AFIQSAYS: March 2009

The End of This Blog

I've been blogging for three years now. Yesterday I read my past entries and realized that this blog have hurt many people. It hurt my estranged mom, my father and most importantly, it caused termendous dilemma to myself.

My blog gets 500 hits everyday and every month, I will get a dozen e-mails. Almost half of these emails are hate mails. I collected enemies with this blog and every week my car will get egged. Even the commenters underestimates me on a regular basis. Some think of me as a hypocrit and others see me as an ambitious young man who will realize later the world ain't that full of hopes and dreams after all. These people see themselves in me, as the younger impressionable version of themselves. They look at themselves today and can only see the misery that engulfs their hopes and trampled on their dreams.

These people contacted me and told me how I resemble them when they were younger. They asked me about my dreams and hopes before telling me they wished for the same things before. And then they'll tell me how I should be prepared to be bombarded with frustration and failures.

They told me that 'people like us' will never lead successful lives. "Who are these people?" I asked them.

"People like us who reads ID mags, listen to jazz and have sophisticated taste in everything." they answered.

"I'm nothing like that." I refuted.

"That's what we said when we were your age!" They laughed.

You know who you are. All 23 of you. Oh yes, you're not the only one.

I'm sick and tired listening to all your 'forecasting'. I don't want to entertain people like you anymore. You guys make me sick to my stomach andI still don't see why you have to belittle me with your 'vast experience' with life. For that reason, and also for a fact that most of my readers are emo girls and self proclaimed fags, I'm going to close this blog and lead my life bloglessly.

This will be my last entry.

Thank you all for reading and participating.

To those 23 post-Afiqs, I hope you realize that you are sore losers.

To my brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends and ex-girlfriends, we still have Facebook to communicate with eachother.

I guess this is it.

Good bye and god bless.

Must Study!

1. Notes are readily on the desk and powerpoint slides on the laptop. Oh wait, what's that in the corner of the room. A mountain of dirty clothes! Must do laundry first.

2. Okay, all clothes are clean and ironed. Ready to hit the books. Let's start with the first book shall we? Oh gosh, the cover is just so dusty. Come to think of it... (switches on the main light) the whole room is dusty! Must clean room first!

3. Alright, ma room is squeakay clean... Let's start with the first slide (opens desktop folder) Oh wait, what's this? Grey's Anatomy 511? Oh damn, yang ni tak tengok lagi ni. How to get peace of mind if I don't know what happens between Christina and Dr. Hann? Must watch Grey's Anatomy 511 first!

4. Settle, Dr. Hann finally kissed Christina and confessed his crush to her. (opens notebook) CNC should be given to both the employor.. Hah! Employor? I need to correct this. Where's my pen again... (looks for pen) Ahah! (finds a blue pen) Employer. Okay. Eh tak ngam lah the colour... How am I suppose to study with different colours on my written notes. Must buy black pen first!

5. Set! Eh hungry pulak. Must eat first!

6. Okay full already. Where were we... where were we... Oh right, notes. (Reads half a page) My back is aching. Better lie on the bed while reading. (Reads the other half) Why sleepy all of a sudden? Maybe because I didn't get enough sleep last night. Must take a nap first!

7. Refreshed and revitalized. Time to get busy baby! The Interim certificate... oh wait, Dr. Asiah said something about this part. (Takes out pen and writes note extension) Oh fish! I poked a hole on the paper! Need to get something to support the frail paper. (Finds a newspaper nearby and puts it under the paper) Interim certificate dictates that... the filmmaking revolution taking place in Malaysia is... Why didn't I read this article on this newspaper before? Must read interesting article first!

8. Done. It's a good day to study folks so let's get started. (Looks around) It's midnight already! Dunkin Damn! I better sleep now so I could study early in the morning tomorrow. Must get my beauty sleep first!

9. (Wakes up, takes shower and changes clothes) Second page.... Oh wait, breakfast is the most important meal of the day (padahal dah tiga tahun tak makan breakfast) Must eat breakfast first!

10. Perfect. Nothing could possibly go wrong now. Second page.... Something's growling down under. Must be the sambal nasi lemak. Must go to toilet first!

11. Fuckity fuck! I will never study if this goes on. Must concentrate! Must focus! Must meditate first!

Auwmmmmmm.....

Aiyo! Don't Worrylah!

Read about how Earth Hour Malaysia went here.

Everyone is so anxious to know when I'll be graduating. Even my father thought this is my last semester. I know for a fact that he is worried sick that I extended my uni study time. To be clear, I have one more semester left. 3 subjects or 4.5 credit hours to finish before I can spend four decades of my life working. Can't you guys just wait for just 3 more months?

