I wonder...

I don't need narratives for you to understand what I had felt.

Three and a half year ago, I remembered being in love with a girl that had caught my attention in the canteen when she first arrived. We write letters in discreet and on our fifth letter, she decided that she will give it to me by her male classmate to avoid unwanted commotion. And when she did, this fellow classmate read the letter and spread it among his friends. We later found out about the 'leak' and she had blamed me for spreading her letter. What started as a curious misdemenour became a controversial serial drama, five times a week.

The malay guy who spread the letter then threatened me that unless I apologize for accusing him, he will bring his 'gang' from his kampong to beat me up and he did so in a friendly tone, a very customary tone for serious discussion that are usually opted by malays. I refused and he paraded his threat to the whole school, reeling unwanted attention from teachers.

I didn't sleep well for a week and my appetite shrunk. On the day I had to face him and his gang, I ate a full breakfast, dressed up neatly, wore my favourite white underwear and equipped myself with the heaviest watch I have. I salam-ed my mother, got out from the car and walked to school like a mannequin, my limbs were hard as wood.

On the afternoon, the time I would face the wrath of this short, odour-smelling, hatred-filled peer, I did what I usually do. Library. Lunch. A commotion streaked the school yard. I didn't care much. Not then. I followed a few students to the back of the school and saw the malay guy surrounded by my classmates.

"Where's your fucking gang, huh?" Michael yelled, yakuza style~~~, supported by a reverberation of "Woi-s". "So you think you can simply beat up one of us and get the fucking away with it, issit.." JD shrieked. The malay boy, gang-less and speech-less, resisted but was finally intimidated and kept quiet during the whole ordeal. I was there to witness how friendship extends to this level.

And after the brief 'reconsiliation' female classmates poured their relentless empathy and in a day or two, I fully recovered.

The spirit of brotherhood then was so knitted that it made me ponder of the importance of friendship. Many used it to gain something, whether immediately or in the long run, some use it to feed their pride or sympathy. Some just wants companionship. But alas, the word friend-ship itself is an indication of the nature of the word.

It depart, sail and sink in one piece.


lubna said...

At least if it sinks in one piece, its an abrupt, less painless end rather than sinking like the Titanic, which broke into 2 first before going down. A gradual disintegration of a friendship is harder to deal with.

But enough.

It doesn't do good to dwell on the past, but rather take stock of the people you DO have in your life, while memories should serve as reminders. Wounds will heal, but scars should remain.


Ps-Dude, great song selection. Very 1930's. Or it could be the 40's. Either way, you get the picture.


cekmi said...

frenship, for me, is something i must value. it comes with lotsa memories. sweet and pain. but, most of the time, they remain unatttached and fading away. like a sinking ship. it hurts.

btw, i like ur stories. so gangster-like. not bad ar?