While Browsing Through the Cartoon Section..

I saw myself!

What a pleasant surprise on a mundane Monday. Good exposure is what I need right now. Thank you for your blessings, Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku,

Babi dan Melayu

Melayu benci betul babi. Dan anjing. Kalau ada ada hybrid babi-anjing, mesti ramai yang mula sangka hari kiamat dah dekat.

Malays despise pigs because it is haram. Ask any malays and you fill find out it is extremely rare to find malays who have eaten pork.

Well. I've eaten pork. The first time was when I exchanged bekal with my childhood bestfriend Jason Ng. The second was when a newspaper company pager bought me pau with pork fillings because he forgot that I'm a muslim. The third time was when I was in Bali, the stall owner told me that his Bakso is halal. I ate his bakso for 5 days until I found out that his idea of halal is when the animal is slaughtered. He slaughtered the pigs he used to make his meatballs.

Strangely enough, eating pork is the most revered haram thing to us. Here's a ranking of OUR list of very haram things.

1. Makan Babi.

2. Jaga atau pegang anjing

The rest of haram acts are treated as if they are makruh like:

3. Zina

4. Minum alkohol (perfume beralkohol bolehlah ngok!)

5. Judi

6. Fitnah

7. Rasuah

dan banyak lagi...

This is a very malay thing. We can have sex with our girlfriends, drink at clubs, gossip with our friends, give RM39.40 to the Polis trafik, play sms 4D (check your Metro newspaper) but eating pork? Oh hell no!

Don't you find this revelation weird?

Why do we hate babi so very much that it literally trumps every other sins?

And yet we use the word babi so very often in our conversations like Babilah, gila babi, babi! babi... babi betol! etc.

Kesian babi.

It's Mizz Nina Yo!

Catchy gila lagu ni. Brainworm yang telah bermarkas dalam otak Afiq sejak kebelakangan ini.

Tapi sedih music video buruk.

A Very Important Presentation

I have one more day to prepare the most important presentation this year. On Saturday, I will propose my commercial video idea to a panel of judges and if they accept my proposal, I will able to make the actual commercial video. Out of the five made videos, only one will be selected to be screened on Astro during Merdeka Day. I know what you're thinking: "ARGHHHHHHHH!"

My Projek Merdeka Adik was shortlisted for the presentation but I want to revamp the story to make it more exciting and explosive.

It's a difficult feat because I have to make it 'different' but 'malaysian friendly' at the same time.

I have several ideas but none of them are good enough. Sigh.

Back to work.

International Tickets for Sale

In recent development, I won three tickets to any destination in the world. At first I wanted to bring close family members or friends to Paris but I've decided to sell them so I can buy an...

iMac is the perfect computer to edit and render videos so I can make quality films, documentary and misc. videos in the future.

So now 3 (three) MAS return tickets (economy) are up for auction. Here are MAS's standard price and my price for the following destinations:

KL - Los Angeles - KL : RM5888 > RM4000

KL - Norway - KL : RM11333 > RM5000

KL - Amsterdam - KL : RM4276 > RM3000

KL - Rome - KL : RM4826 > RM3000

KL - Dublin - KL : RM 4328 > RM3000

KL - Frankfurt - KL : RM 4276 > RM3000

KL - Paris - KL : RM 4276 > RM3000

KL - Helsinki - KL : RM 5274 > RM3000

KL - Copenhagen - KL - RM 4945 > RM3000

KL - Brussels - KL : RM 4837 > RM3000

KL - Buenos Aires - KL : RM 6962 > RM4000

.

Details:

1. There are 3 (three) tickets. You can buy 1 (one) to 3 (three) tickets to the same or different destinations at different times.

2. The departure date must be from July to November

3. You must book the tickets (through me) one month before departure.

4. First come first serve basis.

5. The tickets are non-inclusive of airport tax.

Contact:

016 - 289 9681

or

afiqdeen@hotmail.com

Oh Life (A Very Random Blog Entry)

"What are you planning to do with your life?"