I was crucified enough by my lecturers and friends because I extended my studies even though I didn't fail any studio or normal subjects. I didn't feel compelled to explain to them why I did what I did because it was really none of their business.

But because I didn't tell anyone why I extended my studies, people are beginning to assume that I'm some sort of a loser. A loser who keeps failing and can't get his act right.

So listen up people, I won't repeat this twice.

I extended my studies because I got myself involved with competitions and programmes that I can benefit for me to be able to be in the advertizing world. I extended my studies because if I finish it like a normal architecture student, I will have to work as an architect. What I'm basically saying is...

I dowan to be an Architect okayyyyy!? And I don't have the priviledge (money) to change my course oraitttt!?

First I worked as a book cover designer and design/produce miscellanous paper products like name cards, raya cards and hand made cards.

Then I started experimenting with videos and entered several competitions. I won 5 competitions in the past year.

A few months back I got busy writing a fantasy novel and an e-book.

Why?

Because there are several categories in advertizing like copywriting, advertisment designing and video advertisment. I was just covering all the basic elements of advertizing in a year and a half.

I basically covered all the requirement of a typical adverizing course outline while studying architectural subjects that I divided evently to make sure I have enough free time to have practical experience in advertizing.

Next semester which will be my last, I will be working in an advertizing company as an intern. This is like my version of a 'practical'.

And after next semester, I will have the experience of graduated advertizing student who have done practical work. This comes with a bonus too, I actually had working experience because what I did in my university are used by real people in real situations. And plus, I entered and won several competitions too.

So there. Don't ask me again with your sceptical eyes and pouting judgemental lips while thinking to yourself "I'm so much better off than him..." because...

I'm a man...

with a plan.

Berita Biul

Afiqsays is a blog where I tell my version of the truth in the Queen's language. You might have noticed that most of the things I write here are either about current issues, philosophy, my latest projects or my takes on certain things. In a nutshell, I tells it as it is about almost anything I fancy writing about.

Lately I felt a compelling need to stretch a bit and do something silly for a change. I'll still maintain this blog but whenever I feel to make fun of people, I'll do it at my other blog.

So tadaa!

Berita Biul is parody news website that covers real people in made-believe situations. It's meant to poke fun at anyone without actually offending them. I'm also planning to make parody news video with my cousins and brothers for fun. Check out Berita Biul and if you like the concept and would read it again, suscribe (langgan) to it!

Biul means Tak Betul, Mental or Bengong for your information.

What do you think? Will this idea work in the long-run?

Earth Hour is Every Hour

Don't switch off your electrical appliances from 8.30pm to 9.30pm tomorrow

Instead, switch off your lights and PCs from 10pm to 7am everyday.

Earth Hour In Malaysia a Success?

They claim it will be a success lah, with only 10% of Malaysians in Kuala Lumpur who shut off all electricity appliances for one whole hour from 8.30 pm to 9.30 pm.

What a load of bull.

First of all, WHY?

WHY? Why do it in the first place? To save electricity by having a few thousands of houses and buildings to switch off the air con and lights. Now I know why the Kedai Mamak will be full during Earth Hour. Switch off your lights then go to Kedai Mamak... How very convenient. How lah to instil kesedaran like that.

Might as well switch everything off everytime you go anywhere outside. Cannot lah Afiq, nanti pencuri datang.

The way I see it, equip your house with a security alarm and then switch off everything when you go out. By then, not only the potential thief (and you) will be alerted of their presence, the thief will find your house a living hell because the thief will probably trip over everything (because it's so dark) and fall onto a broken vase.

Settle.

Save electricity.

Secure house.

Thief dies.

Everyone's happy.

Video Analysis: Sunsilk Ad

1. The library is set at UIA Gombak

2. 0.07 - Heroine holds a gray pen with her right hand as she opens a book. 0.08 - A blue pen magically replace the gray pen.

3. The hero and heroine were studying and browsing for books at the Architecture and Education department which begs the question: why is there pictures of lime in the book the heroine is reading? What has lime has anything to do with architecture or education?

4. Pause at 0.24. Notice how the hero's friend is staring at the hero's face as if he's secretly in love with him. I smell a scandal.

5. The tables for men and women in the library is actually segregated. There is a gap of over 10 meters between the brother's reading area and the sister's. With normal eyesight, the hero and heroine couldn't have looked at each other affectionately.

6. Outside the library, the heroine is seen with two malay friends. One of her friends did not wear a tudung. All muslims students in UIA have to wear hijjab as regulated by the university. Even non-muslim women have to wear a scarf to cover their hair.

