Declare Independance

When I was 19, I announced to my friends that I will commit suicide. When I was 16, I threatened the whole family to jump off the window. When I was 17, I made out with a middle age chinese woman in a unoccupied shop lot. When I was 18, I slept on a hillside in a middle of a storm. When I was 20, I rented a motorcycle in Bali and wandered aimlessly for a week.

And yet, it is amazing that a lot of people think of me as a naive person who never actually live life.

I do give the impression because when I do something for the first time, I will get giddy and excited. People naturally assume that I'd never do anything beyond my comfort zone which is something I'm okay with. I will also report a version of my story that they are comfortable with. This way, it is easier to get away with things when people assume anything consequential I do is my first. I also don't own up to my bravado with the way I speak or act. There is no pool of wisdom in my eyes. There is no streak of macho exuberence in my air, just a hint of Givenchy.

And the way I go on and on about the health benefits (influenced by the saint of macrobioism) of sesame seed and millet...

Somehow throughout the years, my angst dissipated. Crazy hormones had left the building. I'm no longer driven to do anything remotely crazy. I mellowed down. I am beginning to live up to people's impression of me. Instead of getting more confident and complacent with myself, I'm getting more self conscious and let the worse of my insecurities take hold of my self-worth. So for a few days I wondered why this happened.

Yesterday I switched on the lights. Then I switched it off. And on. And off. On. Off.

Today I made up my mind. I'm declaring my independance. Every week I will do something I've never done before in my life. One week, one unique experience. This is my way to declare myself free of the trappings of the system. You know the system... It's our preconceive ideas of life brought by cultural boundaries and misinterpretation of our religion.

Declare Independance!

A la liberté!


Puteri said...

Afiq, I wouldn't say the experiences you quoted equals to "living life" per se.

But I'd give it to you for the fact that, "you've been there and done that" =)

Oh hey, you know what - I should do this too! Something new, interesting or crazy every week. Im getting so routined (tho crazy), but still routined.

Keep me updated if it's something that I could join ok!

Happy "Independence", Afiq =)

SleepingBeauty said...

Good luck adventuring!

Keep us posted :)

Moja Amin said...

break a leg, sir!

Afiq Deen said...

yea well, thanks puteri for ur msg in the chatbox. believe it or not, i do feel a tinsy wee bit annoyed when people draw me up to be someone who... you know.. doesnt really 'enjoy' life.

im planning to ermm... let's see... go jugle trekking alone on friday. A compass, a camera and a bottle of salted water is all it takes for this experience to go smoothly.. and a handphone! orang sekarang mana faham smoke signal..

Anonymous said...

sometimes let your head do the get liberated faster...sirraboy

adam k. said...

when i was 6 or 7 i threatened to kill myself by jumping off the first floor because i didn't want to go to school.