I'm not a very social creature. I stay indoors most of the time and venture outside these doors only when necessary but yet I've been called 'eccentric', 'different' and 'strange' by a lot of people.
I'm eccentric because when I'm not preoccupied with anyone in particular, I will be instinctively preoccupied with the space around me which means I will microscopically analyse everything and everyone. Imagine a guy who stares at the ceiling for as long as you've been walking past him. So I get what they mean.
I'm different because eventhough I don't look like I belong in the malay archipelago, I'm very much a traditional malay person. I'm more comfortable speaking malay than english. I wear batik and baju melayu during functions. I'm mild mannered and polite but has a deep balming fire within. However, I don't look my part. So I get what they mean.
I'm strange because I exude an ambigous sexuality. You can never tell whether I'm straight or not. I read novels in parks and watch 3 movies in a row alone. I eat anything that is considered edible with a consideration lapse of approximately 5 milisecond. So I get what they mean.
But my traits are not borned from me or within me. I used to be a blank canvas, empty and white. Rows of acrylic cans assembled themselves in front of me and offered me colours to fill up my void. Colors juxtaposed themselves without restraint when I was younger because I was too weak and naive and stupid to resist them. But as I get older I formed an image of myself based on my inhibitions, ambitions and primal instincts.
The cans of acrylics came in forms of people, television, books, music, trends, magazines, the internet and movies.
Why am I ranting on this subject? Mostly because I know a lot of people who gets pissed that society gave them the 'stare' because they are different and they reasoned that that's the way they are.
Because people are dissapointed that the people around them don't understand why they are dressing up this way, talking with this accent about this and that and committing themselves in this sub-culture.
Because I'm annoyed when people like to assume things about people who are considered different and the victim of the assumption will simply oblidge to make the expected reactions when confronted.
You're not so different or unique or advantaged like you think you are. You don't make your own trend, you innovate them. You don't create, you manipulate. You're not your own magazine, you suscribe magazines. You're not your own movie, you watch movies. You're not your own personality, you mimic other people's personalities.
I'm sorry to break it to you but...
You're not so different after all. You were an empty canvas before being coloured by cans of acrylic in forms of people, television, books, music, trends, magazines, the internet and movies.
So please, stop spending your time defending yourself against people's judgments and start making your own beautiful painting with the cans of acrylic that you think are suitable and fitting.
Because maybe, just maybe, your mixtures of colours will become a newly discovered colour that your sons and daughters and their friends can use to fill their empty canvases.