Gather Around Kids..

Dina will also be working with me. She'll be in charge of the Sudanese Henna, since you know, she's a Sudanese and she's a henna expert. I just want people to spend more money while they're waiting for the handwriting analysis or the other way around.
I will also sell my old cds and novels. All for RM10 only.
I learned how to analyze handwriting through various books on espionage and secret service. I started young and got better at reading people's state of emotions and their long denied flaws. I'd read more than a thousand handwritings so far so don't worry, this is not a hoax nor is it a syirik practice.
It's science!
And YES, I've a new film-related project. I was asked to make a 10 minute video for future graduates of Psychology under Human Science department. The theme of the video is 'Together We Meet, Together We Share and it will be premiered during their graduation dinner. I can't wait to get started.
SAIKO des!

Suze, Video Camera and Carrefour

I finished reading a financial know-how book by Suze Orman and did my math on my current financial situation. So apparently even though with my weekly allowances and once in a while duit minyak from my aunts, I still won't be able to buy a camera before I graduate. My free-lancing job actually costs me money and depletes about 40% of my salary. It adds a couple of pages in my resume and portfolio but it is not sufficient for me to buy a camera.

And since reducing entertainment and miscellaneous expenditure (which I've been doing for 2 months) is not paying off so well, I've been thinking.
Maybe I should work.
No. Not as a designer or 3D modeler but as a cashier, salesman or promoter. A roommate told me Carrefour and other department stores hire part-timers with schedule rearranging priviledges. The salary is RM5 per hour and the average working hour is 6 hours. So RM30 a day. And if I work during special holidays, they'll pay three times the normal wedge. Which ultimately means I have to work for a hudred days to acquire RM3000.
I can live with that.
Why, if I work as a cashier I'll be the best damn cashier in the whole wide world. People will be inspired by my smiles and thank-you-come-again they'll smile back and come again. They'll give me their businesscards and ask me to work for them. They'll even give me a free blow... blowhorn so I can tell them thank-you-come-again from afar. I might even learn how to say it like Apu (you know... the Simpsons Apu..)
Let's give it a try, shall we
Thank You Come Again


I kid you not but I actually think girls who covers their aurat sexy. Super duper sexy.

I don't mean girls who wears tight tudung to compliment their tight-fitting outfit or flashy-flowery-colourful baju kurung or kebaya with equally flashy-flowery-colourful vocabulary but those who wears simple aurat covering clothes with subtle-coloured fabric.

Their modesty and pristine overrules any kind of exhibition of beauty.

So ladies, don't believe everything they tell you in magazines, newpapers, television shows or movies. Keep yourself beautiful because Allah loves beauty but do not publicly display your physical beauty. Your beauty, in the eyes of many will exude through your character and personality. I cannot stress this enough!


"If memory serves me correctly, I was wearing a little white tank top and a short black skirt. I had been raised Orthodox Muslim, so I had never before worn such revealing clothing while in my father's presence. When we finally arrived, the chauffer escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father's suite.

As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day. My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget.

He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them."He looked at me with serious eyes. "Your body is sacred. You're far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too."

Source: "More Than A Hero: Muhammad Ali's Life Lessons Through His Daughter's Eyes."

7 Fakta

Fact no.1
I'm a WWE and ECW fanatic. I memorized all the wrestlers name and special moves and keep myself updated by renting WWE PayPerView dvds or cds. My all time favourite wrestlers are Trish Stratus, Jeff and Matt Hardy, Ray Mysterio and Chyna.

Fact no.2
Whenever my family go on vacation, my siblings and I will have a hotel room for ourselves and we will turn the whole room into a wrestling ring complete with an entrance hall and a hell in a cell. I'm more of technical wrestler who specializes in grips, tackles and holds. Hadi is a redneck type. Saiful is a natural nacho libre. While Hadi and Saiful like to fashion themselves as Jeff and Matt Hardy or any other tag team equivelant, I will usually choose a female character like Anita Sarawak. (haha)

Fact no.3
I am a fiction feminist. Even though I never acknowledge male-female equality in terms of brains and brawns but I like the idea of equality that resonates in games, series, movies and other cult fiction mediums. My favourite Tekken character is Xiaoyu, my favourite Dynasty Warrior character is Zhen Ji and my favourite kungfu actor is Zhang Ziyi.

