This is a slog. A self log, an entry I feel interpersonally attached to me. I'm vulnerable right now.. So What?
Afiq? Introvert? Are you kidding me? Sure or not?~~~
I may find yourself emphatizing my pathetic confession, mainly based on disbelief. And why should I be bothered? I mean really, it's really my fault, really.
I have a major breakdown today after recollecting scenes from the past; relationships, friendship, etc. I found out that I'm emotionally corked. My empathy doesn't reach out to anyone in particular and having this known without the help of other people, I was in my -don't touch me- mode. Defensive for a purpose not known to myself.
And it hit me harder than I anticipated, flashbacks and takes of lifes flew back and fourth within a second. A second of self-pity. A second that would make anyone curl to themselves and flush in vivid scarlet. I realize now, more than ever, that I'm incapable of connecting with people in a personal level. I realize now, more than ever that that may be my biggest and most challenging weakness.
If only anyone who reads this know me as I am not as how I chose to present myself. I'm sure you could detect the thin layer of masquarade as my 'written' self does not reflect my being.
Anyone who does know a piece of me, I need your help, please be a dear and tell me "you're faking it, relax" whenever I start clowning myself. Sadly, no one really cares that much to bother. So I'll rest my case.