"What do you do actually?"

Why do some people ask this question? I don't get it. So I tell them "I make videos."

"You make videos?" They'll frown and start making mental notes.

"I make wedding videos. Kalau ada orang nak kahwin, you know who to call." I smiled.

"What happened to architecture?"

Oh fishsticks! Here we go again... Is it that uncommon for people to abandon their prior commitments and venture out to the mysterious but enticingly enigmatic unknown? Life never goes according to 'plan' so why do people find it weird that it actually doesn't?

You know what I find weird? How can two groups of people living in a same stretch of land, worships the same snack (chocopie), have identical physical and facial features and speaks the same language are STILL sworn enemies to this very day? What am I ranting about? Pick up an english newspaper. Read it.

Country leaders should settle their differences in an isolated island and leave their innocent civilians alone. A Battle Royale format would be apt.

Business is as usual. Clients come and go. They always expect award winning wedding videos from me but akak, abang, wedding videos are wedding videos ok? If I were to write your videos, you will all be zombies in a Lord of the Rings setting. Wedding videos are stuffs of parody.

I want an iMac.

I want to go to London and France.

And sleep. I want to go to sleep too.

Alcoholafiq

MAS's Short Film Competition Winner Announcement

I attended the MAS's Detik-Detik MH Short Film Competition with absolutely zero expectation to win any prize let alone the Grand Prize. Why? Read the blog post below.

The day started like any other. Knowing for sure that I will lose, I prepared the required 2 minutes speech for more than 4 hours. Yelah, kalau tak menang pun, biarlah presentation gempak, baru ada impak.

The only moment when I felt like I had a chance of winning was when I was in the toilet withdrawing last morning's account to prepare for MAS's tea deposit. But even then, I was like "Kalau 2 return tickets to Bali boleh jual berapa ek?" The thought of winning 2nd or 3rd place was still tolerable but never, never first place!

After 11 groups presented their short film, it dawned upon me that my highest peak of the day has arrived. I will now present my 2 minutes speech (which took me 4 hours to prepare). And surely enough, I think my presentation was the best that day. Mission accomplished. Presentation gempak. Thank you architecture. I can start occupying the rest of my time by taking pictures now.

They first annouced the Audience Favourite Award. The Award went to one of the group from Curtin University Sarawak.

Then the second runner up went to Lim Kok Wing's Shams for his documentary in a documentary. I thought he was going to win first prize because his short film is my all time favourite.

The second prize went to Hadi from.... where are you from eh Hadi? He is the pendek-cool-selamba man behind Teh Tarik.

Since my predictions have all gone wrong, I had no clue on the final winner's announcement. I prep-ed the camera, pasang flash, tukar function and then waited for the announcement so I can catch the winner's first response.

"Afiq Deen with Tok Nab's Guest Room."

I knew then that I am genuinely a rabbit boy according to the chinese horoscope. I jumped up and down like it was nobody's business. The rest, as they say, is history.

I won three return tickets to anywhere in the world and my short film will be featured in MAS's in flight movies! Ya Allah, thank you thank you thank you thank you!

(Ye, memang berbaloi tahan doa panjang lagi meleret Imam masjid Subang waktu sembahyang Jumaat tadi)

Afiq Deen on Star's R.AGE

Okay not only me lah, Afiq Deen and four other shortlisted contestants.

You can read our Star's R.AGE piece here.

The winner announcement is on Friday.

I am not going to win anything. How do I know? Let's just say that the organisers gave all the shortlisted contestants different instructions. Don't they know that we are all FaceBook friends so we exchanged maklumat like secret service spies?

But I'm still going to the event to support my own work because I will be presenting Jemput and Tok Nab's Guest Room with the other 11 contestants to the media.

You can't say no to good exposure!

The TV Theme Medley

Fredrik even covered Naruto's theme song! Now I know for sure that Naruto has a huge following in the US.