Fact no.4
I like my things to be 'customized'. My daily consumption is customized: (nasi goreng pattaya, telur goreng sekali dalam nasi, ayam sahaja, taknak ajinamoto, taknak garam, letak cendawan, goreng bawang goreng sekali) Furnitures in my room will be rearrange every two weeks. Even my clothes will be tempered with.

Fact no.5
I like to ask teka-tekis and answer them. My head is an encyclopedia of tekatekis. I love how this activity will bring out one's personality without having to spend too much time. And the participation is pure gold, a kind of interaction that can only be acquired by a year of sharing a room.

Fact no.6
I have an extremely responsive metabolism. I can gain or drop a maximum of 10 kg a week! Serious tak tipu.

Fact no.7
I'm known to many to have a devil's stomach. I can devour 5 complete meal sets in one meal and still enjoy helpings on dessert. I never never never turn down meals. Never. I also think curry and cheese are only fit for god.

Why am I doing this, telling people what they will never figure out by reading my blog? I want to tell them (you lah!) that we are all unique in our own ways. We are individuals. So why limit our personalities by being pawns of popular sects, groups or cults? There is no need to dress up like an emo, goth or Adam AF2 to be different. We are already different so why replicate pop cultures? You might want to exude your differences by acting up, converse intellectually and study the horizon of possibilities.

Why am I telling you this?


Tomorrow, we'll be opening a stall in KAED and I will be there with my 3 Steps Handwriting Personality Reading Programme.

Check it.


I am the only person (besides NSA, Interpol and CSI psychologists) that I know of that can diognose personalities through handwritings.

Soulitude: Prologue

Afiq blows a lit birthday candle off a piece of cheesecake.

"Happy 21st Afiq"

Afiq lies down on his bed as the camera zooms out, showing how explicitly empty his room is. A distant sound of his cell phone neverending text message ringtone became more and more inaudible.

Afiq closes his eyes.

Title appears.

Fades into a lakeside view during dusk. Afiq is seen squating on the brink at the far corner of the lakeside view. His face appears to be hardened and pale, contrasted by the reddening skies.His cell phone in his pocket continues to alert incoming text messages. Afiq's eyes reddens and a drop of tear hangs on his lashes.

The tear drops into the calm lake water and creates a subtle circular wave. Afiq recites a poem:
Alone am I, deep in myself

Alone am I, swallowed by distress

Alone am I, in the horror of dead silence

Alone am I no more when the waters takes me

By breath, my heart, my blood, my veins, my senses

My life, no more.

Afiq closes his eyes.

In solitude

No more

A heavy splash of water brushes off the dying circular wave.

Fades to black.

Kakak Gemok

I hate clutters of pictures, that's why.
We were walking along the pasar malam a few hours ago and Suhail had a hankering for nasi lemak. He waited for two minutes in front of the kakak until the tomboy kakak rudely asked him to queue up. "Ha? Tak nampak ke orang beratur ni?"
Suhail quickly followed the kakak's order. I, in the other hand, with my undying spirit of camaraderie said out loud "Manalah orang tahu queue kat sana, sebab dah nasik dekat sini."
The kakak, who was apparently not keen on ulam suddenly flared up. "Dah nasik dekat sini nak buat macam mana? Nak beli beratur!" she then muttered loudly "Haaa, kan dah balas..."
"Saya bagi constructive criticism, kalau nasi dekat tempat orang mula line, lagi lah kedai ni efficient. Lagi ramai orang datang. Kalau tak nak dengar kritik orang macam mana nak maju, macam mana nak kehadapan."
Oh shit. What did I just said. She's so going to eat me.
She stopped scooping rice and looked at her feet, which was an impossible task (since she's not keen on salad and all) and took a few seconds to absorb what I just said and how I interrupted her winning verbal defiance.
I was already gone. She looked around. I fleed at the right corner of the stall where her kopiah wearing father sells popiah. Saved by the old man. "Apa inti ni pakcik?"
"Sayur dek."
"Saya karnivor."
Never mind.
Hear, hear.
Xeem made a song with a friendship love-hate theme. Any Narutard here?
Never mind.

