I didn't sleep last night thinking how ignorant I've been about my religion, Islam. I have been adopting the so-called-modernized Islam that I've neglected its rules and regulations. My way of life, the way I think and the way I approach Islam. It had always been my religion, not my way of life. Sure I pray, I fast but there is much more about Islam I've neglected because I thought I can't reach success if I fully practice it.
I've been judging and moderating Islam the way I want it to work. I stood up, basking myself on the morning's sun feeling ashame of what I'd done since puberty.
Surely, there is more than Islam than praying 5 times a day and attending the Friday prayer. Much much more than that. There is more than Islam than covering my aurah. There is more than Islam than its proclamation on my ID card. There is so much more.
I've been praying five times a day, reading Al-Fatihah which I have no I idea what it means. It was only out of habit. I didn't know what I'd memorized and read in the Quran. I have no idea what I'd recite while reading the Yassin in a congregation. Imagine that, I'd been mumbling a foreign language in which I failed to understand for the past 10 years. Truly, I am ashamed.
My intentions or niah had always been materialistic: to be successful and rich, to own an expensive house, to have other people to respect me. What have I contribute to my way of life? to my giver? Have I ever planned to help the ummah?
I have to rethink on how I should proceed with life. On the intentions in which I will spend my heart and soul on. On my life goals. I really have to rethink everything. To go to the roots of everything. I must prevail in this intention. I must.