The Foolishness of Me

She waited in the dark. She pressed her thumb onto her index finger, agitated by the sickly humidity of the riverside.

"Assalamualaikum."

"Waalaikumsalam." She flashed a twitchy smile.

"Kita kena bincang." I said non-chalantly.

"Oh."

I lowered my gaze. "This is hard." I told her. I lied. It was the easiest decision I ever made.

"Kenapa Afiq? Apa yang Afiq nak bincangkan." She said accusingly. She knows. I can see it in her face. She knows that it's coming. She wouldn't have known if I didn't write my intention in my blog. I know she might feel that telling unknowing readers about it before she heard it herself is unethical.

"Macam ni lah." What I did was done with due consideration. What I did was I fluffed the cushion that she will fall on tonight.

"Cakaplah Afiq." Her eyes gleamed hope.

"Afiq rasa kita tak sesuai bersama. Sampai sini sajalah."

"Kenapa?"

"Sebab Afiq rasa kita tak sesuai."

Hope dissapeared from her eyes. It was replace by the bitterness of loss. My eyes, my eyes were vacant and unnerving.

"Nak tanya ni, kenapa Afiq tulis dalam blog pasal nak break up sebelum Afiq bagitau sendiri."

"Kita tak sesuai." I repeated. "Memang tak boleh macam ni."

"Kenapa? Afiq tak fikir ke pasal perasaan orang lain?"

"Kita tak boleh." The fact that she prepared a list of things to enquire was a good sign. She was prepared. She fell perfectly on the cushion I made. "You deserve better."

Again, I lied.