Tomorrow Never Came

The wonders of keeping a journal since I was seve!. I know that my brother had read it and knew how I secretly wanted to be a Slytherin. Even my mother read my journal. Privacy wasn't part of the deal. (There wasn't even a deal!)

Here's an entry I wrote on 16th of September 2000 about what happened when I was nine years old. When I was nine years old, I simply wrote: I hate MUTHU!!!! in my journal.

Dear Journal,

I woke up angry with Muthu and his calves and his theatrics. I woke and remembered my teary journey back home. I remembered how I stomped my way back to my room, jumped extra high onto my bed and cried loudly so everyone could hear. That was the point anyway, so everyone around me will nod and tell me that it's not my fault.

Everyone around me thought I was genuinely crying so they closed the door and let me be. I stopped crying loudly and reached for the mini Encyclopedia, anticipating Bibik to rush to the door to check whether or not I killed myself. After an hour of anticipating, my anticipation pespired and dissolved back to emotions. I kept quiet and stared at the ceiling. The only sound I heard was cuckoo-cuckoo, Bibik was feeding Bapak's chickens at the backyard. There was excessive saliva in my mouth from all the crying so I gulped. The gulp got stuck in my throat for a whole day. I grabbed a thesaurus and checked 'gulp'. 'Sob'. I was sobbing. I sobbed.

It was the first of many sobs to come. On that day, October the 23rd, I lost Jason Ng to Muthu. He was my first best friend until Muthu came along and persuaded him that the reason why he didn't pass his PTS was because of me. He befriended a stupid malay who sucked all the knowledge from him. After the long school break, I was skipped a grade from standard 3 to standard 5 and was acknowledged by all teachers in the school as one of the three prodigal children. I was comforted by this knowledge. I may not have any friends anymore in this class but at least, at least I'm regarded as the smartest one here.

Every day during recess I will eat my meals as near possible to Jason but not too near to expose my intention. The daily 3 metre proximity for 10 minutes continued for three months. As far I was concerned Jason was still my bestfriend. He was just brainwashed by Muthu and he will wake up from his dream any moment now. Any moment now.

On one fateful recess, he left an exercise book on the canteen table and went off to play hide and seek with Muthu, Yvonne, Ivan and Jeremy. I picked it up his exercise book and double cheked it. Jason Ng, Bahasa Inggeris. It's fate. I will give the exercise book back to Jason and Muthu's seal will break! What a brilliant plan! But they're playing hide and seek. The only time I will catch Jason alone is when... when he arrive to school. He is always 30 minutes early. I'll wake up extra early tomorrow and tell Umi that I've a school programme to attend to tomorrow morning so I will have to be there an hour earlier.

Tomorrow never came. The night before Tomorrow, I was told by Umi that I will be changing school because Bapak was transfered to Sandakan.

I kept Jason Ng's Bahasa Inggeris exercise book to this day. His last assignment was:

Describe your best friend.

"My best friend's name is Arfik Deen. I friended him because he is smart and likes to read books every morning before class starts. We like to exchange food during recess. Once, I ackcidentaly gave him pork but he ate it anyway. He is a malay so he prays every afternoon in the surau. He likes to wear white tshirt after school and a silver bracelet his father gave him. He likes to say "Jom!" and "Alamak" eventoh we speak english with each other. He eats more than me but he is thinner than me. He looks like a chinese but cannot speak chinese. He is in a different class now but everyday during recess I will sit very near to his table. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore since Muthu scold him last year. He still reads every morning alone in front of the school gates. His favourite book is The Last Unicorn."

Deen (signature)