4 Peringkat Ajal

My very first short film!

4 Peringkat Ajal:

Tell me what you think. I'm eager to know. Before you do, excuse the quality of the film (sound, grains, etc) because I shot the whole film with only a DV handycam.


Amers. said...

first video-
erk pelakon agak stiff. dialog agak complicated. tapi content macam yang amek gamba lpas semayang tu bagus la. masa ni tak faham lagi what u are trying to portray.

aku tak faham.

third one-
aha baru faham. hebat la kau. lepas ni everyone thinks UIA is haunted. ahah.

andrea C said...

what can i say... u started 2 years ago by yourself and now ur first product is as good or better than most directors who hv been directing half their life ( in malaysia at least)

am i supposed to comment about the short film now? mmm wait... its unique and different. very different than most short film id seen b4. kudos man.. u'll make it big in malaysia (and beyond). im sure of it!

Anonymous said...

asal mamat 2 hentak kepale minah frust 2???

Afiq Deen said...

sbb dorang terlanggar kan... pastu mungkin duit/wallet terjatuh and jannah yg terambil.. so sbab along tu pressure dia sgt sampai miscall 5 kali sebelum dia bunuh mak dia, shahril terasa cam takleh control pastu gedebuk... mmg aku nk buat cerita ni jd clear sket awal2 tapi best gak kalo org speculate. ada misteri sket.

mlle said...

There is much space for you to expand the time lenght of the film but you execute it well in such a short film.

Is the driver who sit next to Nik driving your car? The sterling says "Afi deen" though, hehe.

Before watching the third clip, I thought the characters died when the scene black out and that really is like "huh? that's it?". So the final clip showing how they die (in details) is really the boomer. you rock, writing a script like this. The Puteri one freaks me out. I almost forgot Kabir who appeared first at the start of the film, and he is the final victim who is the most positive death accepter as compare to the others. this part surprised me, which really makes your film "worth watching".

And oh yeah I also like the way you contrast Shahril's red shirt against grey tree branches background before he went to kill the girl. (I only watched once so i hope i get the details right, sorry if there's any misunderstandings and misquotes)

You go Afiq!

Puteri said...

Love the final editing, afiq.
I think i can meet you and personally give my comments/criticism. But I like it.

....I'm now asking people to watch to see me die. And I've never been this happy about dying! ;p

Good luck with the competition, I had fun working on this with you.


shamel said...

oh..i'm a bit slow when it comes to a movie yg kena fikir2 neh. So, after reading Ping-from-Miri's comment, only then I understand (a bit) how the story goes. Guess i've to play it for a second round without popcorn in hand. I hafta concentrate this time around. haha.

The choice of b/ground music is cool, editing is.. i would say nearly perfect, and the poster..yeah. Simplicity is the secret.

And..well done!

Anonymous said...

aku rasa credit tu patut letak afiq deen last2.

xxeemm said...

The counter above their heads reminds me of Deathnote very much. Nice shots and music. I liked how Nik died.

Afiq Deen said...

thanks ping from miri! It was my intention to contrast between Jannah and Shahril. Jannah and soothing indigo and Shahril in blazing red, both in grey background.

Thanks pu3. Many people told me ur the best actress in the whole short film, serious shit. Haha. Even my dad said so!

I think it's my fault also la because I watch quite a number of 'cerita fikir-fikir' ni so I'm heavily influenced by them. I cant blame other people for not caring to understand or just couldn't, haha.

Nama director mesti first la ngok. Mana ada movie director last2. Last2 brand equipments cam Dolby atau Kodak. Ko pernah tgk nama director last2, kalau ada cerita apa?

Yeah I like how he died too. Totally expected but his raw determination to commit suicide made it unexpectedly expected, in a good, twisted way.

lubnaaa said...

Strange, that death counter reminded me of Nickelback's Savin' Me video from a few years ago.

Here's my comment:
I honestly enjoyed it. It started out a little stiff in the acting, but gradually the film managed to gain momentum. I particularly liked the frames, shots and angles you used, especially the ones in the bus/car - it gives this, I don't know, contemplative feel? Or maybe that's just me.

Sempat promote blog in the CC scene, eh Afiq? Hehe.

