A Virgin No More

Preparation was nerve wrecking. I didn't know which shoes to wear.

"There'll be a lot of jumping and dancing kan?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"So pakai running shoes lah kan? It's light and..."

"Running shoes? No no no, pakai your black shoes."

Once we arrived at Euphoria, there was a long queue to get in because entrance before 11pm is free of charge so the bouncers purposely blocked the entrance the whole night, only to let people in a few minutes before 11. All the bouncers are 6 footers and ridiculously huge, making Puan Marina who taught me BM in highschool immediately eligible for the post. As we neared the entrance, they announced that we have to pay pulak. Aiseh! My female friends got in for free because they're girls. For a place where kononnya open-minded people hang out, this place is surprisingly sexist.

Once we got in, I realized how men here are well dressed and the women are literally wearing skimpy whore-like outfits. Even those who are not keen on salad exposed their udders to perhaps help advertise dairy products. I got in the dance floor and whoa-wie. Imagine red, blue and green projected lasers, shisha smelling smoke, booming speakers surrounding the dancefloor and and people all over the place. For those who've never been to clubs, it's similar to crowded pasar malams with funky lights kelantanese gangsters use to promote their dvd haram stalls.

"People susah-susah dress up and put up make-up but we have to dance in the dark?"

"Yeah, it's where people get dates and flirt lah."

"Only to wake up and find out that the girl they slept with looks like Big Mama."

"Hahaha!"

I promised myself to only observe. As an observer. But after 5 minutes of crossing my arms and slightly bobbing my head, I got loose and boogied to the beat, kayu style... After a while, I secluded myself from the centre of the dance floor to do what I promised myself to do; to observe.

Okay, so there were cina bukit who wears expensive looking set of generics they probably bought at BB or PS. They only stood around like dumbfounded waiters/waitresses and those who attempted to dance either can't dance or tried too many dances all at once. There were teen arabs who danced to the rythm of Pink's So What like they were dancing to Ya Habibi, ya habibi, ya habibi ya nurul ain. There were also english speaking indians and chinese who are probably Sunway College students. These people don't think twice when they drink so after they got tipsy, they'll be all over their girlfriends' face.

Ahah, there were two types of malay who clubbed at Euphoria. The first type are the malays who live nearby, speak broken english, drink their allocated alcohol and dress up casually (usually t-shirts) The second type are those who had to travel in overcrowded local cars to Subang, queue up right in time to get in for free and take load of pictures that they will later upload on friendster and myspace so they could look like the first type.

After a few minutes of 'observing', I tipped an aging dancer (who performed on an elevated podium) by shoving 5 ringgit into her cash-filled beer mug. After a quick look of her exposed panties, I went back to the dance floor and group boogied. When the dancefloor got overcrowded, we took a break from clubbing and went to a nearby kedai mamak for drinks. On our way, there were kononnya drunk friends of my cousin. Seriously dude, you won't get drunk after drinking a bottle of Heineken!

I don't see how drinking can make clubbing more fun. I had fun because I was conscious of the fun I had. Sure there were things that weren't so fun like the sight of overly provocative girls. I had to look up or close my eyes when they suddenly appear in front of me. There were people who shoved their way to the centre of the dancefloor but yang paling tak tahan were those who grope their way to the centre. Pegang sini, pegang sana, excuse me macha, leave my lovehandles alone!

We left the club relatively early (2 am!), walked into a very empty Sunway Pyramid to get to the parking lot. My eyes were dazed to a point that I could easily get epilepsy. I've to admit, nothing particularly spectacular happened. I wasn't expecting much anyway so I wasn't dissapointed.

Nope, I wasn't drunk. I was just slightly flustered. And yeah, I am also still slightly deaf.

Slightly.