I think it's awesome that I can open an application in my phone using voice command. But then again my nerd of a roommate told me that this is last century's technology. I don't think he meant it literally though because a century ago, the only mobile technology was bottled water and foldable chair, (I think).

When it comes to SMSes, until today I don't get why we are getting charged 15 cents per SMS when digits sent are actually quantifiable. Why not a 0.01 cents per letter rate or 5 words, 1 free smiley promotion? Because of this obvious fraud, I made it a point to cantikkan SMSes with seloka, pantun, sajak and gurindam so I wouldn't waste charged vacant text space. These are some of my sent texts:
This season the roses are in full bloom,
Full bloom with a scent of barley,
Ina ko ni dah siap ke belum,
Cepatlah aku nak gerak dengan Li.
Nael membawa kereta dengan laju,
Laju laju seperti formula one,
Nael yang baik tolong angkat baju,
Baju baju the red and blue one.
Baby you know it baby you do,
That my heart belongs to Sally,
Sarah jangan lupa bawa dadu,
Tak cukup satu nak main monopoli
I takes a group of men to start a war,
But it takes one brave man to make merry,
Oi Syah apa ko buat lama-lama dekat luar?
Dua tiga kucing berlari.
Seluar Pak Endot berlubey satu,
Mak Endot pulok buek tak pahey,
Mu kecek gapo aku tak tahu,
Kuch kuch hota hei.
Dah habis credit ke Ina yang ayu?
You guna Digi, Maxis, Hotlink ke Celcom?
Tapi kan you ade wifi kat bilik you,
Kita chat jelah kat afiqsays.blogspot.com.
Pak Salman dibaham ikan yu,
Ikan paus lalu, dua-dua kena telan,
Selamat Tahun Baru,
2009 ; )

Salam Maal Hijrah

Yes, I think I'm going to use one of those for dessert
I think it's celebration-worthy that Maal Hijrah and New Year are neighbours. It's also note-worthy to say the least, that I'm cooking up a set of resolutions? Pedulik.
What's for certain is I won't repeat last year's resoulutions like 1. Lose 5 kg 2. Six pack abs 3. Will not watch por... Well, I might as well give a good prodding to the younger me for being a vain pervert with insatiable desire for porn because a year later it was incumbent that the only thrill of porn is the pursuit of it.
This year, I want to lead a full life. I want to pry above impossible hedges before leaping onto them so I could bring them down. Hedges are for pussies and pretentious dickwarts.
I want to continue learning and discovering the world and myself. I want to be optimistic like Puteri. I want to enjoy literature like Lubna. I want to work hard like Suhail. I want to love like Auntie Tijah. I want to learn mandarin like Megat. I want to eat like Nael. I want to travel like Uncle Lan and Mama Ida. I want to cook like Jamie Oliver. I want to learn how to never give up like Ummi. I want to serve my country like Dr. M. I want to fight for Islam like prophet Muhammad. I want to grow up, grow old and grow wise. I want to be more than what I think I'm capable of.
But most of all, I want to be happy. Isn't that our one and only desire, to be happy?


Yesterday my friend suspected his girlfriend was cheating on him. He asked me for help. I helped. I drove him 50km to his girlfriend's house so he could catch her in her collegue's car. Tapi jalan jammed so she got back home first. When we reached Bangi, he talked to her for an hour. I'd to wait lah in the car like a patung kuil.
My friend and his girlfriends were together for two years until a 29 year old colleague came along and flirted with her. Now she wants to Solat Istiqarah which means, she already has two options.
Dang, Girls!
You see, most of my close friends are jiwang karat. They get in love, commit to being celibate until the promised day and get dumped on the spot when their sweethearts bumped into someone with a imported Korean car and an apartment at Bukit Antarabangsa. What these bitches don't know is these close friends of mine are future leaders of their trade. Well, bitches ARE colour blind.
My friend's maruah was clearly tampered with so he asked me for my advice. I told him to be a man. "Be a man! Do the right thing!"
"Do what you think is right for you."
I've to admit, I'm the last person to give advice about relationships. I had 6 girlfriends and I dumped all of them. The moment my ex-girlfriend jual mahal to get my attention by going out with other guys, I will make it a point to meet her to personally tell her "I don't think we're right for each other, sorry." Being the kind person that I am, I included a bonus smile too.
I broke up with my last girlfriend of three years because she joined a MLM company. She calls it financial freedom. I call it Skim Cepat Kaya, Mimpi Besar Hidup Merana.
I know. I'm choosy, whatever. Yeah, Karma kurma daging.
But after a year of singledom, I am lookin' again if you catch my drift. I'm dusting the binoculars if you know what I mean.
But I'm telling you, 1. I date with the presence of another friend. 2. I'm not working yet so I only go dutch. 3. I won't even touch your skin until we get married.
If you can deal with these 3 simple rules then marilah berdating!
Did I scare you now? Wink Wink.


Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to love either
-Golda Meir

Dr. Shukri

"Hello Afiq?"
"Dr. Shukri baru meninggal petang tadi."
"Okay, terima kasih sebab bagitau aku."

"Mamak, bawa sebotol cili sos!"
I continued eating a plate of kuey teow goreng mamak and soundly sipped a glass of iced milo. Maybe it's Dr. Shukri's birthday. Maybe that was his idea of a prank. It didn't sound right. I didn't sound like Syahiran was joking either. I paid the mamak and drove back to UIA like nothing happened.

"Hello Elin!"
"Haa, Afiq. Dr. Shukri dah meninggal kan? Dorang dah bagitau."

"Hello Soh, engkau dah dengar berita buruk tu?"
"Haah, dah."

"Hi Sue, have you heard?"
"Yaaa, I heard. I'm trying to contact Kuhaz now."

"Snap..." I kept my focus on the road. This stretch of MRR2 is known for its fatal accidents. "Snap!"


"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." I kept a safe distance from the car in front of me until a Tiara whizzed by and slotted itself into the 2 seconds safe zone. I opened my car screen and threw 20 cents coins at the Kiasu Tiara, all the while cursing like a nun gone nuts.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Astagfirullah...." I managed to cool down, brought my car to a hault at a nearby petrol station and cried. "But why him God? Why him?"
This went on for a whole hour until I came to my senses. "Innalillah... God, if you're listening, I didn't mean to throw coins at the Kelisa tadi. Please God please. Ease his pain. Please God Please. Ease his phase of death. Please God please. Give me hope."
Please God please
Please God please
Please God please
I arrived at KAED and anxiously ran to the office to get an official confirmation until I saw a dozen of students and lecturers praying at the main gallery. I dropped right there and then. I was gripped by grief to do anything else. I was too startled to even cry. I was in awe. In awe of the sudden realization of loss.
I was in awe of myself and how my body reacted to Dr. Shukri's death. This was all new to me. It felt like every ounce of blood in my body gushed towards my head, forcing every emotion to vacate my mind, leaving me feeling numb and empty.
I fainted for a good 5 minutes.
Sweat. Air conditioner. Shadows. Tikar. Stained windows. Clean tiled floor.
I woke up energized and surprisingly sober,drove back to my room and prayed. I slept early and woke up at 4 am to perform sunat prayers. My mind was vacant and at some point breezy. I felt a playful gust that swept away miscellaneous thoughts and put my grey matter to rest. I later learnt that that was one of many ways people grief. With silence.
I attended his burial the next day. After the solat jenazah, the Imam uncovered the piece of cloth that veiled Dr. Shukri's face. He looked peaceful and calm. I felt assured that his death was an smooth one.
He looked ready for his next journey. With my tears, I waved to him farewell. With my heart, I sing to him this poem by Rabindranath Tagore.

I have got my leave. Bid me farewell, my brothers!

I bow to you all and take my departure.

Here I give back the keys of my door

---and I give up all claims to my house.

I only ask for last kind words from you.

We were neighbors for long,

but I received more than I could give.

Now the day has dawned

and the lamp that lit my dark corner is out.

A summons has come and I am ready for my journey


Crime scene:
Rays of rave blue light pours out of a distant window. Inside, a group of starlets with perfect bio-engineered boobs are pouncing about in their almost see-through night gowns. A brunette pours whisky all over her inviting cleavage. "Michelle, where's that light coming from?" She suddenly drops the heavy bottle, walks to the miror and sees three green lasers pointing at her C cup breasts. Bang bang bang!

CSI Las Vegas:

Catherine entered the crime scene in a nonchalant manner. A bloodied brunette lies on the paved walkway. A police inspector approached Catherine. "She was shot in her room and her friends carried her here to get help since the phone in the whole neighbourhood wasn't working." Catherine took a glance at the victim's body before she fetch for her equipments "Indian, 5'7", early twenties, part time model full time student." She looked at the police officer for confirmation. "Correct." The police officer answered, his face unamazed with Catherine's ability to guess the victim's stats.

Gil, the head CSI entered the crime scene after talking to a phone line repairman. Without even looking back, Catherine sensed Gil's presence. "Three gunshot wounds, shot with a GK-2005 sniper." Gil squated in front of the body to checked the victim's face. "Pretty girl. So how was your date last night Catherine?"

"It went well except for the fact that he was moving on to me too close too soon." Cathering wore her rubber glove and picked up a pair of tweezers. "Look," She carefully manouvered her tweezers to reach the back side of the victim's right ear and found a strand of blue thread that didn't match the victim's cloth or her friends' clothes. She then packed it into an sealable evidence pack. "I'm just not the kind of girl who falls in love at first sight."

"You should learn a thing or two from this girl Catherine." After examining the body for just 3 minutes, Gil stood up and looked at an abandoned house nearby. "By the looks of it, she was struck by love at first sight, from a distant too."

Who are you? Who-who-who-who?