The acting from your 4 main actors/actresses = thumbs up. Especially the girls (not because I'm biased, but because I know them and seeing them act was something else.)

Lets see, what else? Interweaving the plots was creative.

And lastly, brilliant ending! You managed to drive your message home with that one last line. I think that was my fav part, definitely.

Bravo Afiq! As andrea C said, you've done something many directors are still trying to do, all on your own initiative.

Keep it up, and keep at it!

miranabila azlan said...

da tgok dah.
comment sme mcm lubna jgk.
intro die bestlah yg mse dlm bas tu, pastu promot blog kat cc and stereng yg brnme afi deen. hahah, mmg klaka n best.
part tyme puteri mati tu pn best,
sbb kte mcm tetibe, "eh knape2??" effect krete nk lnggr puteri tu gempak. and also effects mase transtition clip lain to clip lain pn best gak.
tp knape "peringkat"??
xnmpk pun pringkat..
sorila klo trlepas pndg.
and yg last skali mamat tu pegi bunuh diri knape? xpahamlah yg tu..
overall, plot die mmg best gilaaa lah! well done!! tp kalo cte die lg clear, memang mantap...

Anonymous said...

citer drama melayu letak director last2.haha

Anonymous said...

Job Well Done...brilliant story line..u can make Freud redefine death...love the interpretation of the 4 stages..fresh perspective from fresh mind...About the craft..great idea but I wish you stay with your own executional style..have seen it in your other videos..dont let our TV drama influence u..overall great job and kudos to the actors.. i would put it on air, too bad dah takde TV station..sirraboy

Diran said...

ok...i agree with someone up there saying its so similar with nicklebacks video...but i would honestly say i love the whole movie.it gave me the creepes.i was literally holding on to my seat. the dialog was a bit shaky but well composed.your sound system is remarkable, noting for someone new in the business. In real movies and dramas also not that good.

I love your friend Putri. I think shes hawt and damn cun at acting. She should really look seriously into acting. And i love the whole tergedik scene about the handphone and snapping picture. Thats so funny. Its so fresh. Your first actor is like a walking stick, and the dialog was so religious it made the whole scene so fake.And promoting bank islam?haha.You think they even knew about this movie?..haha..(i do wish they do, so they can see new talents brewing). I like that small boy or whoever, who commited death himself. I like the way he was so brave in walking towards the balcony and standing on that end of the wall. So hindi movie!

Dear Afiq,

The movie is good. Given a good budget, you could have made Malaysia's most scariest movie. But to think of winning something, you would(I dearly hope). But I really think that the judges would have in mind a movie that tells something interior and exterior. You know a touchy story. Not a morale story. But something thats not so pirated. Like yours, story line isnt of course, but the whole death and timing on the head is so obvious from Nickleback(although you probably would swear you didnt know Nickleback even ever existed). It would show your story isnt so much as something thats well thought. Its just well rehersed. I just love your actors and actress(except for the fist two guys), your editing, your sound system. Do create more movies. I would love to watch 'em. And I think so does everyone else.


I do hope you win all the OSCARS!!!

soraya lah. said...

afiq. i feel so malu want to comment here. since u have fans and all. but i will because i'm so proud of u. i'm so sisterly kannn. aaannywaayyy.
1.i think you shouldnt have asked ppl to "excuse the quality of the film...only DV handycam". sbb i dont know, it's more real with the handycam. it's art u know? ppl would think it was intentional having all those sounds and grains (wtv that is.heeee). maybe it could be your style or something.it sounds like your sorry jgk. sorry guna dv handycam je. dont be sorry. be "nah! here take it. i made this and i'm damn proud of it".
2.i love the girl yg tangkap gambar lepas semayang tu. takleh blah.
3.i like puteri. and her story. haha its funnyyyy. with the youtube and all.
4.love the music. it fits. very good lah u.
5.i dont really like the narrator at the beginning of part 3. mcm manja je. i mean i bet she's a nice girl and a nice friend, i dont mind voices in general manja ke, sengau ke apa ke tapi for narration tu mcm tak kena je. but i dont know maybe its just me.
6. i like eddie. and the trees. how he thinks. you made "eddie" real.
7.i didnt watch the first half properlyyy. i will watch it again. u can hate me til then. haha.
well written i think. kalau tak i wouldnt be here commenting. it was visually beautiful jgk. moments where everything was symmetrical. i'm a sucker for anything symmetrical. hahahaha.
anywayyyyy do more amazing things. i'll try to keep up. sorry panjang sgt. wish i was in uia so i can tell u personally. k thanks afiq bye!

