When I was 19, I announced to my friends that I will commit suicide. When I was 16, I threatened the whole family to jump off the window. When I was 17, I made out with a middle age chinese woman in a unoccupied shop lot. When I was 18, I slept on a hillside in a middle of a storm. When I was 20, I rented a motorcycle in Bali and wandered aimlessly for a week.
And yet, it is amazing that a lot of people think of me as a naive person who never actually live life.
I do give the impression because when I do something for the first time, I will get giddy and excited. People naturally assume that I'd never do anything beyond my comfort zone which is something I'm okay with. I will also report a version of my story that they are comfortable with. This way, it is easier to get away with things when people assume anything consequential I do is my first. I also don't own up to my bravado with the way I speak or act. There is no pool of wisdom in my eyes. There is no streak of macho exuberence in my air, just a hint of Givenchy.
And the way I go on and on about the health benefits (influenced by the saint of macrobioism) of sesame seed and millet...
Somehow throughout the years, my angst dissipated. Crazy hormones had left the building. I'm no longer driven to do anything remotely crazy. I mellowed down. I am beginning to live up to people's impression of me. Instead of getting more confident and complacent with myself, I'm getting more self conscious and let the worse of my insecurities take hold of my self-worth. So for a few days I wondered why this happened.
Yesterday I switched on the lights. Then I switched it off. And on. And off. On. Off.
Today I made up my mind. I'm declaring my independance. Every week I will do something I've never done before in my life. One week, one unique experience. This is my way to declare myself free of the trappings of the system. You know the system... It's our preconceive ideas of life brought by cultural boundaries and misinterpretation of our religion.
A la liberté!