(theme song entitled Who Are You by Pete Townshend)

Forensik Kuala Lumpur:

Sharifah Mastura got a call from balai. She rushed to her Proton Wira car, got inside and starts the engine. The engine starts. She left the Jaya Jusco parking lot and enters the highway. Camera shot from the car rear miror. Another angle from the side miror. And then from the the passenger seat. She finally arrived to the crime scene. She opened the door and got out without turning off the engine. She realized her mistake, got back to her car, stopped the engine, switched off the air-con and took a pack of Premier facial tissue paper to make it look like she purposely wants to her tissue slightly chilled.

Inspektor Sharifah Mastura struggled to get to the crime scene because the whole neighbourhood was crowding the crime scene to get a better look at the victim. Inspektor Mas asked a police inspector nearby. "Ni dah berapa lama mati ni?" Inspector Zam, the district chief officer who was one of the first policemen to arrive at the crime scene carressed his thick full moustache. "Dah lama mati nih puan."

After a brief spat with an indian bystander who accidentally stepped on his shiny black shoes, Lans Koperal Hamid enters the crime scene. "Sejuk ya malam ni, Inspektor Mas?" Caught off guard, Inspektor Mas stood up straight like a steel rod and gave her superior a Tabik Hormat "Ya tuan! Memang sejuk malam ni, tuan!"

Hamid put his hands on his back and asked Inspektor Zam a few important questions. "Ni dah berapa lama mati ni" "Dah lama tuan!"

"Cina ka Melayu?" "Hindu, tuan."

"Berapa umur?" "Saya tak pasti tuan, tapi saya rasa dia masih muda, tuan."

"Bagus Inspektor, kamu memang peka. Biar saya dan Inspektor Mas pula yang periksa mayat ini." Inspektor Zam gave his Tabik Hormat and exited the crime scene to give the recent update to reporters from Harian Metro and Kosmo!

Inspektor Mas put on her gloves and checked the body for gunshot wounds. After practically mangling the body to look for bullet entries, she reported her findings to Lans Koperal Hamid "Tiga das tembakan tuan. Dua di dada, satu di leher." Hamid looked pleased with her performance so far. "Buat pemeriksaan yang lebih menyeluruh pula."

"Baik tuan." Inspektor Mastura wore her gloves and went through the victim's body to look for her IC but only found a strand of blue thread at the back of the victim's right ear. "Ish!" She picked it up from the victim's ears and threw it away.
"Nampaknya..." Lans Koperal speaked up so all the policemen could hear him. "Kita ada kes bunuh."

Di wajah curiga~ Dan nada resah~ Dirasa berbeza~ Terima segala~

(theme song entitled Dedebu Cinta by Misha Omar)

To be continued....

Ada Apa Dengan Namaku Afiq Deen

I'm thankful that my parents named me Afiq Deen and not just Afiq. There are thousands, no, millions of Afiqs but there is only one Afiq Deen. Google/MSN/Yahoo search Afiq Deen and it will direct you to this blog or my facebook profile, which means there are no famous Afiq Deen yet that could possibly overshine my possibility of making it big with this name.

Am I suggesting that I will make it big?

Define big.


Parents today are more creative when naming their kids. They will usually opt for eccentric names like Pierre Andre, Sofia Sarena, Juan Thomas, Mohd. Hyundai or Nurnokia. Those who are afraid that their kids will get teased in school will combine names and make longer ones like Sharlini Shasha Shaniawati or Herman Madius Ibrahim.

Dulu-dulu, parents named their kids simple commercial names like Abu, Ali, Nordin and Ahmad. So in a class there were usually three Abus, four Ali, two Nordin and a dozen Ahmads. Naturally, there were a lot of confusion when students call out names that are shared by a handful of eager students. To avoid embarassment, kids those days made up nick names that were related to each other's personality or background.

Nordin was a smart aleck who knows everything about anything under the sun. Today he is known as Nordin KajiLangit.

Mohammed owned a kapchai that emitted loud noises. Today his neighbours know him by the name Mat Trang-tang-tang even though he drives a Honda Civic.

Megat talks in incredible speed and spits too. Nama saya Megat. Megat Machinegun.

Ismail is a thin man who cringes his shoulders a lot.
"Ismail... Ala Ismail yang tinggal kat Pokok Sena tulah..."
"Ismail mana ni?"
"Mael Burung Sejuk"
"Oh ya ya ya.. "

Jamilah used to be a flirtatious schoolgirl and would date more than one guy at the same time. Today she is a religious teacher and recently went to perform her Hajj. Her old friends calls her Milah Sanggui.

Azim, Ahmad, Ali and Lokhman used to be overweight when they were in highschool. Today all of them are known as Bob.

When he was 13, Fahmi couldn't pronounce P properly. During the year end holiday, Fahmi and his friends went to the beach. Fahmi have never been to the beach before so when they arrived he got excited and shouted "Waaaaah!! Fantai!!!" That's how Fahmi Fantai got his nickname.

Sameon is a macho army personnel. He has a coarse voice and an even coarser skin but his favourite singer is Celine Dion. Yeah you guessed it right, his nickname is Meon Dion.

