I'd thought of a few scare tactics when they first visited my room a year ago. One of them being inciting Sadaqallahulazeeem loudly (as if I'd just finished reading the Quran). wear a kopiah, wrap my neck with a serban and greet them with a assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, anbabar' with extra emphasis on the 'ain. But then they would respond by "Apa kata kita bilik sebelah, bertabligh" with extra emphasis on the gha'.
I opened the door feverishly, in my shorts and tees. As soon as I grabbed the doorknob, I quickly withdrew from it and rushed to the cupboard to change my tees. The one I wore has an American flag. Yikes.
"Assalamualaikum, saudara." The Tabligh is probably Sabahan, wearing a vest over a jubah. The other has a worn off jubah and a Steve Urkel pants.
They went in, squinted at the sight of the litter box and proceed to my room. They sat down. My cat hopped around their lap and bit Steve Urkel's toe, playfully. He frowned and hit my Syasya's head gently, with a kind of supressed hate looming in the corner of his eyes
I knew it was a little too late but I proceed with PLAN B:
I secretly called one of my friends and when the credit-notifier SMS rang, I picked it up and act as if a lecturer of mine called. "Yes sir, right sir. Oh my, really. I'll be right there."
"Minta maaf saudara, pensyarah UNGS saya nak saya ke office dia, dia ada masalah dengan PC dia. Emergency. Minta maaf ye brother."
Their face contorted. Steve Urkel frowned suspiciously. I took my bag and head out from the room with them and ran from their sight and headed to the nearest McDonald's drive-thru and bought myself a 6-piece nugget. McDonald's has the best nuggets, jewish-owned or not.
Their Ideals disgust the very core of me. Pile of carefully condensed shit, spread over butter and sprinkled with indigestives faeces.
I read some comments on some newspapers about how the fatal deaths caused by bus accidents are the doings of God. Qada' and Qadar they say. The time of death is pre-determined by God but not how it takes place. Some of my alim friends told me that those who died in undignified manners are just punishments for their past sinss to ease the punishments in the hearafter.
How is that possible when in Padang Masyar, victims of unfair treatments that resulted their death will point at those who are responsible and proclaim "It is he, it is he who caused my dreadful death!"
Getting a little bit preachy there aren't you Afiq?
Yea baby, it's Friday. TGI Friday.
We can't blame McDonald's though. In their advertisements all over the world, they'd already put on a disclaimer. That smaller-than-flea disclaimer on their ads. Anyone with supervision could've spotted it.
The art of packaging is not only used by big companies but also applied in simple businesse; k lah, let's make an example out of local fruits:
In Pasar Malams, you could easily spot fruits in perfect condition on baskets with a price tag; RM5 sekilo. When you ask the pakcik for a kilo, he will shove his hands deep into the basket and fill half of the plastic bag with rotting fruits, the other half with the good ones lah.
As widespread as it is, cheating, no matter how you do it is wrong. It's just is. It'll cause multiple problems to consumers and....... let me put it simply, in a term anyone of all religion could understand:
With CHEATING, NOW ANYONE CAN GO TO HELL!
Fayetteville, Arkansas - A certain Middle Eastern religion is much maligned in this country. Full of veils and mystery, it is widely seen as sexist. Often violent, sometimes manipulated by demagogues, it yet has sweetness at the core, and many people are turning to it in their search for meaning.
I’m talking about Christianity.
This Muslim squirms whenever secular friends – tolerant toward believers in Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Islam and Native American spirituality – dismiss Christians with snorts of contempt. “It’s because the Christian right wants to take over this country,” they protest.
That may be, but it doesn’t justify trashing the religion and its spectrum of believers. Christianity has inspired Americans to the politics of abolition and civil rights, as well as to heinous acts. Christian values have motivated the Ku Klux Klan to burn houses, and Jimmy Carter to build them. You can’t say that when Christianity informs politics, only bad things happen.
This may strike you as odd coming from a Muslim. But it’s true: people of faith do not signify the apocalypse for democracy. And that goes for believing Muslims as much as for other religious folk. Muslims, in a very specific way, are not strangers in your midst. We are kin. Not just kin in the lovely way that all humans are. We carry pieces of your family story.