Resilience - xeem
She is...
"An idealistic writer and singer. A determined Fine Arts Masters student. Submissive to incorrigible emotional outbursts. Easily manipulated to handle your work. Not inclined to do her own chores. A dreamer at most yet has firmly placed her feet on the ground this time around."
I won't say much about her writing other than it being gramatically correct most of the time. But she's a cool marie digby-regina spector-yuna kinda singer. The title idealistic singer sudah kena taken by this weirdo from Scandinavia. Her name is Bjork. Bukan Be-jok. Bi-yok.
Have a cool Thursday

8 Sebab Melayu Tidak Boleh Jadi Batman

1. Sebab Silat Banyak Bunga.
Kamu lihat sahaja cara Batman melawan musuhnya. Penuh dengan aksi mempertahankan diri yang berkesan, pantas dan tepat. Tak ada bunga-bunga pun macam silat. Kalau Batman pakai silat dijamin dia sudah tumbang awal-awal. Paling kurang pun lawannya sempat keluarkan mesingan, acu mesingan betul-betul dan menarik picu. Mati.
2. Sebab Melayu Ramai Sangat Kroni.
Kamu bayangkan, kalau Bruce Wayne yang kaya-raya itu Melayu. Pasti dia akan turunkan projek Batmobile atau Batpod ataupun Batsuit kepada kroni-kroninya. Akibatnya kroni-kroni tersebut mesti sub-kan kontrak tersebut kepada syarikat lain. Akibatnya ramai orang akan tahu identiti sebenar Batman berdasarkan jumlah topeng yang akan dihantar ke Bukit Damansara (kalau Bruce Wayne Melayu tinggal di Bukit Damansara-lah). Kantul identiti, semua orang pasti tahu. Tidak macam aku, alter ego aku masih terpelihara. Mungkin. Kalau identiti sudah terdedah semakin meriahlah Harian Metro dan Kosmo!.
3. Sebab Quality Control Kita Masih Lemah.
Kamu bayangkan, kalau Bruce Wayne hendak membina Batmobilenya, pasti dia terpaksa minta bantuan Proton, atau sekurang-kurangnya Perodua. Mesti jenuh dia menunggu Batmobilenya tiba, macam aku tunggu Satria Neo aku (sudah lebih 6 minggu!). Itu tak kira lagi perasaan bengangnya apabila dia hentak turunkan tingkap ketika hendak merokok semasa menunggu giliran di road-block, pasti tingkapnya tersangkut. Juga mungkin dia hendakkan Batmobile berwarna hitam, tetapi akibat Proton yang tidak cukup bahagian kereta mungkin terpaksa menghantar Batmobile berwarna jingga sebab tiada warna hitam. Kamu boleh bayangkan tak Batmobile warna jingga?Ini kita belum fikir kalau dia minta bantuan Naza lagi. Ingatkan boleh dapat enjin khas, tengok-tengok enjin Hyundai dalam Batmobile. Tak ke parah?
4. Sebab Kita Kecoh Dengan 'Black Metal' Sangat.
Bayangkanlah, jika ada lelaki berjubah hitam dan bertopeng berkeliaran di Jalan Tun Razak. Sudah pasti dilabel 'black metal'. Memang Batman sukar untuk bekerja akibat paranoia masyarakat kita. Mesti habis rumah Bruce Wayne di Bukit Damansara diselengkar untuk mencari tempat menyembelih kambing hitam dan bilik khas parti seks beramai-ramai. Keluar sahaja Batman di mata awam pasti beramai-ramai orang berkerumun di depan rumah selepas sembahyang Jumaat.
5. Sebab Batman Itu Kebal, Bukan?
Sudahlah berimejkan kelawar, mesti geng-geng 'Seekers' dan bomoh-bomoh handalan tercari-cari akan kekuatan Batman. Mesti tengok-tengok ada orang jual tangkal kebal Batman di Jalan Masjid India, jual jus yang dibuat dengan kelawar yang dikeringkan dan dicampur dengan air dari gua berkelawar. Geng-geng 'Seekers 'mesti pasang kamera merata-rata di tempat-tempat sunyi, semata-mata untuk 'melihat' si Batman. Datuk-datuk semua pasti tercari-carikan punca sebenar 'kekebalan' Batman, pasti timbul perkhidmatan 'urut Batman' yang diberikan khas oleh pakcik-pakcik berserban di dalam hotel-hotel murah sekitar Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman.
6. Sebab Orang Kita Tidak Akan Sejahat The Joker.
Siapa Batman tanpa musuh-musuhnya? Kalau Batman Melayu, siapakah yang bakal menjadi musuh ketatnya? Pihak media massa pasti akan melaga-lagakan dia dengan Anwar Ibrahim ke, Khairy Jamaluddin ke, Najib Tun Razak ke. Setakat mereka ini jentik sekali pasti tumbang. Orang Melayu kita bukan jahat sangat pun sampai mampu berlawan dengan Batman. Paling kuat pun aku rasa Mona Fandey. Atau mungkin Botak Chin.
7. Sebab Tidak Ada Siapa Yang Sanggup Menjadi Robin.
Mengapa? Ini semua akibat stigma Pembantu Peribadi Lelaki Yang Muda. Batman pun aku rasa tidak sanggup mengambil pembantu yang mungkin di masa akan datang akan menuduhnya membuat perkara-perkara tidak elok berhampiran punggungnya.
8. Sebab Kita Suka Yang Popular Sahaja.
Aku rasa tidak sampai dua bulan pun nanti Batman akan aktif melawan penjenayah. Selepas dua bulan pasti tidak akan ada orang sanggup AFUNDI dia lagi. Kalau popular pun mesti tidak boleh lawan Mawi, walaupun populariti Mawi semakin menurun semenjak dua menjak ini akibat kekurang video lakloknya di Youtube.
yelah yelah from MM. Check the blogroll. Some of my entries were even copied without permission by afiq tak kecoh pun.