Matematis Muda said...

Erm pendapat-tak-berapa-bernas aku, dari segi cara shooting, sedikit sebanyak macam kebanyakan cerita Melayu. Bagi aku, kau terlalu nak cari angle yang lawa. Tak salah. Tapi macam cerita Melayu kebanyakan la. Apahal tetiba nak bergaduh kena dekat jambatan, background Putrajaya lah itu lah ini lah. Bagi aku, itu semua bukan tak perlu, tapi lebih bernas kalau difokuskan kepada situasi. Bukan sekadar gambar je nak kena lawa. Mood semua turut dipengaruhi oleh cara gambar diambil.

Taktau lah. Itu cuma pendapat aku jela. Aku pun bukannya mahir sangat bab2 perfileman ni huhu

Lagi pun aku baru habis tengok part 1 baru, and benda ni terus datang dalam kepala aku, so aku cakap terus lah. Nanti dah habis tengok semua aku komen pasal cerita pulak la.

Lagi satu, pelakon2 dia pun not bad a. Tak boleh la nak compare dengan pelakon pro kan, tapi boleh tahan bagus gak a.

Nice work man

Anonymous said...

menarik short ni. patut tunjuk kat david teo. mana tau rezeki kau ganti si pierre andre tu.


That is the camera that you won right?

-one- said...

hey afiq, sorry late respond... been held back flight got delayed in oversee. anyhoo, as requested last week i've made my comments. I've emailed them to you, some are good...some not so. Good luck for the competition tho.

Its a good start!


-one said...

ohh btw... the charming lady with the youtube/tudung/selling food.... she rocks!!!.... dont mind using in one commercial maybe...hehe...;-p


Afiq Deen said...

Oi mira, oh mamat tu.. sebab dia compare kan diri dia dengan pokok, dia dapat idea yg kalau pokok yg ada akal tahu pokok tu akan kene tebang, baik dia tumbang.. kira mati dengan pilihan sendiri n bukan faktor lain.

Thank you Sirraboy for your encouragement! I really appreciate it. I'm still looking (or creating) for my own style so I tend to experiment with different method of filmmaking. That's why the four scenes are vastly different from one another. (I will google 'Freud' ASAP!)

Diran, I thought I mentioned this already. I got the death timebomb idea from Death Note's anime and manga. In nickelback, the noticeable time of death runs by the milisecond whereas in deathnote, it ticks by the second.

But thanks for you exaggerated praises though. Hahah. I know what you mean when you wrote that the film shoud be easily understood. I found that many people dont understand the short film if they watch it only once. I expected other ppl to grasp the plot and storyline in one go only to realize that we all have different wavelength and our perception of visual motion and comprehension of new concepts differs. I learnt a lot when I made this short film and will probably make better, understandable film in the near future.

Wah soraya dari australia~

Aha, you dont like Jannah's performance. On the contrary, Jannah in person and in the short film, is a real sweet person. I thought it would be interesting to make her angry even though she might be the last person on earth to get angry. And if you have noticed, she wasnt THAT angry, her anger was simply passed on to another person by a simple accident.

Haah matematis muda, part 1 mmg byk giler perspective yang 'lawa'. Yang lain tak sangat la kot.

Haah ritz, that's the camera I won.

I read your comments on how to improve. I agreed with most of them and reserved some that doesn't make sense to me. I know I should write a simpler story but it this day and age, one should start off brimming from the cup's edge (if yo catch my drift)

I had shots to clarify the story but I preferred that people speculate or scratch their heads. That way, they would want to watch it again and by the time they do, they will have a new take on the whole story. It's like a 2 in 1. Enjoy the nice view, blah blah blah.. aik I dont understand.. watch it again.. oh now i geddit..