Yaakob used to be an anglophile potty mouth. Cursing is like humming to him. His favourite curse words was Son Of a Bitch. Now his friends calls him Akob Ass Owe Bee.

Akad Nikah Mawi dan Ekin

Ekin when spelled backward is Nike.

Did you guys watched Mawi and Ekin's akad nikah? It was like any other akad nikah if not for the platform carpeted with white rose petals and dozens of media personnels.

I couldn't say that I agree with the live broadcast of the akad nikah. Personally, I've the impression that akad nikahs should be done in front of a private audience. But hey, if Mawi wants to milk his stardom, who am I to impose my personal beliefs and values?

We have to remember though, not everyone is happy with the live broadcast. For every ten people who likes Mawi, there are ten more who despises him. I just think no matter how famous a person is, he/she will never belong to the public. Even though many famous faces claimed that they belong to the people, we have to be reminded that every man is his own man. In the end, we will be judged as individuals.

I don't buy alasans like 'I belong to the public' or 'I cannot dissapoint my fans'. We all know it means 'I belong to the product I'm endorsing' and 'I want to solidify my star status'.

Karaoke di Kelab Darul Aman

A young woman with syrup red lips peeps from a corner of a room. A deranged looking man in tight blue jeans enters the same room, his thick wallet and orange comb bulging from his seasoned back pocket. Broery Marantika smiles as he approaches the shy virgin. The aspired model with uncleared blemishes runs into a door and smiles coyly behind the oiled mahogany. Clearly dissapointed, Broery exits the room and sings his serenade to a fake full moon. "Biarlah bulan bicara..."

I browsed the karaoke catalogue. Anita Sarawak, Ziana Zain, XPDC. Ah, KRU's Babe and Fanatik. These I can sing.
A balding Datuk picked up his microphone, tucked his left hand inside his pocket and slightly cocked his waist forward. "Testing, testing, 1 2 3."

A line of armed britain royal guards marches along a paved road. Aha, a marching band gracefully takes on the bare parade and fills it with shining bronze musical instruments. (I have no idea why a sharp video caption of a procession of a marching band is used to assist karaoke singing.) "Lady~~" Datuk Kenny Rogers let out a sexay growl. "For so many years I thought I'd never find you..."

Ooooh, they have english songs too? I walked to the counter and passed by a plump woman in tight khakis and a new millenium tudung that resembled a bandana with its ends twisted and folded to form a crown? As usual, I made a mental commentary on her. Let's see... She must be a class F contractor or a MLM success story. I know this because she wears a magnetized bracelet and Ong beaded necklace. She's struggling but loving the results of her business venture. She's wearing expensive high heels but complimented them with an almost see-through frilly blouse (Youza!) Oh mai gawd, the seemingly harmless heels knows salsa! Tap tap tap.
A temptress tiptoes down a marble staircase ""Hai hai hai hai hai ha hai hai~" A rocker turned jiwang karat makes his way through a large maharaja entrance "Lai la la la lai lai la lai lai~" Even though the odd couple danced in the same hall for quite some time, they were shocked too see each other all of a sudden. Macam cerita hindustan. They retreat gleefully to each other's prior company, the jiwang karat with his baju melayu wearing rempit friends and the temptress with her insignificant entourage. In unison, the couple looks up as if they were about to have epilepsy. A black and white flashback fades into sight. "Memori Daun Pisang~"
I was prepared for the worst. I remembered Bapak's advice vividly. "Pilih lagu yang Abang paling confident nyanyi, yang Abang dah terer. Wow them with your best song and take off immediately to leave an impression. That's how beginners leave their mark."
Three black sparrows (probably european sparrows) flies off to two seperate directions as a jet emerges from a startling crimson glare. The camera zooms in into the jet where a flight attendant in a cute blue outfit picks up the jet's announcement phone. "Baby can't you see, I'm calling~~~ A guy like you, should wear a warning. It's dangerous I'm fallin'~"
Immediately after Britney Spear's Toxic ended I did what Bapak told me to do, I took off without warning.
"Don't you know that you're toxic~"

New Year Resolution?

New Year resolution was always an opportunity to start anew for me. When the end of the year nears, my mom would asked us all to list down things that we will improve about ourselves next year. As years passed, my resolution list got longer and more detailed. 2 years ago, I discovered that writing down new year's resolution is an ineffective way of self improvement.

You know how our parents think highly of us sometimes? We think highly of ourselves all the time no matter how insignificant our display of self-worth are. Consciously or not, humans are programmed to automate a system that rationalizes our past actions. This same nature points out weaknesses that aren't weaknesses to begin with so we can justify our flaws by simply not acknowledging them. No, we're not in denial because we didn't even consider the existence of the flaws in question.

