7 reasons to live, by madba
Its Muharram. Or the beginning of Muharram. To start anew is what I'm intending to do. That just now rhymes. Coolness.
Lamenting on my feelings is not new in this blog. I've done it before and I intend to do it again. Heck, this blog had had its highest rating when I bitch about my problems. I have no idea why.
For starters, I'm planning to write and publish a newsletter for IIUM students. I'll call it Weekly Madness by madba. It will be self-sponsored and will revolves around IIUM's lingering quandaries.
I was recently accused of being a money leech. Definition: a person who only makes an effort to make merry only when money is involved. To anyone who thinks I am that sort of person, madba has something to say to you:
1. Afiq is Afiq. The Afiq you know and loved. Afiq do not watch soap operas to fully understand the implication of being subjected into recreational slurs. Afiq has no idea how the very idea of Afiq being a money leech was embargoed.
2. Afiq is trying his best to not be as emotional and impulsive as he was. He is, if not all, trivial about handling personal issues as he thinks that true Love is unperishable. Love is something no one can take away. Love is a feeling of attachement that will remain in deepest pit of the human heart (whether it beats or not)
3. Afiq is not answering any calls because Afiq is afraid to. Afiq is not afraid of being hurt but he is very afraid that the person on the other end of the converstation will. He hates it when his most Beloved cries. Afiq is clueless. He really doesn't know what to do or how to handle such an emotion. Afiq have been crying a few nights in a week, pretending to talk to his most Beloved. Pretending to have a pure, undisturbed connection with his most Beloved.
4. Afiq is in a sense, unready to face the music. He had always been a sensitive person and for that reason alone, people have been taking advantage of him, emotionally and psychologically. He had hardened himself with lies and friends. With food and movies. With work. Because everytime he's hurt by the person he's trying to protect, a lump of love gulped down his throat and disintergrate.
5. Afiq's only wish is his most Beloved will just stop listening to people's voices and start listening to her own heart. Her own feelings. Afiq is awfully afraid to do anymore damage and his fear toppled his courage even more when his most Beloved accuse him of something he had never been in his life.
6. Afiq is becoming more and more confused and afraid. Afiq is becoming more vulnerable. Afiq could possibly blow up any moment now. It must be comforting to know that Afiq will never do drugs or take ectasy pills. He won't even lay a finger on cigarettes! But as his fear grew and his pride dimmed, he had thinked about it. I, madba, his conscience, is worried about his well being and wish that the person Afiq love so much could just let go of his faults and embrace his love as Afiq would dyingly do.
7. Because no matter what happened, Afiq still (and will always) love you the most.