Coming Soon: Tandas Kita

Remember Jambanism, a blog I made dedicated to review and rate toilets? I discontinued it because after a while, I realized that it lacked mass appeal. Even the name is too spunky to be easily memorable. I also made a mistake by reviewing the toilets as if I'm reviewing food or films. Toilets in general are not meant to be judged with an air of sophistication.

So after some extensive reading: e-nteresting, Understanding Your Brand and What Are You Really Trying to Sell, I decided to revamp the public toilet rating idea. I'm calling it Tandas Kita and the review and rating style will be more fun, funky and practical. No long description or narration, just straight up ratings and exaggerated pictures. This is the suggested header for Tandas Kita:

It will officially start next week. I can't wait to get started. With Tandas Kita, I can accomplish these goals:

1. To create awareness among establishments operators when it comes to their toilet's cleanliness.

2. To scare the shit out of people who think they can get away with their dysfunctional appliances (yang tak baiki-baiki)

3. To make people realize that their establishments' toilets reflect their products and services.

4. To generate side income by advertizing tile companies, toilet appliances, cleaning services and etc.

Lawyer Jokes

Joke 1

Joke 2

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?” The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “RM7.98.” A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for RM7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: RM150.

Joke 3

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

Joke 4

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his Bookkeeper has swindled him of $10 million dollars. However, the Bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf a Bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to challenge the Bookkeeper about his missing money, the Bookkeeper brings along his Lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the Bookkeeper: “Where is the money you embezzled from me?”. The Lawyer, using sign language, asks the Bookkeeper where the money is hidden. The Bookkeeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The Lawyer tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.” The Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple, cocks it, and tells the Lawyer: “Ask him again!”. The Lawyer signs to the Bookkeeper: “He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”. The Bookkeeper signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in the suburb.” The Godfather asks the Lawyer: “Well, what did he say?”. The Lawyer replies: “He says ‘Bull! You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger’.”

Joke 5

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

Credits to Lubna

Joke 6

A rich man stumbled upon three orphans one day at a park. He wanted to help the orphans to become successful in the future but being the crude businessman that he is, he made a pact with the three orphans. He proposed to give the orphans RM10 000 each for their education from elementary school to university but when he die, they will have to give him back the money by burying the RM10 000 in his coffin. The orphans agreed and took the money.

Twenty years later, the three orphans were alerted about the death of the rich man who had given them money for their education. All three of them were 30 years old and had become successful professionals but they had only about RM 5000 in their saving accounts. They went to the burial and as promised, buried money and things that is worth RM10 000.

The first orphan, an architect put RM5000 in cash and rolls of architectural documentation worth approximately RM5000.

The second orphan, a lecturer put RM5000 in coins and a valuable dissertation that is valued at RM5000 by his university.

The third orphan, a lawyer took an empty cheque, wrote RM10 000, signed the cheque and put it in the rich man's front pocket.

Credits to Bapak.

Click here for a funny parliament joke by Huzir Sulaiman

(I wanted to post architect jokes but almost all of them are inside jokes; jokes that can only be understood by architects or architecture students.)

Muslim Woman ProWrestler?

Match is scheduled for one fall.... Introducing first..... Representing Syria....

Raisha Saeed!!!

No, she's not actually a muslim. Her real name is Melissa Anderson. She's not actually from Syria but from Los Angeles, California.

But this proves that muslim women can pro-wrestle if they want to. They can still cover their aurah and still perform killer Power Slams.

Alolololololololo!

Shoo shooo...

Get this, yeah; I was waiting for Megat at Pavilion's staircase near the entrance and sat down. A guard came near me and literally shooed me away! Fucking hell I was only sitting down.. I went to the concierge to complain:

Afiq: I was just sitting over there and one of your guards shooed me away. I would like an explaination!

Concierge girl: I'm sorry sir but you're not allowed to sit there.

Afiq: May I know why?

CG: Pavillion is a high end shopping complex and we would like to maintain a certain image. Loittering around the staircase will go against this image.

Afiq: This image of this mall being a place for the affluent and rich? How is sitting down at the staircase make this place look lowly and inferior? i'm not disrupting the flow of the people, there is hardly anyone there!

CG: I understand, but what you did will come down negatively to our consumers.

Afiq: I too understand where you're going at. Let me put it this way: I'm tired so I had to sit down. I didn't want to wait for my friend to arrive at cafes because then I'll have to spend my money on drinks. I'm tired and thrifty. These are human traits shared by both the rich and poor. I don't see any reason why these two traits, in your opinion, contradict with this mall's image.

CG: But you will make our consumers...