Setting yearly resolution limits the freedom of human progression. We have to admit that different people progress faster or slower than others becase our general capacity of will and ambition is not parallel to our current state of mind. Even though we could manage other things close to perfection, our mental development is governed by a complex web of learning. Imagine teaching the very teacher responsible of mediating erratic influx of knowledge as well as comprehending and improvising the logic derived from newly learnt knowledge. How is it possible to set a timeframe for a phase of mental development when we have no absolute control over it? It's very possible but not when it is done in a set duration of time.

Two years ago I ignored this tradition and lived in the moment and not the future. I try to improve myself by befriending honest people who are capable of telling me off when they think I'm not going to the right direction. Their suggested directions will be considered by rooting out the core motivation of their thoughts so I could manage their logic to be implemented in my conscience. And I also keep a blog so I'm able to retrace my train of thoughts. It gives me a sense of urgency to allow new paradigms and construe cognitive measures.

Only when we think that our lifetime is never enough to reach perfection will we strive to reach it. This will, or what we commonly know as human spirit is the driven monster behind our seemingly vulnerable flesh and bones ensemble. Other animals are just as intelligent as us but they have not the imposition of expectations. This is our key to survival. It makes us human beings truly human.

After understanding the raw nature of our beings, of greed and ignorance, we have to then grasp the logic of the inexistence of perfection. We can never affect a full cycle. By knowing this we will have the urge to study the perfection of the universe. This is the real spirit of self improvement. Only when we look around will we be able to look at ourselves. And only by looking at ourselves will we be able to affect change. This is the food for our soul. It makes us human beings truly humane.
Aiseh, tulah cuti lama sangat, mulalah tulis benda merepek.

Malam Ni

Malam ni kitorang nak buat cerita hantu.

Old Steam and New Cup of Coffee

Yeah, that's some racist shit.

The only thing that's race prejudice about this country is our perception of other races. And we can't change people's perception with an enactment or akta. Or by making police reports and arresting racist bloggers. We can only change people's perception by first changing the paradigm of how we react to racist slurs. Yep, because the only harmful aspect of racism here is slurring. For a country that had an influx of immigrants half a century ago, our country is still considered one of the the most stable country in the world.

When the british left Malaya, the malay community gracefully accepted indian and chinese immigrants because they were necessary to keep this country afloat. By then, an understanding of coexistence was formed. Malays were thankful that the economy was runned by the chinese and the hard labour by indians. Indian and chinese were thankful that the malays provided them safety and assurance as well as a chance for them and their generation to be a part of something amazing: Malaysia.

As long as we have our differences, racist slurring is an imminent form of expression. We should make a mickey out of it and have fun laughing at others and in turn, ourselves. Should there be any hatred brewing from jokes and slurs, it only means people are relating those jokes and slurs with real life ordeals that stemmed from racism.

It's as simple as that.

When I read comments related to racism, it is staggering to see how many malays want the chinese and indians to leave Malaysia. The chinese rationalized that if they were to be exiled, Malaysia will face long-lasting hyperinflation and the economy will collapse. How very true. As it seems, everyone wants people of different race out of "their domain."

They seem to forget that our differences compliments each other and the symbiosis of this is a foundation of Malaysia. But today for example, the chinese and indians are safeguarding their children's isolated academic process and the malays are giving more opportunities for chinese and indians to enter high-esteemed education institutions. This rather unbalanced wave of prioritizing resulted today's Penang and tomorrow's Perak.

So let's just laugh about it. Laugh aloud and laugh together. Let go of old steam and make a fresh cup of coffee before somebody else draws out the steam and make a cup of cameronian tea with our teabags.

Lucky Portrait

If you've been to Alor Setar, you will notice that there are portraits of an old man in almost every business establishment. This old man is a celebrated Sultan, Sultan Abdul Hamid who ruled Kedah for 61 year. Watch a brief history of him here.

Portrait of him is considered 'Ong' which means royalty or gold in chinese. His portrait symbolizes prosperity and profit because the late Sultan practically breathed life to Kedah when the state was abandoned (to avoid the casualty of wars.)

There were also rumours of supernatural powers he possessed. It was said that when representatives of the Japanese Empire came to see him, they disrecpected Kedah royal protocol and addressed him indescently. Pissed off by the Japs display of disrespect, he jerkah (shouted) at them and all the reps died instantly. He was also known to be pious, religious and very humble.
This grandfather of Tunku Abdul Rahman, our father of independance is still believed to be a catalyst of good luck and prosperity. Almost all chinese, malay and indian businessman in Alor Setar has a portrait of him hanged proudly on feature walls of their establishments as if the late Sultan is watching over their businesses.

Kedai spare part kereta
Kedai print and handphone housing

Kedai makan

Kedai runcit


I think it's amazing how a religious and pious man leader has incredible influence on everyone especially the chinese and indians, unlike our current prime minister Abdullah Badawi. His portrait brings 'Suey' or bad luck.

Every government office has at least one A3 size potrait of PakLah. No wonderlah our federal government is losing the confidence of the rakyat by the minute.

Here are my list suggestiona of portraits to boost morale of government servants:

for Kedahans

For Sehati Berdansa followers (losers...)

