rest assure~

Met Puteri at the Economics Cafeteria yesterday and gave her the promised b'day box. We talked for 27 minutes. And as always, my way back to my studio was stenched with regret. Did I opened up too much? Did I made the proper gestures? Was my posture defined? And I was struck by a phrase long forgotten, fuming in the crevices of my conscience:

"Time spent wishing are time wasted"

And so I stopped wishing and start. Just start. Start whatever.

I spent my evening at a deserted gallery, just watching the receeding clouds and contoured hills. Went back down as soon as I spotted a red gleam and stumbled upon Lubna and Aufa. They were talking rather, rather 'girlishly' and I flashed a metal bounded smile. As a specialist of dismissive looks, I was more than content to leave them be.

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Success. The view from the gallery is sweeter than success. There is no such thing as success. Success is only a mirage. I may visualize a well in the middle of a dessert. I may even reach the well but as soon as I tip it with my index finger, it'll dissapear and another well will appear a few yards away. So I might as well enjoy the long walk, enjoy the tickling sand.

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What is success to be defined anyway? I don't know what success means to you but I'm sure as hell that I myself is currently and will forever be lost in translation. Today, I dismissed the idea that success is how they view as success. Who are they? Have you heard "They said that...." Who the dodol are they? They are expectations. They are the heat that produces mirage wells. They are everywhere. They are here. They are around us. They will not get me.

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They never will.

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I smiled cycling, thinking, if an accident occurs a few seconds later, I would like to smile when it happens. I would like the thought to be there (in my mind) for eternity.

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"Time spent wishing are time wasted"