.
8. Nothing happened between me and Haikal. Seriously. Nothing. Until this day, I still think his vanity is a huge barrier for our friendship to really work.
But he's a good friend. A friend I can never quite understand but hey I've plenty more friends to get by.
I have a feeling that not all pengkids are sexually active lesbians. They are just slightly masculine girls. We shouldn't have problems with slightly masculine females. Dato' Azalina is slightly masculine and unmarried but that didn't deter her from being successful.
Personally, I think pengkids are faking it. They are not as passionate about football like reasonably effiminate girls like Lubna nor do they enjoy watching contact sports like Pro wrestling or Sumo. They fake it because they feel secluded from the hot girls circuit. Since they have big frames and are slightly chubby, they failed in generating sexual interest of men yang suka usha usha benda baek. So they get their revenge by dressing up as boys and get the hottest girls to go out with them. Maka berkuranglah perempuan berspecies hot in the hot girls circuit. But that's my personal opinion lah.
(But whatever it is, I can't help but to laugh at pengkids sense of style. All lebih kurang. G.I. Joe shorts, polo shirts yang colar ala2 pelakon Korea, beaded necklace, pasar malam shades and excessive amount of Brylcreem. It's so very amatuer-ish, very unlike our professional MakNyahs.)
When a person is down with a desease, will we cure it by telling him again and again that he will die if the desease spread and his body deteriorate? Or will we diagnose his body and cure him with the best medical solution?
What they need are ears to listen to their problems, mouths to sooth their troubled souls, hands to embrace their shivering bodies and love to realize their self worth. Instead they are patronized by people who are supposed to guide them.
Macam mana ni bhai?
I went to Sungai Pisang hidden waterfall with friends yesterday. I wanted to blog about it yesterday but I found it difficult to describe something that totally pulls out the reality that binds my sense of relativity. I guess that's why people write and read poems because there are some experience that's best described by granting plausible voids.
Frog infested tunnels, impossible steps, riverbends with pulling current, spiked shrubs and prickly highway heat.
Moist frog skin, reaching leeches, crumbling rocks, the journey teach us.
Washing sounds, chirping birds, nesting bees, the destination meet us.
Sheltered sky, raining leafs, climbing branches, the wind heave us.
Icy water, slippery rocks, clean sand, tranquil current, nature's pieces.
Climbing peaks, hesitating, "death is in God's hands"
Resting fate on the mercy of gravity, holding breath, clasping palms.
Gasping for air, air, air, red stinging palms.
Higher peaks, higher, higher, even redder palms,
"Cukuplah tu Afiq! Ko budget ko ni Tarzan ke hape?"
"Tinggi-tinggi sangat ni ko ni baik bawak mengucap!"
shouts a friend from below.
"I don't care." Afiq adopts an Indian accent.
Another drop of destiny, stinging palms, red palms.
The journey back, whizzing traffic, smiling bus drivers, waving japanese tourists.
"We were young once." they beam and smile and wave.
The announcement would be made by the council's chairman, Prof Datuk Dr Abdul Shukor Husin, said Deputy Director-General (Operations) of the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia (Jakim) Othman Mustapha.
He told reporters this after opening the two-day seminar on Islamic Jurisprudence and Eternal Islamic Thinking at Universiti Sains Malaysia jointly organised by the Islamic Studies Division of the university's Human Knowledge Study Centre and Jakim here today.
Yesterday, lecturer Prof Zakaria Stapa of Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia's Islamic Studies Centre advised Muslims who have taken up yoga to stop practising it for fear that it could deviate their belief.-- BERNAMA
So now the national fatwa council members are idiots? Isn't that just plain disrespectful. It's like calling priests or spritual leaders bigots. Aiyo, Michelle Gunaselan. I don't like her KLUE monthly column at all. She's a racist bigot who plays the Liberal card more often than the amount of times I wank in a month.
I don't see the fuss is all about though. Pokemon was also once haram but I played it anyway with friends and when our Ustaz asked us what we were playing...
"Kamu main Pokemon yang haram tu ke?"
"Eh bukan, kami tengah main Doraemon ustaz..."
"Oh Doraemon, ingatkan Pokemon. Comel ye binatang
So let's say the Nat Fatwa haramkan Yoga, muslims can simply alter some parts of it like injecting Islamic elements like berzikir while meditating. When the Nat Fatwa council officers visit premises that practice Yoga....
"Ha! Kamu buat apa ni? Kamu tau tak yang Yoga
"Subhanallah, walhamdulillah, walailahaillah, allahuakbar"
"Cik, cik tak dengar ke....."