For Robert Pattinson's kipas-susah-mati (die Cullen die!)

For closet Mak Nyahs (especially pejabat military)

For Digi, Maxis and Umobile users

For fun

Why Camwhoring?

Was I camwhoring? If I was, where's my pimp? Will I get paid? Tell me if I'm wrong
The term camwhoring is only relevant when phone or camera companies pay up to people who camwhores because they (effectively or not) promote their products.
People who have sex for free are not whores, they're just sexually depraved. People who 'camwhores' don't get paid or represented by pimps so the term is wrong.
This display of vanity should be renamed. How about camatity or cammallah or camomortzkah.
Or campoyo or cambodohje.
Let's see. We are using our cam to record our state of being, so how about:

Because I Can't

I spent most of my Hari Raya Korban sleeping. I did my share of crying too when I watched the proceeding of the hajj. Shots of hajj goers crying their hearts out reached into my well hidden insecurity. Just the thought of the possibility of being in audience with god is heart wrenching. I went straight to the toilet and cried quietly. And when I was having lunch with my family, I told my grandmother "Afiq nak pergi Haji before 30!"
If it's possible, I want to go sooner.
I've to admit though, I got a tad bit emotional yesterday. I know for a fact that the absence of my brothers cut me deep and god offered comfort with the mere thought of the Him. I called Hadi and Saiful but they were indifferent, almost ignorant of how I missed them. Hadi picked up the phone and I told Hadi to hand the phone over to Saiful. "Saiful tengah urut Tok Nda."
"Okay. Bagilah phone dekat Aful kejap. Kejap je."
"Jap, Aful tengah urut Tok Nda lah Abang."
"Hadi, Abang nak cakap ngan Aful kejap, hari raya ni..."
"Jap." Hadi directed the phone to Saiful's direction so I could hear his voice. "Dah dengar?"
"Bukan, Abang nak cakap ngan Saiful, dah 3 bulan Abang tak cakap dengan Saiful." I began to sob but I quickly recovered.
"Hai Abang." Saiful got on the phone.
"Aful! Aful sihat?" My sobbing got a bit out of control.
Suddenly I heard a ruckus in the background. I vaguely heard my mother saying "Tak sabar sabar..."
"Abang, nanti Hadi call abang." Hadi hung up.
I knew that second that he won't call me back. It hurts me that they were so indifferent towards me but I learnt from my past experience to never show my emotions to anyone, not even to the people I dearly love. I also knew that I shouldn't blame them for being indifferent and rude. They were with my mother and they knew it is in their best interest to keep her happy, no matter the cost. I was in their shoes before. I know.
What saddened me is that even though they vowed to not be like me when they get older, their exit from home is inevitable. They will know things they never knew before about life, love and human nature. They will grow up soon and learn the other side of the story. Knowing this and the inevitability of it all, I constantly remind them to always love our mother, no matter what. No matter what.
It's nobody's fault. We are all prisoners of our upbringing.
"And remember Hadi and Saiful, I hope in the process of growing up, I hope you gradually muster the courage to love others unconditionally no matter the consequences."
"Because I can't."

Selamat Hari Raya Korban

Hari ni aku korbankan masa aku untuk menulis sms yang berbagai-bagai untuk rakan dan keluarga supaya dorang tak compare-compare message dikala mereka berjumpa. "Tah pape Afiq hantar message pasal 4 mangsa terkorban tuh.." "Eh Peah, ko pun dapat message tu?" "Leman, cuba check sms yang Afiq hantar tadi."
Believe me, the day everyone ignores you and leave you alone is inevitable
Hari ni aku korbankan pagi yang sejuk dan silu ini dengan memperingati rakan-rakan di luar negara supaya jangan lupa menyambut hari raya korban walaupun di negara orang menggunakan facebook dan skype. Mereka ini bila dah di luar negara bukan main lagi berzina dengan gadis caucasian dan menghabiskan malam mereka menclubbing di sana sini. Bila ibu mereka call terus mereka sembunyi di toilet yang sound-proof dan buat-buat sakit rindu.
Once they spread their wings, they will never come back
Hari ni aku korbankan appetite aku yang diberi nickname vortex misteri atau the black hole dengan makan ala ala kadar sempena memperingati pengorbanan nabi Ibrahim dan Ismail. Aku telah memutuskan untuk makan light-light. Makan light-light aku consists of 2 potong kek coklat, 2 pinggan nasi goreng, 3 pinggan nasi bukhari, 1 mee guling, 1 crab sweet corn soup, sepinggan keropok lekor dan 1 low-fat yogurt (supaya tidak jadi gemuk)
Like how I'm not coming back. Your indifference is my assurance.
Hari ni aku korbankan masa aku yang selalunya digunakan untuk menonton discovery channel dan national geographic dengan menonton rancangan pre-raya istimewa. Aku pun tontonlah rancangan-rancangan popular seperti Sehati Berdansa, Melodi dan Nona. Rancangan-rancangan ini telah berjaya memantapkan vocab bahasa melayu yang lama tak diupdate dan sekaligus mengeluarkan segala makananan yang belum sempat didigest. Akhirnya diet aku berjaya. Terima kasih Sehati Berdansa!
They will realize how you betray your promise when you tell them that
Hari ni aku korbankan sisa-sisa masa aku yang tertinggal dengan menghayati kehidupan haiwan yang akan dikorbankan esok pagi dengan either makan or tidur. Walaupun aku dah cuba meragut rumput tetapi bapak kata rumput di depan rumah dah bubuh baja. Lembu islam mana makan tahi. Aku rasa pengecualian ini valid. Tuhan taknak tengok hambanya seksa semata-mata mahu merasa perit lembu.
You did what you did because of them
Hari ni aku korbankan masa memblog pasal benda yang tak substantial langsung. Untuk menjadikan ia lebih Islamic untuk verify status aku sebagai bekas pelajar tahfiz dan mahasiswa UIA, aku akan meng-endingkan entry ini dengan frasa favourite pakcik-pakcik tua berserban terhadap remaja berT-shirt hitam yang berkobar-kobar untuk mempertahankan muzik indie (walaupun hanya pandai berpakaian ala ala Indie sahaja): Insaflah!
They will know sooner later, and when that time comes, you will be alone.

