A month to go~

Sensual and a tad depressing Sunday this is....

As the month of Ramadhan kicks off in full swing (soccer matches included), today is a different kind of Sunday. A Sunday of subtle reflection. Yes, subtle. Ramadhan is never the same outside the parameter of no2, Lrg. Raja Udang2, KingFisher Park. As the Balik Kampong song began to conquer national radio stations, the celestial robustness of the violin entre screeched at the very presence of me. It screeched through and out of me with no resistance. And on its way out, it slicked the exit with dispensable memories.

Raya is never a truly happy occasion. Birthdays are more enjoyable as anniversaries are meaningful. Both events are uncomparable of the hollowness of Raya. Yes Ladies and Gentleman, Raya is hollow and empty in every sense as it was misdirected from the beginning.

Raya that I'd experienced were puffed with duit raya, baju Melayu and rendang, sweeatened by the scent of baby cousins and peppered by the elderly presence. No more no less. Raya I'd lived through are results of a month's hardwork of buying new curtains and 70% bargain carpets. Raya I'd gone through are endless niblings of chocolate coated cookies and pineapple tarts. For me, no matter how glorious the front of celebration presented by everybody it was just a celebrated sketch where everyone stretch their cheeks and beamed their tired eyeballs. No more no less. But it's not to say that I didn't truly enjoy Raya. But it was a different kind of enjoyment and it had only lasted for a few minutes.

As Allah had firmly put it: I will not change the situation if you don't change yourself, today is a reflection of the true meaning of Ramadhan. Neither soccer nor sorcery will make the engagement of this holy month a meaningful one. As a humble servant of the Lord, I vow my faith to His rules and affection. As a son, I will embark my vision of Raya valiantly and responsibly. As a rakyat, I will accept raya with grace and affection.

Afiq steps into the house with a heavy heart. So heavy that the crevices of it leaked blood. His throat stiffened and froze. Afiq's cheeks is as hot as the whistling pressure cooker that hails the liveliness of the kitchen. He carved a smile when a familiar head nudged his cold fingers. Afiq looked at his brother Putra intently and whispered "Pergi cakap dekat ayah Selamat Hari Raya". He streched his face to its fullest extend to persuade the four year old. Afiq's heavy heart is now thumping and racing, stopping a beat whenever Afiq swallows.

And there she sits, her face unprepared and pale in exhaustion of last night's preparations. Her expression was animated; tired yet excited. She burried her lips when Saiful's sampin slipped off his thin figure. The more Afiq's heart race, the more placid his movements. He sat uncomfortably beside his mother, feeling the warmth of his mother through the sofa. "Abang belum lagilah!" Hadi shouted from afar.. "Umi kena mintak ampun kat Ayah dululah!" His cracking voice neared.

Afiq lend his right hand shyly towards her and trembled "Umi.." she couldn't hear a thing but his curling posture reminded her greatest fear, Afiq's sudden collapse when he was younger. He seemed weak and futile. She supported his fall and held his back only to find out that it was unusually warm. Afiq burried his head to her hands and in a flush of moment, his hearts dampened. Afiq's mother could feel cold continuous tears on her hands. Puzzled for a second, she grabbed Afiq's hand harder and burried her head to Afiq shoulders out of comfort. It was like the first time I held my first child, she realized. Afiq then lulled on her soft shoulders, his cold tears mixing with his mother's. Like the becoming of teh ais. His hands grasped the beginning of his life. He is back to his origin. He is as near as he could be before he was released from her woumb. And all the ruckus of Raya faded like washed watercolour paintings. All the decorations, the angpaus, the fresh Ketupat. Everything.

Afiq's mother took hold of Afiq's shoulder and declared proudly "You are my first son, how can I not love you!" She trembled and hugged Afiq slowly and softly. Afiq grabbed her back and cried loudly but soundlessly.

And as the crying subsided, Putra snugged in between Afiq and his mother's union and whispered in his clear sincere tone "Selamat Hari Raya!"

Happy Ramadhan People


hmsb said...

You certainly have a way with words.

Happy Ramadhan (and Selamat Berpuasa)

Anonymous said...

Salamun umi son afiq,

Nice story, however would like to continue them.

As afiq grow n away to college, a new beginning of independense, how he handle them all depends on his virtue of life he wants to lead. An architect he wish for umi support though not happy coz there are thousands og architects n one has to b excellence to be on the top list of employment.

Afiq will adventure all kind of love n as advice by umi handle them well but concentrate in college. As for umi's feeling it has become last of the list n umi has accepted it n giving all clear path for afiq to venture.

However umis advice if u fall n feel pain its not the end but the beginning. learn n better the next approach. As for umi she is an old rug n only when trr2 n cling2 she 'll receive words n account no. She 2 has accepted these n well dear umi son afiq Take Care n Selamat Raya Fitri in advance. umi celebrating them here at home n as for afiq guess he'll spent them in new found love. ( when ur young n most needed support no one came to aid but moment ur in college everybody offer their love, coz they want to be part of you as somebody an architect. but umi ur are still her son nothing less or more.still be part of her prayer n wish for ur good future.

afiq said...

I won't be able to balik kampong because of the exams.

Afiq is a little disturbed when umi describe bapak's family my new found love.

it has never been that way and love is something I only treasure with umi, hadi, saiful and putera no matter where I'll be on earth. I may not show my feelings in person because I don't know how to but I do know how love feels like and it is only present with my umi and adik2 is around.

It is a flaw of mine of not knowing how to express my true feelings but it's there and will always be there. in my heart for eternity.

zati said...

ha....kan sonok raya kat umah.... smua ader..
so pe pikir lagi....

ops! exam ek...
alah....kalu nak, bleh jer...klu x....
biar blik skejap but bermakna.
kan mr!

hmsb said...

hye afiq

would u mind if i link ur blog to mine?

afiq said...

ya miss zati.. saya akan cuba memikirkan perkara ini.

hany ader blog ek.... waaaaa.. linklah and nanti afiq link kan hany kat blog afiq.

Anonymous said...

( when ur young n most needed support no one came to aid but moment ur in college everybody offer their love, coz they want to be part of you as somebody an architect. but umi ur are still her son nothing less or more.still be part of her prayer n wish for ur good future.
-Umimax )
THAT IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT, azhar is an architect,and I don't wanna be part of him, Li is a CEO and I don't wanna be part of him,amir is a ceo and I don't wanna be part of it toooooo. who else, name it. What are we talking here????? wealth, status? I am a QS, a successful one, very successful and neone wanna be associated with me for that matter, coz I don't let them. So what are we? Still playing the same old tune, dah berkarat, fesen lama..why don't u all look at it in a positive ways, it s always half empty isn't it, never half full. So what are we talking, finding new love?? when is love new, the day afiq was borned? is that new, or is love measured by something else, material, money, what ??? tell me. Read the comment above about afiq says its tough to be a man. There is always a mirror we can looked into. Sometime enough is enough.

uncle Lan

afiq said...

I just want to clarify things. I love everybody albeit status and positions.

I don't really put much attention to ppl's worth because for me Life is so much more than numbers.

And I really am confused especially when it comes to this family matter but then again there's not much difference in how I appreciate family. So that's that.