I like the 'oh now I geddit' part when people watch it. Usually that part are made stale by some directors but I want it to be a discovery for viewers. And again, this is not a commercial, it's a short film. People dont have to geddit the first time around. It's like making ppl watch movies in the cinema.. they understand the movie as a whole but the details they couldnt grasp...., well, they will just have to watch the movie again or wait for the DVD. Untung what like that..


Kudos!, U seem comfortable selling Oranges in a Banana Republic (To quote Kamal K Jabbar).

Almaidah (5):104 -
Apabila dikatakan kepada mereka:

"Marilah mengikuti apa yang diturunkan Allah dan mengikuti Rasul". Mereka menjawab: "Cukuplah untuk kami apa yang kami dapati bapak-bapak kami mengerjakannya". Dan apakah mereka akan mengikuti juga nenek moyang mereka walaupun nenek moyang mereka itu tidak mengetahui apa-apa dan tidak [pula] mendapat petunjuk?"

I wonder how far you could go to:

1. Prove the Truth; against
2. Established beliefs.

adam k. said...

Congrats on your very first short :)

Act 1.

The way mr. chubs was introducing himself...fucking hell geli sangat haha..who the hell talks like that. the front desk lady was good tho.

5:19 - continuity (when he pusing).

5:47 - Megat - "don't waste my time" . that part was strange.

7:04 -7:05 -continuity (paper on head)

8:39 - "commet" *comet (subtitle)

Act 2
I was in the middle of writing about the sound when i heard the pen crossed the list so kuat haha.good good. Anyway make sure all dialogs are audible and normalised.The subtitles made up for it tho. On your next work you should put time into little things like the sound of footsteps.It makes the scene feel full somehow.I know you know this but just for the sake of saying; you could always rerecord the dialog later if a mic isn't available during shoot.

eh.. puteri's part was anger?oh..

Act 3
2:16 - continuity of the jump.make sure when an object or person jumps/falls to the right it doesn't land to the left of the screen.

Maybe it would have been cooler if you wrapped a tudung around a watermelon since her face wasn't really shown and get him to smash it with the rock ;)

It wasn't that hard to understand and you've captured my attention.
It could've been better but it's something you should be proud of.
The story was kind of hard to relate to because of the characters.My favourite character would be mr.pokok.His story made sense and his acting was convincing.Thanks for adding the subtitles by the way.I'm sure you've learnt alot on this one. You had good coverage.A bit more wouldn't hurt.I've yet to shoot mine so i'll be comin to you next time for some tips hehe. The girls' part was kinda sappy. Maybe I wasn't in the mood for sappiness.

Might I suggest you buy a wide angle lens for your handycam if you're gonna stick to it for some time.Sorry but thats all i can give you right now
*high five*!

what was the best and worst part of the production?

I <3 Kung Pow,
Adam K.

Afiq Deen said...

geli ek... agh agh agh. I must be immuned to his voice because I heard it hundreds of time during the editing process.

oh dang.. spelling mistake. Tak perasan!

Puteri's part was bargaining.

Oh yeah... I see I see.. I know what you mean now. That's why that part looked awkward.

You know what Adam, that WAS actually a melon with a tudung wrapped around it. I cut the smashing part because it was considered too violent for tv.

Thanks a lot Adam for giving me the most contructive feedback! I appreciate it! And shucks, you don't need me for your short. I kinda look up to you so it would be just weird to give you tips.

I <3 Kung Pow too. ; )

Tina J said...

hi afiq, hermm i watched the clips... its kinda ok i guess. the story too susah to paham. be interesting if you do a tv ads. might be cool to start. i cant agree with your 'let people speculate & scratch their heads' part. cant really agree to that excuse, it doesnt happen that way in real life. i knw that award judges at festivals i been to only watch it once and it has to make an impact. good job to start afiq!