I got a phone call one evening from a friend who is a lovable gossip in my home town. “Have you read today’s paper?” she wanted to know. A letter-writing curmudgeon had mouthed off about how U.S. Muslims ought to be expelled, as worthless, dangerous and un-American. “What are we going to do?” she said. We’d worked together on non-pork lunch options for our kids in school – we share that dietary law, as she’s Jewish.
Anyhow, I invited the letter-writer to coffee. Walter declined, but we started writing to each other, his letters bearing a Purple Heart address label; he had been wounded in World War II. Walter was the crotchety, racist American great-uncle I never had. I sent him family photos, as you do to even an ornery relative; he replied that he guessed I was Syria’s loss, America’s gain.
“Huh?” I said.
“Why, you’re a Syrian beauty queen,” the old charmer said.
One day, I found a plastic baggie of asparagus tied to my doorknob. Mystified by this American vegetable, not one I cooked in my heritage cuisine, I brought it in – then noticed, sticking to it, the little address label with the Purple Heart. “Sauté in butter,” Walter advised. He made me promise to come to the cemetery on Veteran’s Day; I did.
A year later, I get a knock at my door. It’s Walter. “La ilaha illa allah!” he says, before “hello.” “You and I worship the same God. I know that now.” He limps into my living room, and we finally sit down to coffee.
Muslims are the youngest sibling in the Semitic family of religions, and we typically get no respect from the older kids – Judaism and Christianity. That our older sisters didn’t stick our pictures in the family scrapbook doesn’t make us less related, sweetheart. And our stories are no less legit just because we have a different angle on family history. Want to know what happened to Hagar after she fades from the Bible story of Abraham and Sarah? Sit, have coffee, we’ll talk.
The Muslim spectrum contains many complex identities, from lapsed to ultra-orthodox. There’s this wisdom going around that only the liberal sort are worthy of existence. No, my dears. Conservative Muslims have a right to breathe as well. Being devout, even if it means prostration prayer at airports, is not a criminal offense.
I grew up Islamist. That’s right, not only conservative Muslim, but full-blown, caliphate-loving Islamist, among folk who take core Islamic values and put them to work in education and politics, much like evangelical Christians. One of the things about the United States that delighted my parents, and many Islamist immigrants, is that here, through patient daily jihad, they could actually teach their children Islam – as opposed to motley customs that pass for Islam in the Old Countries.
Christianity and Islam have the genetic structure of siblings. “Allah” is in the Bible. “Eloi, eloi, lama sabachthani?” the New Testament has Jesus (peace be upon him) asking on the cross. “Eloi,” “Elohim” of the Hebrew Bible and “Allah” are all derived from the same root word for “God”. When I discovered that fixed-time prayer was an early Christian rite, that Christians and Jews once practiced prostration, like Muslim prostration in our five daily salat, it was like recognising my nose on someone’s face in a photograph, then learning that the picture was of my great-grandmother. Joy!
Doctrinal differences abound, and each faith has its sacraments. Exploring these distinctions should be a source of delight, not of one-upmanship. In difference lie blessing and abundance. The Gospels detail many moments in Christ’s life, but for Mary’s own feelings in labour, you’ll want a glimpse of the Koran – and of Muslim hearts where the scene lives.
Pious Christian and Jewish values are not inherently in conflict with American civic life, as secular folk tend to forget. Devout immigrant Muslims don’t belong? That ship has sailed. Myles Muhammad Standish and Harriet Halima Tubman are here. Not as strangers out of place, either. This is a letter to your beautiful heart: We are your blood.
(Repeat) Check it out, yo, yo, yo.
(Repeat) Negaraku, Negarakuku.
I love my country, only when you have a country youhave a home. Only with a home then there will be me, standing herewith youLoudly singing, don’t be afraid. Even though I curse all the time. My song, is just like the durian. Tough and spiky, only. To see if you dare to open it, to look at the truth inside. It can be very stinky, it can be very fragrant. It only depends on what kind of nostrils you have.
