A week ago I was 'fairly' excited about the whole short film. Now I'm just scared shitless. What if the whole short film turned out to be crap? Will I do justice to my volunteering actors' efforts?
Yesterday I must have muttered 'sorry' a few hundred times to Jannah. I thanked Puteri more than 10 times an hour. I'm sorry guys! I'm just so very nervous. And since I'm the sole producer, director, editor and whatever roles necessary to make a complete short film, the burden of this no-budget short film is on me.
Don't get me wrong. I love the whole idea of experimenting but now I'm doing so at other people's expense; their time and effort.
And thank you for reminding me that I'm only an amatuer filmmaker and that this is my first short film. I do get carried away and become overly self-critical at times.
And I doubt myself all the time. I've to admit, I'm not a film student so there's a great deal of filmmaking concerns that I'm not aware of but I'm learning and this is a learning process. I may not be a film student or have the best equipments yet for making film but I've never felt the way I do now my entire life. I'm loving every second of it. I'm not even sleeping and eating right anymore. I'm just desperately in love with the whole idea of making films. And if this is what I'll doing for a living, I don't have to work a day in my life!