Love each other or perish -W.H. Auden

Save the environment says a biodegradable shopping bag. Save our trees says another. What a totally self-centred statement! Save the environment?
What we have to understand is the environment will persist. The moment we die because of our own destruction, the environment will flourish and a new host of species will eventually take over.
The statement 'Save the Environment' is implying our detachment from our surrounding, our only home: earth.
Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's
need, but not every man's greed -Mahatma Gandhi
While everyone in this country is fussing over fuel price hikes and that hypocrit Anwar Ibrahim taking advantage of people's misery, neither him nor Pak Lah is concern about the state we're in. Our natural state that is. They talk of growth, of Scomi and Petronas but never, never have I heard about the amount of pollution produced by these companies and how they will overcome it. They don't care. We don't care.
Should we care? Maybe we will, once a natural disaster struck deep into our lands. Only then, when a substantial percentage of the rakyat is sacrificed will the government acknowledge the consequences of irresponsible rapid destruction and unplanned uncompromised development.
It's so sad to see my friends and family or myself die to prove a point to our spineless egoistic leaders.
So very sad.
Sheesh, I'm mad about something. I'm just taking it out on an issue like this. Better this than smoking or doing drugs. Or playing video games. Or devouring sundaes.

Coming Soon: Soulitude

Two days ago I was empty. Yesterday a few drop of ideas condensated from heavy streams of heated conservation. Today I'm filling my Jar with put-ups and put-ons.