Our police is called Mata. Because they have very shiny eyes. Once it’s New Year, they will be very hard working. Holding pens but they will rarely write you a receipt. Because they are thirsty, they need to drink tea. Also kopi-O, want to add sugar? If they add sugar, their mouths will sweetly smile at you. When you are leaving. They will even go “Tata.”
Negaraku Tanah tumpahnya darahku Rakyat hidup bersatu dan maju.
This phenomenon, doesn’t need any improvements. Neither does it need strengthening, the police and the people work together. A cup of coffee keeps our relationship temperate. I so very suka. At least I won’t go home and receive a saman (fine orticket). My dad would sure be pissed. I would also kiong kan (swear word in Cantonese for“get raped”), with no car to drive. What to do, this time so very kao lat (an expression,something like aiyo)With no car, how do I go out and play? With no car, how do I wage “wild war”? (I don’t knowwhat it means but I assume it has something to do witha girl) With no car, how do I go and watch ah kua?(transvestites)This country, I like it very much.
5 in the morning
There’s even a morning call to wake me up
Sometimes a few of them will sing together
When you listen to it, it’s like a love duet
The voice ululates like an R&B song
Even though sometimes they sing until it’s out of tune
Even though sometimes they even sing until theirvoices break
Some sound like cockerels, but they wake up earlier than them
This way we can know the time to get ready for class and for work
Don’t blame, the government only takes cares of the natives
Don’t blame, we don’t receive equal care
Only this way we can prove that we
Chinese are not afraid of hard work
Only this way we can train ourselves to find asolution during hard times
Don’t feel weird about their standards Because this only shows that we are smart (or capable)Children who are not spoilt will not be dependant
Because you see some children are still not weaned off breast-feeding.
Rahmat bahagiaTuhan kurniakan Raja kitaSelamat bertakhta.
People who hide in government departments are even better (even more capable)
They can do everything so slowly
Even when people are queuing, are cursing stinky lelai(what’s that?)
They’re chill and unfazed
Sometimes they even bring out their kuih
They eat their nyonya kuih
More people will continue queuing up
Even when you curse stinky lelai it doesn’t matter
Because the guard at the side is dreaming
And he won’t scold you one lah.
They wrap up their heads; walk slowly and cross theroad slowly
When you pass in the car you even have to let them pass first
The most important thing is to live happily; the most important thing is to live comfortably
Don’t be like the Chinese
Busy the whole day, very tough
We really cannot NOT admire this spirit”
Because this is their attitude in life.
I’ve been saying good things in this song
I believe those of you who are pissed at me will like this now
The world is peaceful, and full of hope
No one is hurt, there aren’t any riots
You’re so classy, you’re so elegant
Your kicapkicapkicapkicap is fragrant, and you don’t curse
You guys are the most high class, every day it’s just romancing
Listening to Guang Liang Pin Guan (this local Chineseartiste)
But he already ran to Taiwan
Private school students graduate
It’s so very tough to get admitted into local universities
Actually we don’t have to get pissed about this issue
Actually this is the a very noble plan by the government
They want us to explore the world, to find new opportunities for ourselves
To learn things and come back and repay the country
This is plan is so great, I can’t quibble about it
All over the world you can see Malaysia’s children They’re like refugees, so very shiok (expression fororgasm or high)
2007, Malaysia’s having Visit Malaysia Year
The Chinese culture is brought out and paraded
The government doesn’t even care about private school students
The certificate is thrown into the longkang (ditch),just like me
Graduated and went to Taiwan
Learned about things, and got ready to come back to repay my country
I stood on the streets of Taipei with my guitar
But my mouth still sings.
Rahmat BahagiaTuhan kurniakan Raja kita Selamat bertakhta.
Cheh, that's the video kah?
Insulting meh? The fact that he used the Negaraku song for his parody could be perceived by the Malaysian public as offensive but really, do we need to go over the horizon for this? The Negaraku song is originally an english song with an Hawaiian feel, Mamula Moon or most commonly known as the Terang Bulan. It was adopted by the state of Perak because it was the last song sang by a Malaya warrior before he was exiled to the Seychelles. He could've sang Itik Gembo-gembo but he liked Mamula Moon better for its mellow vibe is vibrant and exotic. Like Malaysia.