Afiq: I am one of those people you regard so highly. I am your customer.

CG: But you...

Afiq: And I can see that you're wearing a Customer is Always Right badge. As a customer, not only I have the right to utilize your facilities as I see fit, I can also tell you that you're wrong to think what you're thinking.

CG: Mmmmm... okay. I will tell the guard to let you sit.

Just after the concierge girl told the guard to let me sit on the staircase, Megat arrived.

Megat: Afiq, jom pergi tengok wayang.

Afiq: Jap, kita kena duduk dekat tangga ni for 5 minutes.

Megat: Nape?

Afiq: Less asking, more sitting!

Existentialistic

That is how I'm like when I stare at the ceiling to contemplate about my life or life in general. I lift up my legs against a wall so my brain can operate faster. I will close my eyes and imagine myself lying down on a vast field and make sense of the gray clouds.

I'm currently reading Musa Bakri's Towards a Competitive Malaysia and is amazed with the sergeon's insights of what he thinks will make Malaysia become more productive.

It's amazing how people can simplify the complexity of human life by arranging the nature of human actions and reactions. David Hume and Friedrich Nietzsche recorded their observation to make terms with their perception of life using philosopy. Sun Tzu used his insights and applied them to his war strategies.

In a sense, everything perceptible to us are small sets of jigsaw puzzles that can be arranged and fitted to larger ones and this continues in what I believe to be continuous and eternal.

The only thing that drives us to complete the 'puzzles' is our enquiry of own existence.

"I stick my finger into existence - it smells of nothing. Where am I? What is this thing called the world? Who is it that has lured me into the thing, and now leaves me here? Who am I? How did I come into the world? Why was I not consulted?" -Kierkegaard

Haha. Why was I not consulted? That bit is funny. Who would've known philosophers can be so funny!

I learnt a valuable lesson last night.

When I fell off a building last year, my initial thought of how life works is Life is Precious. I

Egged, Again.

My car was egged again yesterday. I'm now convinced that somebody is onto me with something. But that's the problem with egg throwing innit? To this very day, a month after somebody threw eggs on my car, I still have no idea what I did.

So apparently, I haven't change or improve the thing I did that angered the egg thrower. And how should I know what I should change anyway? This is just plain silly.

When Kedai Runcit Chong's front wall is smeared with red paint, it shows the taukeh still owes a substantial amount of money to a loan shark. When a politician gets an envelope with a live bullet in it, he must have offended the Sultan or the malays in general. But when Afiq's car is egged, the eggs will just be washed away by Malaysia's topical downpour, leaving him with two thoughts:

1. What a waste of perfectly good eggs.

2. I will have half-boiled eggs for breakfast tomorrow.

Which I did by the way. Yummers~

Pointless really, this egg-throwing practice.

"Apa ni Hadi?"

"Macam kari, tapi rasa macam kurma...."

Puduraya

"Nak ape dekkkk?"

"Yang paling sedap apa?"

"Nasi ayam special. Satu?"

"Okeh, satu nasi ayam special."

"Minum?"

"Milo ai...."

"Mat! Milo ais kaw kurang manis satu!!!"

Omg. Makcik nasi ayam psychic!

The Hypocrisy of Me

I'm an infoholic who has to read, watch and listen to information when I'm awake to keep myself sane. I carry a book anywhere I go, a practice enforced by my mom when I was smaller. But when I'm around other people who don't know me well, I will reserve all my thoughts and ideas to myself and if anyone ask me anything that could possibly expose my nerdiness, I'll answer Tak tau or entah. I do this a lot to my mom. She used to be so annoyed when I answer her series of questions with Tak tau. The hypocrisy of me.

I watch what I eat and make sure the food I eat is fat-free, healthy and perfectly proportional. I eat small portion of food five times a day and make sure the food I eat has no msg, trans-fat or excessive carbohydrate. But when I eat in front of other people, I'll eat like there's no tomorrow. In company of many, I'll easily down a dozen servings of food. The hypocrisy of me.

I talk about fitness like it's a religion. I'm a self-made expert when it comes to subjects associated with general health and well-being. I know almost everything there is to know how to build mass, get toned or lose weight. I'll preach the importance of health to almost everyone I know even though I never, never take my own medicine. I work out once in a blue moon, hardly ever do any cardio exercises and sleep anytime I feel like it. The hypocrisy of me.

We are all hypocrits when it comes to certain things. We may feel that our hypocrisy is necessary to maintain a certain image we want to perpetuate to others.

Some people even make it a point to lie about themselves to themselves. I know a person who thinks religion governs her life even when her lifestyle suggests otherwise. The weird thing about it is she convinced herself that she's the sort of person she draw herself to be.

