The Evolution of Blue

For most Malaysians, blue is a special word for pornographic videos. Kids, pornography is an enhanced display of how abah and mama make babies. Babies that grows up to become you and me. Blue is how we learn about sex because abah and mama is too ashamed to talk about it. Blue is the most easily available genre of film in the internet. Blue made Paris Hilton the heiress into Paris Hilton the celebrity. Oh yeah, blue is also a colour. And a boyband from England.

I watched my first blue when I was 11. A mosque bilal from TTDI showed me and some of my friends a few collection of blue and let us watch one of them. I hate to break it to you but I watched my first blue at a mosque. It wasn't my fault. I didn't know what sex was that time, there were no Astro yet. When the bilal let us watched Perawan Desa, I was excited and afraid at the same time. I was excited to know that my penis has another purpose other than peeing. I was afraid because the bilal and my two older friends whipped out their penises and shook em until they become dragon like mushrooms as if this is an automatic reaction when watching blue.

The older guys bragged about watching blue all the time to the younger ones and since I was the only kid who tagged along with the seniors to watch blue at Bilal's room (terima kasih, UPTS!), I was obligated to tell them what it was like. Being the capitalist and artist that I still am, I sketched lewd pictures and sold them for RM5 each. The whole Quran memorizing instution was in heat during that time and its students were hornier than Quran reading pointers. During isolated breaks, the senior would go upstairs and mass wank to a lingerie catalogue and the juniors would later marvel at the starcy white stains left on the bedsheets. Back then, jizz was up the hizzey! Some seniors even went so far as to demonstrate several masturbation techniques while watching blue at the Bilal's room.

Age: 13. Location: home. Newly installed: internet. Yowza! It was a point of no return. I downloaded blue like Sabahan cops collected bribes. I liked the thrill of smuggling blue from the internet. Will I get caught red handed? Will my mom suddenly barge into the room? It was one of the most thrilling adventures of my life, downloading blue. The excitement. The fear. The addiction. But weirdly enough, I don't really enjoy watching them. Miley Cyrus got it right, it IS the climb.

During matriculation at UIA, guys watched blue religiously like I watch Oprah. I didn;t join them because they were more interested in straight to the point action blues like brazzers, milf and bangbros (start your Ares engine running!) When I entered the main campus, blue is readily available for everyone if you get to know a good friend of ours, LAN the blue pimp. At this point, the whole attraction of getting blue dissipitated. There were no more thrills or danger of acquiring or getting blue. When tempted to get myself some of that honey, I asked myself "What's the point?"

Blue, with all its whims and wonders can be very addictive but fortunately I am immuned. I would become an addict if there is more variety in the selection of blue. I prefer blue that is well written. It has to have dramatic lighting, perfect cinematography and a good storyline. Not out of this world hentai-ish angels consumating with demon stories but more of a soap opera-ish Werner Herzog piece, peppered with Woody Allen's wit but with a Shyamalan twist. Okay, so there is no such blue yet but you can't count out the possibility that such a genre will soon become the latest must-watch like the literal Total Eclipse of the Heart video.

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