My upcoming short film is about a guy who wants to commit suicide and the journey of his soul in a single second before he actually commits it. Naturally, in the world of the dead, a second is considerably long, like 5 minutes or so. This happens because the law of relativity does not apply anymore to wisps of energy.

I heard Jared Leto will be hosting MTV Asia Award.
hint 1: I heard Celcom is its official sponsor.
hint 2: Genting is just around the corner from UIA
hint 3: I'm a big fan of Jared Leto.
hint 4: I heard Celcom is its official sponsor.
hint hint...

hai afiq is very important for me to know about ustaz molesting boys in your post. plan to send my son there soon.Betul atau u exagerate je?


It's true. All true. Since IQKL was an idealistic approach to Islamic education, memorization of the Quran was strenuous. Most tahfiz in Malaysia practiced streinous repetition of pages, surah and juzuk. Other form of islamic studies are taught in a daily basis and on weekends.

10 Musts

Must go to library and read books.

Must look important when browsing feminist novels

Must accidentally drop a book near the prettiest girl in the library

Must pretend to have met the pretty girl before

Must exchange phone numbers for future reference

Must eat dinner before 6pm

Must not question the relevance of the chosen dinner time

Must not eat the usual roti canai supper

Must hate all form of roti canai from now on

Must not question the relevance of above's life-changing decision

Summer? Here?

A random conservation passed by "Summer Splash tahun ni tak besssh la!"


"We have a Summer Splash? You mean here in Malaysia?"

"Hekeleh mamat ni, cakap omputih plak..."

So like an eager sceptic, I googled Summer Splash and apparently there is one! Seventeen Roxy Summer Splash.
How ridiculous is that? A summer splash in country that is practically summer all year for eternity. But I guess young hormonal teenagers would pay up to a hundred bucks to finally show of their hard-earned sculpted bodies and mingle with bikini-clad young girls. And apparently, there's even a hunk and babe competition. Imagine that! I'm surprised that the event didn't attract German paedophiles or siamese prostitution syndicates.

When I was 15 or 16, I was the most awkward-looking guy in my school which didn't matter because everyone was awkward looking then. But now, my goodness these kids... showing off their pubescent breasts and durian abs and for what?

Dunnolah. These kids practically live in a delusional american cushion. Which is fine and dandy if they live in the united states.
But what do I know? I lived most of my teenage years playing selipar at the padang, jedi swordfighting at my house balcony and spent the rest of my free time reading Animorph and Harry Potter.
To them, I'm practically an uncle already.


You better believe it. I took an IQ test at UIA and was told that I'm eligible to join MENSA International. Cool eh? Who would've thought? I'm no stranger to these tests by the way. I passed the very first UPTS and skipped a grade (from year3 to year5) and lost my bestfriend Jason Ng by doing so. I took another one during highschool and my marks allowed me to skip another grade but I didn't (takut tragedi berulang)
A high IQ doesn't necessarily translate success in life. Look what happened to Asia Carrera or Sufiah for that matter. Some even misused their intelligence like Charles Ingram . What naturally intelligent kids really need is not grade skipping but an academy or an institution that fosters their individual passion. This way, these children will not only have the oppurtunity to utilize their mental abilities but will also enjoy compatible companionship.
I 'sold' this idea to my roommate Suhail for his thesis and the price? A mug of cordial drink. Hahah. I actually record the ideas and concepts that I ehem, 'sold' for the past 3 years and the ones that were actually used as main concepts or ideas is roughly 20, mostly to seniors and my own batch. 20 architecture works. I can open a goddamn Concept and Idea Mini Academy.
Concept and Idea Mini Academy or CIMA. Kee-ma? Kimak?
Ooo, tak boleh tak boleh...


Went out to watch Wanted yesterday. And mak ai, the special effects were astonishing. Terkesima.