The Domino Effect

Tragedies here in Malaysia are like dominoes. It happens one after another in one go. Yesterday's landslide is a perfect example. Just a day before the horrific incident, a cliff at Damansara collapsed. And yesterday's news foretold many more buildings and sites that are prone to landslide.
Things are not the same anymore.
PakLah managed to pull off an angry face and told the media "Enough is enough!" After the incident, a special team was assigned to investigate. Typical Malaysian attitude lah this. Hot hot chicken shit.
People know. A lot of people know what you did.
I have sufficient background in architecture to tell you that the party most responsible for this incident is not the developer, architect or engineer who built the houses there but the Jabatan Perancang Bandar dan Desa. They were the one who approved the construction of houses at a kawasan tadahan air. If anyone it to be blame it's the town and country planning department.
pay up your debts now or you'll regret it when no one wants to donate their alfatihah
The government will do anything to cover its ass including blaming developers and the rakyat when the fault is entirely JPBD's, a department under the jurisdiction of the federal government. This standoff-ish attitude adopted by the government is getting on my nerves.
to a person who passed on burdon to them
When Mumbai was attacked, the mayor resigned because he failed in tightening the security even though prior warning was given. Governers in the US resigned when their affairs were exposed by the media. Even Bill Clinton was impeached when he was found guilty of receiving blowjob(s) from a fat intern.
I'm avoiding you because i love you, because i want you to realize that
But here our infamous porn star Chua Soi Lek made a comeback in politics and is now the second most powerful politician in MCA. Mat Taib who was arrested in Australia for transporting a vast amount of cash (but he was released because he told the customs there that he allegedly didn't understand english) is competing for the title of Naib Presiden UMNO. Rafidah Aziz who was accused of corruption involving APs is still the Ketua Wanita UMNO.
life doesn't revolve around you like you think. you're not a superhero
Under normal circumstances of a democratic country, these poticians should no longer serve our nation.
Be a superhero and stop this nuissance, or you'll end up in the rags
Their insistence to quit their posts and the Prime Minister's forgive and forget attitude can only result a larger scale domino effect and the people that will get trampled on are the rakyat. We, the rakyat lah!

The Ejaculator

Directed and edited by Afiq Deen

Starring Hariz Shazalli

The Ejaculator.

Coming to a cinema near you!

Quarantine Meets Alien Vs Predator?

2 nights ago, I can't sleep and my cousin Hariz had to study so during his study break Hariz played with his green laser indicator (that is allegedly for engineers only) We began recording all the silly stuff we can do with the awesome indicator and tiba-tiba Hariz thought of making a short vid of him shooting toy aliens with his cross bow. Lepas habis record, the place was covered with bedak, tissue paper and lingering particles of Diyana's deodarant.

Best Giler tembak alien yang tak bergerak langsung! Hahaha!

It's Cool

I'm bored of getting excited all the time. Now I know how it feels to be subconsciously motivated. It's cool. I'm beginning to agree with the phrase Work like you don't need the money, Dance like nobody's watching. It's a cool phrase. That approach to life is not a philosophical icing but a total shift of paradigm. The things and people around me may not change but when I expect greatness from them, they will somehow comply with my vision. What is necessary is a honest desire to begin, create and embody greatness. And the perception that greatness is what God Almighty expects from us.


Things In Front of Me

Yeah man, I made the pasta carbonara! Ramai orang kata boleh bukak kedai. Dorang cakaplah, bukan Afiq.

No Money No Honey?

A lot of my friends are all excited over the prospect of them working in the near future. They can't wait to work and earn a living. I don't blame them of course because after 16 years of learning, it is time for them to actually apply the knowledge they learnt in 'real life'.

