i cough when i need to

I'm still angry at myself for some reasons I wish I could specify. But I couldn't. Because in this world of lies, ignorance had taken over the meaning of truth. Truth is only used when it is an advantage. Amidst the killing of tribes in India and Africa, only Iraq got the world's superpower attention. Because they got oil.

There was a time that I believed that there are no such thing as evil people. I just don't think any human with no conscience existed. But they do exist. Blinded by meaningless propaganda and shrouded by provoked fear, they exist because they need to. Because Mr.Bush tell'em that Texas'll get Bombed by Osamas.

I'm still angry at myself because I lost 4 kg in 2 days and suffered a gastric attack. Sure I lost 4 kg but in return, I was medically ill. I hereby would like to thank everybody who'd reminded me that I'd gained weight. Thank you all.

I'm still angry at myself for not being able to dismiss untrue insults (we muslims call'em fitnah) thrown to me by people I'd trusted my whole life with. Because I'm being nice. Because women don't listen. They only do when they get things done their way in the end. So now I'm a manipulative liar who's nice in public but plots murders when I'm alone. So now I'm jahat. So now I'm a penipu. I do believe thay some people had taken Bawang putih Bawang merah too seriously. Seriously.

I'm still angry at myself for not able to pray five times a day. I've been missing Subuh for weeks. But it's a good start this year. I've only started praying regularly since I entered this university.
I'm still angry at myself for having people thinking that I put faults on everybody else for my mistakes even though I dread myself everytime I see the effect of my mistakes taking shape. Why do they even think that? Do I show people that I blame other people when I make a mistake? ntahlah..
I'm still angry at myself for the fact that I am emotionally incapable of forgiving people. I hate this attribute of mine. I have to start forgiving people who had hurt me because you and I know that a lot of people had forgived me for my share of faults.

I'm still angry at myself.