Apparently, more people are using public transportation to get around Kuala Lumpur, which is splendid to a certain extent. The LRT is like a can of stuffed sardines. Fortunately, I got to sit during the whole journey. Unfortunately, the pakcik that was standing in front of me likes to arch himself towards me, as if wanting a free blowjob. At first I thought he has back problems but then he winked at me.


I smiled and exposed the pikes geared to my teeth. "Hey putah, you want some of this?"my teeth shouted out loud. He withdrew.

And have you seen the evening bus queues? My goodness, the thought of the discomfort sent shudders up my spine.

Walking at Bukit Bintang yesterday was like watching fashion magazine models strutting their stuff. It seems that these models were reduced to flawed unphotoshopped specimens when they got out of their glossy cells. They got shorter, uglier and dumpier; a sequent of flaws that spells out CHEAP. Some came out of CLEO and others Mangga.

How I wish they will realize soon that life isn't all about clothes and fashion. How I wish they will realize soon that no agent will suddenly conjure in front of them and tell them that they are the next Malaysian Next Top Model. Smile people smile. Talk people talk. Enjoy people enjoy. Enjoy joy. Enjoy misery. Enjoy life. Let's talk about life and not get bored of it. Let's read about life and learn from it. Lets.



I ate 7 fried chicken today.
How I wonder. How I wonder.
I was in the library and caught a fellow student reading my blog. The weird thing was, whenever she wants to read the Mohd Narcisus entry after browsing through the Islamaphobia links, she minimized her window so that no one in the library could see Haikal's shirtless picture. Haikal? Siapa Haikal? That's for me to know and for you to find out.
So for her convenience, I'll make the first entry a visual one. These are captions of movies with excellent cinematography quality. Unlike Congkak. Unlike Cuci. Unlike 9 September. "Pierre Andre is so talentless. Cannot ever pronounce S properly. How to act lidat? Worst director and scriptwriter so far. So talentless yet so hyped about. Aiya. Memalukan negara only!" kata Mrs. Ling Abdullah, tuan punya kopitiam paling popular di kawasan Gombak.
The Promise


House of Flying Daggers

Elizabeth the Golden Age

I'm currently writing a short story entitled "E-VOL". Hint hint, it's about how a girl who use witchcraft to look for her long lost boyfriend. There'll be gore and blood and lamb intestines. Yeah. But most importantly there'll be tears. When the short story is done, I'll make a short film based on it.

Mohd Narcisus Bin Exhibitionism

Guys are getting bolder when it comes to exposing their bodies nowadays. I am of no exception. But being 21 and all (double chewah) I realized that posting racy pictures of myself (if you can consider them racy lah) is sort of like selling myself cheap. And the force that'd driven me to do so was usually the thrill of exposure and sometimes a nudging narcisistic side of me that acts up once in a while. But whatever the reason was, the reaction of people who viewed these pictures were usually loud admiration, quiet lust or unnerving scepticism.

With Friendster, Myspace and Facebook anyone can be their own male model and what better way to fully show off the sharper spectrum of one's physical self other than posing shirtless right?
Wrong! With the existence of these personalized friendship websites, personal privacy is at stake and with the wrong or misleading information that may tag along with shirtless photos, a simple gesture of exhibitionism can even lead to a long term image destruction.

Okay just imagine what would have happened if Saiful Bukhari posted pictures of himself looking like the one above? Major image diluter. Not only will he be known as an anak ikan, he would have carry titles like Sir Tip-a-Nipple or Duke Trail-a-Snail or worse... YB Bend-n-Bang.

Think about it. Do you really want a silly shirtless picture of yourself destroy your hope of becoming a prime minister? Do you want a badly shot, heavily edited half-nudey take away your chance of becoming the next American Idol? Do ya?

