This purple cloud, this deep hatred towards displays of Islam-related oxymoronic behaviours had plague me for much of my life. It made me avoid anything deemed as Islamic, prompting me to explore Islam on my own. This is why I took it upon myself to blatantly disregard anything considered Islamic even though I secretly obliged Islam's jurisprudence and customs. This is why I avoided mosques and prefer praying stealthily.
I wasn't being contrary for the sake of it. I was just, you know, torn apart.
Islam was the source of my mother's vindication that scarred my youth. Her bad choices that affected the whole family was all, according to her, a prescribed 'Ad-Deen' way of life.
Islam was written on the badge of my tahfiz jubah I wore when I saw my Ustaz comparing his penis to one of my friend's before taking 'measurements' for a new outfit.
Islam was the excuse used for fellow students who kicked a dying man who fell down from the 2nd floor after he was caught having sex with male student.
Islam, Islam, Islam.
I know. I know Islam played no part in the deterioration of the human condition nor did it assist the devastation caused by it's very name. I know. I do find it funny how I was exposed to a large dosage of muslims' hypocrisy even before I fully embrace Islam. Maybe that's why I think my Islam and their Islam is different.
My Islam wants me to be patient, caring, driven, tactful, critical, innovative and progressive and their Islam wants them to be impatient, caring, complacent, hysterical, critical, ignorant and defensive.
My Islam wants me to learn about life's many mysteries and live my life the best way possible.
Their Islam wants them to learn about Islam and live their life for Islam, in the name of Islam.
I have my religion, and you have yours.
But once in a while I see and meet people who practice Islam the way my Islam taught me how to. People like Yvonne Ridley, Yasmin Ahmad, Lubna, Baba Ali, Outlandish etc. Simple folks who live their life with their Islam.
If all muslims are more like them, I would gladly go to mosques and join congregations. I would be more than happy to hear khutbahs about healthy eating and exercise.
If only, eh?