Lawyer Jokes

Joke 1

Joke 2

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?” The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “RM7.98.” A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for RM7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: RM150.

Joke 3

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

Joke 4

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his Bookkeeper has swindled him of $10 million dollars. However, the Bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf a Bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to challenge the Bookkeeper about his missing money, the Bookkeeper brings along his Lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the Bookkeeper: “Where is the money you embezzled from me?”. The Lawyer, using sign language, asks the Bookkeeper where the money is hidden. The Bookkeeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The Lawyer tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.” The Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple, cocks it, and tells the Lawyer: “Ask him again!”. The Lawyer signs to the Bookkeeper: “He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”. The Bookkeeper signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in the suburb.” The Godfather asks the Lawyer: “Well, what did he say?”. The Lawyer replies: “He says ‘Bull! You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger’.”

Joke 5

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

Credits to Lubna

Joke 6

A rich man stumbled upon three orphans one day at a park. He wanted to help the orphans to become successful in the future but being the crude businessman that he is, he made a pact with the three orphans. He proposed to give the orphans RM10 000 each for their education from elementary school to university but when he die, they will have to give him back the money by burying the RM10 000 in his coffin. The orphans agreed and took the money.

Twenty years later, the three orphans were alerted about the death of the rich man who had given them money for their education. All three of them were 30 years old and had become successful professionals but they had only about RM 5000 in their saving accounts. They went to the burial and as promised, buried money and things that is worth RM10 000.

The first orphan, an architect put RM5000 in cash and rolls of architectural documentation worth approximately RM5000.

The second orphan, a lecturer put RM5000 in coins and a valuable dissertation that is valued at RM5000 by his university.

The third orphan, a lawyer took an empty cheque, wrote RM10 000, signed the cheque and put it in the rich man's front pocket.

Credits to Bapak.

Click here for a funny parliament joke by Huzir Sulaiman

(I wanted to post architect jokes but almost all of them are inside jokes; jokes that can only be understood by architects or architecture students.)