These days, any pictures can be perceived in a manner that you might not believe is possible, lagi-lagi lah shirtless pictures. It doesn't matter whether you're hot or not. It's the internet baby. You're hot like a recently fried recycled karipap, with the inti curried potato all shrivelled and stale. And it's way better to show off your newly sculpted Leornado at apartment balconies or Sunway Lagoon. But not in front of a laboriously positioned (imagine stacks of boxes and books on top of a desk) auto-timed digital camera. Alamak 10 seconds. Look at the camera. Suck it in. Flex. Sing.... I'm too sexy for my shirt.. too sexy it hurts.... Aiseh tak sempat. Ok amek lagi. Now its your turn encik bicep.

Can't you tell that I gained weight and I am green with envy that all of you you you you people finally discovered the magic of working out and flaunting every lump of muscle online!

Show off!!!

Whatever, shut up.

Katie & Me

Buzz Buzz.... (vibrate)
Hello. Boleh saya cakap dengan Encik Afiq
Ya saya disini, siapa disana?
Saya dari Celebrity Fitness. Kami ada promosi dimana encik berhak menggunakan facilities...
Boleh saya tahu nama penuh saya?
Mohd Afiq Deen Bin Azizan. (sambung) facilities kami untuk 2 minggu..
Macam mana you tahu nama penuh saya?
Nama encik ada dalam kad business encik dalam recomendation box kami.
Saya tak ade business card.
So saya boleh charge you dekat balai polis sebab you beli maklumat pasal saya secara haram. Nama awak ape?
Tapi ni suara lelaki. Macam mana boleh jadi Katie?
Encik Afiq, saya professional. Saya ingin beritahu encik yang encik dapat...
You're fired.
Errr.... but...

Keretapi Tanah Melayu.

Nowadays, since the recent fuel hike and increasing road accidents, I travel by KTM, Keretapi Tanah Melayu. It's a great way to enjoy a good book and plan a bright (clickity-clack) future. The 12 hours time transition is a spiritual loophole where one can deal with one's clogged spiritual state and light up the seemingly dark road ahead. There's something about being in a enclosed compartment for 12 hours. It made me think. It made me feel as if I was in a womb and I'll re-enter the world with refreshed vigour and freshly peeled resolutions.
The only thing that bothered me last night was the position of my compartment. NO39, coach S2: sangat dekat dengan pintu. Closing the coach door a hundred and thirty two times taught me about tolerance (oh dah tua, mungkin tak larat, ok, maafkan...) and the importance of patience ("Tak reti tutup balik ka amoi!")
This semester won't be so much about me facing gruelling battles in architecture. It will be about me trying out new oppurtunities, realizing new ideas and learning about the anatomy of today's economy but most importantly, it will be about branding myself into a profitable entity but not so much so that it has to be reckoned with. I would like to think that I'd prepared myself for this, physically and emotionally, insyaallah.
So from now on I'm reminding myself to stay focused with a poetic:
Every single heartbeat is a universe of possibility.
and a practical:
Start young, think big and stick to it.

This is Life

Sea, sand and sun. What could be better? I covered my face with a towel and sunbathed and subsequently felt asleep from 8 am to 2 pm. Never in my life have I ever had a face fairer than the rest of my body. Cool eh?
Now I look like one of the Cheeky Girls:
I know, I know... What am I doing reinjecting the seemlessly infectious melody into your i-brain? I was at the midst of deleting songs in my laptop and I accidentally opened the Cheeky Girls song. I was horrified and enlightened at the same time! Now I know how he must have felt.
Let me rub it in a little bit.
I would like to dedicate this cheeky music video to my cheeky boy, Saiful Bukhari. The lyrics basically summed up the agony he's experiencing now.
I never ever ask where do you go
I never ever ask what do you do
I never ever ask what’s in your mind
I never ever ask if you’ll be mine
Come and smile don’t be shy
Touch my bum this is life.

Cheeky cheeky....


I went to Midland, one of the many malls in penang that sells pirated softwares and programs and games and shit. After buying 2 software cds, tiba-tiba sakit perut. So I scoured around for the cleanest jamban(you knowlah our legendary public toilets) Yes, I have standards especially when it has to do with direct contact with the most sensitive part of my body (Saiful Bukhari should learn a thing or two from me).