People like me are hypocrits when it comes to implying a certain quality about myself. I want you to believe that I'm cynical, angry, prejudiced and careless when I'm actually optimistic, angry, open-minded and careless.

The hypocrisy of me.

Nationalism: The Soil of Senseless Wars

This is my graded persuasive speech I recently delivered. I thought it'll be good to post this speech for educational purposes.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah to everyone present today. I wish to start my speech with this song. (play Negaraku)

For those who didn’t recognize the song, it is the Malaysian national anthem, a song sung by all Malaysians every week for a good 11 years. The second line of the national anthem means ‘my blood pours on this soil’. This very line, memorized to the very core by Malaysians shows the sanctity of land over lives. My speech today is entitled Nationalism: The Soil of Senseless War.

What has nationalism has anything to do with war? How is it even considered as the soil, the habitat of war? I know for many this doesn’t make sense at all. I mean, how is devotion, which is another word for love that starts with D be responsible for the disastrous 3Ds: Disease, destruction and death? Well, let me put it this way. Remember the occupation of Afghanistan and Iraq? Those wars were initiated due to the terrorist attack on World Trade Center. After 9/11, nationalism was pitted and used by former President Bush to get parliamentary support for series of occupation. Because of Americans’ undying devotion to their country, bills were passed to support the war, resulting the aftermath of can see and hear to this very day.

I watched the Doha debate recently on BBC and was appalled to see how the debaters were defending the importance of revering each other’s boundaries when the main issue at hand was Unity of Arab countries. Suffice to say that the tension caused by strong opinions of each countries reflects the state of mind of arabs today. Past wars between Middle Eastern countries like Syria, Lebanon, Iraq and Iran were all started by a small group of people to get a grip on natural resources but they were all made possible by nationalism. The same can be said to other wars like war against terrorism in Iraq or war for liberation in Vietnam. Colonel David Antoon, a retired Vietnam army wrote the article The Reality of War. He highlighted how the US government manipulated information to enflame nationalism among the American citizens so they can be enlisted and serve the country by going to war. After the article was published, David Antoon was enlisted by the government yet again, but this time in a terrorist watch list. David Antoon, a national hero is now a possible terrorist.

It may surprise you that cruelty inflicted by dictators like Stalin, Mussolini and the infamous Hitler were only made possible by nationalism. Adolf Hitler who rose to power through his party of national socialist used nationalism by perpetuating the Deutschland superiority. He and his ministers constantly preached on national pride to stem hatred towards rival Europeans and Jews. (listen to sound clip) That was Nazi’s high official, Joseph Goebbel who said (when translated) we have German theatre, German films, German press, German literature, German art and German broadcasting. With that extreme nationalism propagated by the Nazi, 50 million people died as a result of which 5 millions were Jews.

But is nationalism the cause of all this death? Many critics say nationalism is a human nature as human beings are born feeling entitled to their properties....but to what extent? This sentiment, although is justifiable for security purposes were abused by politicians and capitalists in almost all cases involving territorial disputes. Think of it this way. Let’s say a person attacks a neighboring country to make sure his land will forever be owned exclusively by him. Let’s say he dies in the process. The land it still there, apparently his but without him. How does this make sense to you?

If we open up our history books we fill discover the most peaceful time in the world is when boundaries were breached not secured. The Ottoman kingdom that stretched from the middle east to Spain see its citizen, Muslims, Christians and Jews alike living peacefully. During those times, differences were celebrated and not used against each other. The concept of caliphate was successful at ensuring the quality of life because there were no nationalistic sentiments that divide the people, only that of loving and fearing one force: Allah S.W.T. that united people of all religions and race.

In conclusion, nationalism is indeed the soil that grows contempt to one another and is used constantly used for a small group of people to achieve selfish goals. Having said this, we should relinquish our nationalistic sentiment to achieve greater heights. Imagine replacing our very own national catch phrase Keranamu Malaysia (For you, Malaysia) to Keranamu Tuhan (For you, God). For muslims like you and I, this transition of mindset is only natural.

Thank you and wassalam.

A little bird told me that a video I made will be shown by a telecommunication company main website. If it's not obvious yet, I've been working hard to get as much exposure in the film/advertizing world because I'm expected to work in the field of architecture once I graduate. I know my parents don't exactly get why I'm doing this but

PPSMI

Remember when Anwar was arrested for fucking other men? Hell broke loose when thousands of Malaysians with outstanding composition of malays took their anger to the street and benefited street vendors who sold propaganda tags, stickers and badges. This happened back when we were experiencing inflation in our economy.