Oddly enough, I'm not thrilled that everyone is excited about working. I'm not even excited about working. Maybe because I know how it feels to earn money, which made me more conscious of the peril of knowing how necessity will somehow overrule the pleasure of spending it unnecessarily.

Spending unnecessarily is just an illusion; it is the dynamics of pleasure that comes from irresponsible spending which basically means spending more than one could afford at the time being. And the very moment this foolishness takes place is what people want, not the end result or the planning of it.

So in its bare essence, we seek not wealth but the moment we could spend wealth.

The most valuable thing perceptive to us is time. With this is mind, the wealthiest people on earth are not those who have the most money in banks or have vast amount of assets but those who spends every available second enhancing other people's quality of time as well as their own.

In due time

Verily! Man is at loss,

Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another the truth, and recommend one another patience.

Al-'Asr: 1-3

Turkey for Thanksgiving

What????? (Me with Nael and Nisa)

I know right. Afiq celebrating Thanksgiving after his lengthy blog entry on Halloween?

It wasn't my idea. My cousin suggested it and bought a turkey yesterday. What was I to do than to help her prepare and bake the turkey.

Smoulder cavities with salt and pepper, it reads. Mimicking a soft spoken chef, "Ya puan-puan, kita ramas-ramaskan ketiak kakun. Selepas itu ya puan-puan, kita ramas-ramaskan celah-celap paha dengan garam..." I turned the turkey breast first, smoulder melted butter and gave it a soothing massage.

If it weren't for the absence of surgical robes, masks and caps and the fact that the operation was done in a kitchen, we could've been mistaken as sergeons. "Kak Seri, bawakan stuffing." I examined the turkey's asshole by poking it with a wooden spoon to determine its diameter. "Okay, she's ready for her first and final penetration."

I suggested that we insert the stuffing through the asshole. Kak Seri retorted "Ish, mana boleh dong!". "Are you sure it's through the back?" Diyana checked the printed recipe and instruction we got from howto.com. I grabbed a handful and shove it through the turkey's asshole anyway. "Whoa, Afiq is getting turned on!" Hariz appeared out of nowhere with his videocam. "Oh yeah, you like it that way, don't you Afiq." I took my hand out from the turkey and sucked the remaining filling from it. Everything mundane needs a Wow factor when it is caught on video.

We'll make sure everyone eats the turkey first before we show them the video on how we prepared it. You know, just in case.

Fiver hours later....

Even though it was the first time we ever cooked a turkey, it was (do it like Jack Black in Nacho Libre) Fantastic!

X 0 xx O xx O x X

Breaking News

Thai capital was in dissaray as thousands of anti-government protesters laid siege on the city's airport.
101 people were killed and 300 more injured in a coordinated suicide attacks in Mumbai.
But first, romantic vampire movie Twilight opens worldwide. Hundreds of "fanpires" waited hours to get a glimpse of new stars Robert Pattinson, who plays the heart-throb vampire Edward and Kristen Stewart, who plays the girl-next-door character Bella - the narrator of the stories. There has been a targeted advertising blitz in recent weeks on television shows that cater to female teen and young-adult viewership. But the phenomenon that is Twilight has actually managed to capture the imagination of older women as well, including married women with children.
I mouthed "Amazing" when I heard this radio headline this morning.

Yoga Haram

I read a letter sent by a muslim yoga practitioner that was published by NST yesterday. It goes like this:

I have to admit that I loved yoga. When I first learned that a fatwa would be issued regarding yoga, I was furious. I began debating with my family, telling them that yoga had nothing to do with religion and the only goal was good health.

I said the National Fatwa Council members were not people who had ever done yoga and they have in no postion to judge what yoga is.

Fortunately, I am still a faithful muslim and when a fatwa was announced, I quickly complied with the new ruling. However, I did a simple Wikipedia search on yoga and pilates. This was the first time I did any research on the word. I was defending yoga with no real knowledge and basis of what yoga really is.

After a mere 10 minutes, I was shocked by what I discovered. The goal of yoga is definitely agaisnt all Islamic teaching and values. I urge yoga lovers to look into these articles. I also learnt that yoga has been banned in several churches in Britain as being un-Christian.

Even though I was practising yoga purely for health reasons, I was blinded by the meditation and relaxation techniques actually stand for. As a former yoga enthusiast, I humbly admit that what the National Fatwa Council proposed is undoubtedly the right thing to do. We should be thankful that such fatwa came at this time when we are still faithful to Islam.

The ban on yoga isn't the end of the world. There are many exercises out there. And I wouldn't trade my faith for any exercise routine, ever.

Munirah Muhammad
Johor Baru

A Very Interesting Conversation

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .
Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent )
Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them ?
(Student had no answer)
Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir. Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes,Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't.
(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )
Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don't have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold. Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot Measure Cold. Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.
(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )
Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . . But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do. Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )
Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor, Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The Class was in Uproar )
Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?
(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)
Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly ! The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.
Oh yeah, that student was Albert Einstein.