Busy Writing

I am currently writing a femme fatale short film entitled 'Ahmar'. It is about a disturbed woman's mission to kill a reknowned Ustaz. I'm very much inspired by Park Chan Wook's Sympathy of Lady Vengeance. You could also say that I'm copying his concept but then again, in film nothing is original. Making an original film is like creating a molecule from nothing, which is literally Godly.

I think the most interesting part of the film is that I will kill the Ustaz character in the most sadistic (and ironic) way possible. I know what you're thinking. FUN.

I'm making a strong statement in this film but not in a malicious way. 'Ahmar' will be my debut short film in the Film Festival circuit so I'm making sure it will garner a lot of controversy.

Oh, Fun, fun, fun.

FUN.

I Have A New Guy I Look Up To

And his name is Edmund Yeo. He is a Malaysian filmmaker based in Japan. If you've watched previous shortlisted BMW shorties, he is the man behind The Chicken Rice Mystery.

He is also the producer and editor of Woo Ming Jin's THE ELEPHANT AND THE SEA (2007), WOMAN ON FIRE LOOKS FOR WATER (2009) and THE TIGER FACTORY (2010), which he also co-wrote.

FYI, the The Tiger Factory was selected to be screen in Cannes Film Festival. Hebat gila. You can check out his blog for updates.

I've already decided on my upcoming May-June short film. It has no name/title yet and it is not the short film proposals I published and deleted recently It's not that I don't like the ideas I had earlier. It's just that I have a fixation on femme fatale-type characters and I can't have enough of them. This shortie will be a tribute to my favourite femme fatale films like the Kill Bill movies, Sympathy for Lady Vengeance and Femme Fatale!

It'll be brutal and awesome. Gory and bloody. Disturbing and satisfying. I hope.

Sorting Out My Finance

Financial prudence is something no one ever taught me when was a child. I mostly do my personal financing unconsciously in my head. I thought all is well until a friend of mine got awfully sick and was hospitalised in a public hospital. I went to visit him at the hospital where he shared a small room with a makcik with a broken limb and an insaf-ed Mat Rempit.

Why can't he be treated in a private hospital where it is more comfortable? Common sense: private hospitals are expensive. The only way for him to get admitted into one is when his insurance company covers him. This got me thinking, when I get sick, I want to be admitted into a private hospital, not a dingy room with hissing ceiling fans.

So for the past week, I've been reading up on personal financial planning and taught myself how to record and handle my finance. I also gave myself a Microsoft Excel refreshment course with the help of my Excel-savvy aunt.

I'm only starting but I already feel empowered and prepared. This way, I can keep myself debt-free and eventually be able to afford private healthcare. That is currently my no.1 concern: Healthcare.

I also feel very in control of my life and luck is no more a dependant source of personal reassurance. Plus, I'm a lot stingier, no, thrifty now.

Detik MH Interview

I was one of the five who was called in to the Menara Star for a group interview. It was for the R.Age section, a section dedicated to youths and young adults. This must've been my third newspaper interview but strangely enough, it felt as if it was my first. Nervous gila.

I changed my shirts and pants 6 times before stepping out of the room, only to be bombarded with unwelcomed constructive criticism. After changing for another 3 times and took pictures of my attempts to compare and contrast. My favourite is attempt 3:

but they said it was too 'superhero-ish' so I took off the Brighton tshirt and replaced my black corderoy with a ginger one: attempt 9.

The interview turned out to be... err.. a mess.

Three relatively quiet people + one extremely nervous guy + a talkative 'my this, my that, mine, my, I, I,' Iranian = awkward mess. I think the Iranian was just super excited to be interviewed (or probably had a vision that he'd already won) but I was still thoroughly annoyed. Being the hospitable Malaysians that we are, we let his imposing gesture slide. That, my friend, is what MH is all about.

The photoshoot was like any other photoshoot; awkward, stiff and instruction-starved.