15 minutes passed and my almost non-existent arm hair tensed and relaxed, tensed and relaxed, like a orchard full of Narnia trees. Apparently the cleanest toilet I managed to find had multiple holes on the partition. 4 ergonomically tested holes. One hole levelled to an average men's eye level and the three others were strategically drilled around the genital region when one sits down on the WC and one of the three holes was about 5 cm in diameter. I don't have to tell you what usually happens in toilets like these... I mean, if you want to I could. Haha.

I covered the holes with tissue papers, rubbed my knees rhythmically, and passed motion. Another guy went in the next cubicle. Big deal. Wait. Check tissue balls. Ok, secure.
Out of the blue, he splashed water all over the tiled floor and let the hose running for a few seconds. Soon after the splashapade, my three tissue balls popped like angelic canon balls and an erect uncircumsized penis emerged from the biggest hole. Strangely enough, this act of voyuerism didn't scare me at all. I coughed. "That's it?"

That was enough to scare the little chinese frankfurter away. Shrivelled and defeated, it backed away and dissapeared. I washed myself gingerly, flushed and exited the cubicle to wash my hands. The guy who occupied the cubicle came out and looked at me through the large mirror.
"That's it?" he asked.

"You don't impress me much" I said discretely, realizing quickly that I borrowed a line from Shania Twain. (You have the move but have you... got the touch?... )

"You don't like?" He asked, carving a disgusting smile on his thin lips.

Aiseh this guy....
"12 cm only, a chihuahua's is probably bigger than yours." I have scaled sight. All architecture students possess scaled sight. I left the toilet humming the rest of the song and during the lapse of lyrics, I prayed. "Moga-moga itu ah chai dapat girlfriend secepat mungkin... Amin."

The Leap

It is a big leap, I know
but it'll be a leap like no other.

Up Up and Away!

Afiq-o-matic got third for Futurama's short film competition and the commercial For a Greener Future got second. For a commercial I made for a different competition, it was a delightful surprise.
I've a long way to go in filmmaking and I've already have several concepts and scripts up my sleeve for my future projects. What I need now is a proper video camera. I'll be saving 40% of my miscellaneous expenditures, will cut back on entertainment (cinema, arcade, cybercafe) and invest my remaining savings in businesses I have in mind this coming semester. Aiyo, cannot wait lah!

Afiq's Top 9 Conspiracy Theory

You know what I think?

1. Ezam left PKR because he knows Anwar's real intention. He knows. If we want to know more about Anwar, ask his former bitch. Hell has no fury like a bitch's wrath.

2. Saiful is 23 year old. 23! He's not an underage nincompoop. Obviously if Anwar really did sodomized Saiful, the act was mutually consented. Anwar mungkin perasan dia Alexander the Great, mau bang his Hephastion.

3. Saiful may be planted to take pictures with ministers to make it look as if what is happening today is a conspiracy. Yes PKR fanatics are THAT blinded.

4. And if a conspiracy exists, it is probably headed by Anwar and planned by 12 kindergarten students from Tadika ABIM Kg. Kerian.

5. Rosmah's in big trouble. Karma bebeh. Karma. You don't see me exploding my roommate Megat because Shasha likes to be around him more these days.

7. Khairi is Anwar's no.1 fan. Khairi and the Gang.

8. The embassy hu-ha shows that:

8.1. Anwar is a chicken or

8.2. It was planned by him to put the government in close scrutiny by the international media.

8.3. Coming soon near you! Sivaji the Boss2: Turkish Delight.

9. Mahathir is silenced when he realized that he was made a fool by both Anwar and his previous cabinet members.

10. 1-9 is fiction. Yes, fiction. Cherita rekaan semata-mata. Tiada kena mengena dengan yang hidup (Mahathir. Anwar, Khairi, Ezam, Saiful) atau yang mati (Altantuya, hatiku)