"Eh Ustaz, assalamualaikum. Kami tengah membuat Senaman Hadhari ni, bukan Yoga."
"Oh Senaman Hadhari yang diendorse Datin Seri Jeanne tu? Boleh kami sertai sekali?"
I know some people tried the hairstyle only to look like an Indie music enthusiast or a minimalist artist lookalike but I'm sure I can pull it off. I mean look at the plus side, I'll get make my rather oblong head rounder and act korean and shit. I can even melatah like one. Instead of "Opocot mak engko" I'll go "Park paryo sumida"
And instead of going "Fuckity fuck fuck fuck" when I get frustrated, I can opt a simple "Aaieeeeesh, Aaieeess -yo". I can even speak english like a korean. "Oh my Goood, theez iz greaoyt!"
When I'm broke I can eat maggi but tell people I eat Ramyon. Or I can find a girlfriend by acting cool in front of a high end cafe and wait for an unsuspecting clumsy but cute korean girl to accidentally bump onto me.
An yoh hashimni kah, chay rahmun Afiq Deen-Yo
Who will play James Bond, the sweet talker with a dictionary of narratives?
Who will play James Bond's booty call who will eventually die after being deflowered by Bond?
Zarina Ann Julie
Who will play M, the hard-ass head of secret service?
The TUDM General contemplates on bombing a van packed with explosives parked at Seri Rampai LRT station. (the government already approved the free demolition by movie producers to minimize government spending) M frowns and calls for Miss Money Penny played by Sheila Rusli. "Get me Bond, get me Bond now!" "Ya segera tanter." Miss Money Penny returns to her desk to continue with the latest scoop on Norman Hakim's adultery case to her good friend as quickly as possible so she could call Bond.
"What we have here is a no-brainer. I say just bomb the goddamn station before it detonates and kill millions!" The General spits in his Maxis coffee mug. "But thousands will perish if we bomb it now, without notice." said M as she walks to the projection screen and points at the google map indication of the LRT station which is just beside an indication of Rumah Kenduri Kahwin Ashari dan Aisyah.
"I'm sorry madame, I think you don't have the balls to act on situations like this." The General sips a bit of coffee from his Celcom mug to enhance the aftertaste of his knock-out sarcasm. "That may be, but remember General, I don't have to spend most of my time thinking about them too. Money Penny! Have you contacted Bond yet?" "Iya, sudah tanter, katanya, dia enggak mboleh. Dia ada hal sedikit di bank di Ampang, ATM kadnya ditelann." Money Penny speeds off to her desk to sort things out with a chinese mechanic who's waiting for Bond outside the bank to get his payment for replacing the Mazda RX8's coolant container.
"We have 5 more seconds until detonation. What's your call M?" The General takes a Digi mug and throws it to the projection screen, turning the screen Celcom-blue.
"I, I, I...... I..."
There’s not a day I don’t miss her. Not a day passed without her shadow lurking behind mine, clinching my conscience. I walk past those shadows and loathe how it resembles mine. How I’m becoming the very thing I hate about the very person I love. I can see how her mistakes are becoming mine and how my mistakes are becoming an embodiment of myself.
Contrary to popular belief, love does not heal anything nor does it play a role in mediating mistakes. Love is a natural process. It is a process to build as it is a process to destroy. In any comprehensible terms, love is still, within the limit of human understanding, unconditional. It simply means love is there and hey, do whatever you want with it.
But love will never discredit mistakes. The notion of love being the silent apologizer is preposterous. Why then do we have to beg for forgiveness from God for all our sins? Shouldn’t loving God suffice as an apology?
I know she will never admit her mistakes. I know she thinks that her mistakes are all justifiable and how they are not intended by her. I know she thinks she made them because she had no other choice. I know she feels that her mistakes weren’t even mistakes to begin with. I know all this, and despite my acute reasoning, I await the moment when I can prowl behind her back and nudge her repeatedly with accusing Aha-s.
My animosity is feeding my indifference. My indifference is feeding my ego. My ego is feeding me with 'principles'. And my principles is telling every other part of my conscience to shut the fuck up.
The fire is nearing. Is my bucket of water enough to keep me from burning myself? Will it be ever enough to wash away the fire altogether. Or will I fight fire with a more powerful fire and join the cycle?
Afiq Deen is currently undergoing a strict exam season regime from Monday to Thursday. He will limit his daily activities to
- Eating healthy
- Working out
- Watching Celebrity Apprentice
So he could
- Pass his exams
- Lose his Raya excess weight
- Gain some mass
- Get inspired to be Someone
Till then peeps!