But in the end, everything turned out well. I made friends with some of the finalists and exchanged contacts. They are a bunch of very talented people and I would like to work with them someday. Barbara is an outspoken activist who expresses her dissatisfactions through her work. Amin is a sempoi guy with bulging biceps who has a jealousy-worthy filmmaker IQ. Bryan is a talented cinematographer who can make cow dung look like a piece of art. And then there's the Iranian guy. Sheesh, even my memory of him is annoying.

SAH Jumaat (Syukur Alhamdulillah Harini Jumat)

My uncle AyahNjang posted these pictures on his Facebook wall. I'd to share it with you guys. SAH Jumaat!

Bahasa Englayu

Office orang Ganu

Apek Hamsap

Kalau JAIS ganti Polis

We SHOULD Have Sex Ed Classes In Malaysia

I saw another picture of an abandoned baby today. My initial reaction to this was "Kejinya.." before I paused to ponder. "Kejinya kerajaan kita."

Last week the parliament voted against sex education for schools. And this was after we saw pictures and read news of cases revolving abandoned babies day after day, week after week. When the idea was first introduced, the initial thought that ran through my head was "We don't have sex ed class? Really?"

But then again, I was schooled in private schools. We had student body governments and secret societies. I realised that I was a tad naive to think that all schools are the same but sex ed shouldn't be a priviledge confined to private schools. It should be taught in all schools; sekolah kebangsaan, sekolah jenis, sekolah teknik, sekolah agama and you know, all schools.

I think there is a general misconception about sex ed. A lot of people think sex ed classes are classes where teachers teach their student how to have sex everyweek. If you're on of these people, you are totally wrong.

Miss Gloria was one of my sex ed teachers. She seperated the guys from the girls and held seperate lectures. She entered the classroom smiling like a MILF. "Ooh La La!" was her introduction to this strange and alien lecture. We sniggered.

She taught us about how it is natural to be attracted to the opposite sex and how it also totally normal to think about sex all the time. A good christian kid raised his hand to rebuke "But we can always remove those thoughts by remembering Jesus." Gloria gave him a broad smile and proceeded with a slide show. She showed us the development of the male and female bodies. Some kids gasped. Hypocrits.

Considering her constant MILF-ish smiles and her rather revealing dress, I thought she was going to narrate a sex chapter from a romance novel. To my dissapointment, her lecture was the informative kind. She explained to us the mechanics of sex like penis insertion, orgasm, ejaculation, etc. We've all seen porn videos at some point so her stuff were considered juvenile. But just when I thought I could dismiss the class with a "alah, dah tahu dah.." mental note. She pulled out a condom.

Everyone was giddy. Some even laughed. "This is a condom." She put on gloves, took out the rubber ring and showed it to us like magician revealing the missing card. She told us about safe sex and how we should practice it if we ever have sex. For the first time in my life, I finally understood the gravity of sex. As I looked around, my classmates weren't so excited about sex anymore, as if sex is now suddenly a lethal weapon.

She then told us other aspects of sex like masturbation. "I realise some of you think masturbation is an evil thing, as told by your respective religions but in a scientific point of view, it is a completely healthy activity." That statement pretty much broke the long standing awkwards silence. After that, we were literally gagging her with questions like "How many times can we masturbate a day?" and "When is the perfect time to have sex?"

By the end of the compulsary 1 hour lecture, I didn't think of sex the way I did before. It was no longer a magical and enigmatic subject of interest. I dawned upon me that sex is a serious act with consequences, and not all fun and games as reported by Mr. Google.

My sex ed class experience was a bit liberal to be implemented in all schools but I bet teachers would find techniques most effective to teach their students about sex.

I'm proud to say that since the implementation of sex ed classes, there were no cases of student pregnancies or abortion in my school ever since. Our neighboring public school however had to put up with dozens of young mothers with counselling and parent-teachers interventions. Some students even quit school to become full time mothers to safe themselves from public humiliation. So it's only common sense that we need Sex Ed Classes in Malaysia.