Anonymous said...

could not open part 2, u tube said, video is no longer available, betul ke ni afiq, so i decided not to watch part 3, u want a comment from a broadcast person, maybe i ll reserved my comment after i have seen it all.

uncle lan

As said...

i love almost everything in your short film

the way it's been so mysterious
the way it's been so haunted :D
the great view of your vids, the frames, angles etc
the poster (simplicity is always great)
the background musics were so cool!
I love the script
I love the arrangement of each story

you know, bila part acceptance baru faham the overall story..
rupanya 5 staged of death. Bleh relate tu maybe jugak sebab kami di ajar in our class here in Kuantan :D

Thus I think u manage to convey the message at the last line of the vid. Great that u put the stages into a short vid, never think of that!

It's actually require a deep thinking to watch this short vid but I dun think it's too complicated, just nice.

it's not fair if people do critique you like you are a pro, but all the critiques do help to make you a pro later on.

All the best for ur future undertakings, ameen.

Afiq Deen said...

tak tak... ok tu. cuma youtube rosak sekejap rasanya. I cant wait to read your comment. (especially from a broadcast executive)

thanks As.. it's not hard to understand innit? I dont mind being 'critiqued' like a pro. I ignored those who commented negatively but have no background in film, accept puji-pujian like your comment as an encouragement and learn from people who have experience in this field

soraya lah. lagi. said...

afiqqqqq. i dah sampaiii.
jannah eh nama dia. i suka je dia berlakon. masa dia narrate je lah. tak suit the moment. the script. yg part 3 tu. tapi tak apalah. krm slm kat pelakon2 semua. haha. good luck with everything afiq deen.

Dammit said...

Kalau tengok sekali, ramai tak paham(termasuk aku), kalau tengk banyak kali mungkin faham. Macam tengok cite X-files dlu2. Tapi lagi faham kalau bace kotak komen ni, sebab ko explain. hahaha.
ko dah gunekan semua modal(yang sangat kecik) cam kawan2 sbg pelakon, handycam etc sebaiknye.
great effort (termasuk pelakon). Good job!

emma songall said...

the 4 Stage was so good.
really deep in meaning.
i love all the ideas about.
the way you present it also good.
i bet i'll see you soon later with the high quality video.

terus menhasilkan karya2 bermutu.
olahan yang amat pilu tentang kehidupan, hakikatnya kita tetap akan menghadapinya.

Helmi Razali said...

the ending was good, the editing was good. acting, most of them were pretty so-so, although some of them did well. But the movie, is quite draggy. I mean, i literally skipped some parts because i got bored. I also found that some scripts were too out-of-this-world aka too bombastic. You know, like stuff that people don't normally say. This could be just me though

overall, good attempt.

and oh, i kindda like the narrating style.

.fairuzaimi. said...

great. seriously.

it makes u think. i mean, only at the end of the story will u get the idea ure trying to deliver to the err..penonton? haha

but by then, it will just get u sort of wondering what happens next? whats up with this minah? membazir wooo buang trophy? eyh sedap nya tart tu (ok tu lain. haha)

best laa!
haa amek kau. hahak

gud one! :D
looking forward for ur next short film *two thumbs up* (cehh. macam comment belakang dvd. haha)

seriously this is your first?

*aku ingat nak tgk first video je. lepas tu nak study. petang ada test. tapi ter'haunted' la plak. tengok sampai abes. sume salah kau! haha. :P

kiding! ;D

fadz said...

salam, dah tonton selepas direkomen Kak Min dalam entri ulasan Setem. Love it. suka baris ini: "Kalau pokok ada akal dan tahu dia akan kena tebang, dia akan buat apa?".. You are a very sensitive film maker. Sila buat skrip lagi, atau tulis novel.. Lagu dari The Hours? Mohon maklumkan kepada sol-jah, masuk maskara shorties.

Robert said...

great. seriously. it makes u think. i mean, only at the end of the story will u get the idea ure trying to deliver to the err..penonton? haha but by then, it will just get u sort of wondering what happens next? whats up with this minah? membazir wooo buang trophy? eyh sedap nya tart tu (ok tu lain. haha) best laa! haa amek kau. hahak gud one! :D looking forward for ur next short film *two thumbs up* (cehh. macam comment belakang dvd. haha) seriously this is your first? :-/ hebat! :D *aku ingat nak tgk first video je. lepas tu nak study. petang ada test. tapi ter'haunted' la plak. tengok sampai abes. sume salah kau! haha. :P kiding! ;D