No, I'm not at all offended by this video. It is somewhat the truth, potrayed in a pretty -in-your-face- manner. Does that make me any less Malaysian to see the logic in the video?
The focal point of the video is the corrupted police force, lazy government workers and the unjust government. The rapper, Namewee must have experienced a taste of giving out duit kopi to policemen. This is not strange at all. I'd seen many taukeh belanja policemen in their kedai and sometimes see how policemen turned a blind eye with a cheap bribe. But with their increase of salary recently, I'm expecting them to stop this indignity. I was arrested once when I was at Melawati because they suspected me of being a chinese secret society member. They weren't the nicest bunch, that I've to admit. But, they're doing the job, and they didn't ask for any bribe. Salutelah.
Government workers, well some or most of them are lazy. They have a pretty static salary, a static lifestyle, a not so static mid-life crisis and a extremely static savings. Who could blame them for being static with their work? They face no extreme challenges and hardships like most businessmen and workers of private sectors. They buy their kuih, go to Carrefour to buy their weekly domestic necessities and head straight back home to deal with their kids. Same-old. Same-old.
Yes, the government has a pretty lopsided ruling on education. Because of their race-induced selection of university students, MCA, Gerakan, and DAP has to adapt to the government education flaws and introduce semi-government chinese schools to prepare students to do their A-levels and study overseas. This had made chinese students to minimize interactions with other Malaysians and caused them to be unfamiliar with the diversity of Malaysia. Namewee is a perfect example, being taught in a chinese school and sent to Taiwan to study.
Siapa salah? Kitalah salah.
It is not uncommon for this to happen. When a minority are forced to face extreme challenges, they will learn to adapt to the harsh environment, causing them to be ahead in many fields. Take the American Jews for example. Once critisized and publicly mistreated by hillbillies American, now they are the frontier in business and management in the whole of US. Japan is another product of pressing international criticism. You bomb me des, I'll make bigger bomb des. You now buy bomb from me des. Who win now deska?
Malay senstivity huh? I thought this is an Islamic state? As an Islamic state, tribalism and racism should be abolished. During the time of Prophet Muhammad, Jews, Arabs and Africans enjoyed equal amount of national pleasantaries. Fact. So shouldn't we do the same, if let say, we're a Muslim country. Non-muslim organizations and political parties should realize this FACT. That they will be given equal treatment if this country is an Islamic country.
I am not so worried about the future malays prospects. Most Malaysian chinese are beginning to become contented with their economical prominence and now(more than ever) began to see the light. The light. Lights coming from LEDs and screen monitors and flickering Samsung phones. More Malaysian malays are working under big chinese companies and later, much later when the older generation resides, the only people capable of continuing business will not be Cosplay enthusiasts, computer nerds, full time gamers, or trendsetters with wacky hairstyles. It will be the plain-looking Malays who uses the LRT to go to work, only to be ketuk by their chinese employers because of this and that. This and that.
C'mon man, we're not so different, Namewee. I know you know that the whole Malaysia knows that we all have to eat rice everyday. Strip your skin and you'll find that your flesh colour is the same as any indians or malays. Well, in the ehem-ehem department Indian might be a bit over-endowed and chinese under-endowed,,.... but that's not the point here! The point is... (what was the point again?)..
Oh right, Merdeka!
And there on, another culture came into life. A culture easily distinguished by a simple converstion.
I called Arif the other day..
Oh no you didn't....
Like yeah, yes I did!
So like what did he say?
Nothing that I couldn't figure out, with a hot bod, who gives a damn.
He's like the guy in Falcon Beach
Well your ex that looks like the guy in OC is like, fine.. too
yea I know.. Goddamn....
Muthu, could you give me a hand with this roast beef? I've been dying to show Letchmi my fine culinary skills. Have you bought the wine? Oh how delightful of them to join us for dinner, and make sure the children behaved as we'd rehearsed. Alright, all is set. Let us all wait at the family hall and admire the content of the telly-vision.
Mom, I'm home
Make sure you clean bed and do homework, ok?
Yeah mom, I've been doing that like, 12 years already
And make sure brother get teach by you after out
Do you speak like that, like, all the time mom? Make sure you don't when Steph and Steve Chui come and pick me up afterward.