My Tearducts Are Working Again

Cats do not show their emotions as well as dogs. That's why there are not many cat movies. So when some cats actually express their emotions, their gestures are rarely captured on video.

Today is a good day. I got my hair cut. Bought some facial products. Watched American Idol. Checked my e-mail. Stumbled on something so sad it literally made me cringe-cry. I was in a foetal position crying my heart out while a part of me, the clearly defeated sense of pride consoled my whole body to take it easy.

It's a sad sad sad video. If you're home having fun with your friends and family, don't watch lah. If you're alone and looking for some outlet to relieve yourself of today's stress, this video is perfect for you.

I should check out Youtube more often. Good stuff.

Pak Mael

Two weeks ago I drove from KL to Batu Pahat to attend a wedding. I made several stops at R&Rs to buy myself some of those magical and fascinating highway transit food: Maggie's Mashed Potato. How can 150 grams of brown liquid transformed into a cup of delicious mashed potato in a matter of seconds? Spare me the science, I still think it's freakin' magical.

While I was dipping my plastic spoon into the cup of processed potato goodness, I overheard a loud conversation next to me. There were 4 pakciks conversing animatedly like a bunch of old friends. Being the penyibuk that I am, I sat nearer to the table to capture the gist of the conversation.

"Kita bukan apa Samad! Cumanya, orang cina ni dah memang melampau. Kau tahu tak, 80% ekonomi kita dihambat dek cina. Ni ha sekarang ni, si Najib nak tukar DEB, tak ke semakin tertindas orang melayu?"

"Aku tahuuuu. Aku tahu kau suka sangat dengan PKR kau tu tapi kau pun sama, DAP tu pun tujuannya nak menghancurkan orang melayu. Nasib DAP dapat Pulau Pinang je. Kalau Perak masih bawah DAP, kena buang negara Sultan aku rasa macam PAP buat dekat Singapura dulu. Entah mana dah Sultan Singapura tu merempat."

"Kau kena ingat, kita kena bangun lawan kuasa cina sebelum jadi parah orang melayu kita. Kau tengok jelah kita, dah pencen tapi duit pencen seciput aje. Orang cina hah, naik BM, naik Merc. Kita kena bangun! Kita kena lawan!"

"Kau nak kita buat apa ni Mael?" Samad chuckled after seeing Mael's animated expression. "Semangat je nak perjuangkan hak melayu."

"Ha, ni produk kesihatan baru. 100% melayu! Kita buat, kita jual, kita...."

Ceh. Pujuk orang join MLM rupanya. Hampeh punya Pak Mael.

It's funny how malays feel soooo threatened by the chinese. I mean, the chinese contributes a huge bulk in our income tax that fuels this country. In a way, the chinese are supporting their underperforming malay friends. So why should Pak Mael use issues like chinese economy superiority to influence Pak Samad to join a MLM?

He could've just said that the MLM will make him a millionaire in a year to entice Pak Samad. You know how malays react when words like Jutawan, Mudah and Cepat is combined to form a proposition... Mata bersinar-sinar, punggung gatal dan perasaan excited nak bagitahu bini.

The way I see it, malays whine far too much. If they want to gain control of the economy so bad, they should make it a point and start by learning a thing or two about basic finance. We can't expect bigots like Ibrahim Ali to demand control just because we're malays, the rightful 'owners' of this land. You think the chinese will be like "Owh ya, you ARE the rightful owners of this land. Therefore I will surrender my factories, shops and lands to you, the rightful owners of this land. Goodbye and farewell, rightful owners of this land!"

I think we have better luck with 'halal' 4D sms services advertised in Metro newspaper than to expect chinese folks to move back to China and leave all their accumulated wealth here. You know we could just work harder and be smarter to get rich. That, or we could always join Luxor.