Worried

It's June today. I'm rather surprised that I'm actually worried that I'll be 21 soon.

Life offers journeys not destinations.

When I read Aida's life recap, I was inspired to write my own but I simply could not. It is not the pain that shrouds it but the resentment of myself. I've many regrets, regrets that had now become lifelong lessons. All I can say is my life is a blessing simply because my journey is not over yet. I might die tomorrow afternoon or tonight but for this moment, the contentment of living is just so great, greater than grilled cheese. Or Kyros Kebab fries. So no, I won't complain.

Just a few days ago I questioned my destiny and how I will turn out one day. Today I realize that what I will turn out someday is nothing more than an insult for not living my destiny today. Today is my destiny just like tomorrow will be my tomorrow's destiny. I can stretch a plan spanning a few months and still not learn anything, only to learn an invaluable lesson in a single second after the failed plan. I wish god allows me to learn every single second. I want to learn every single second. I need to learn every single second.

This is not a revelation, nothing of that sort but a temporary high of smoking a cheap 7 ringgit cigarette I bought at 7 Eleven.

I'm getting even more boring by the day, calmer and a tad saner. It is not that I'm a boring person but seeking excitement does not make sense anymore. Because like any other kind of seeking, I will eventually find nothing but the journey that presented itself during the seeking period. So why have it spanned for a set time. I just don't see the reason to be not pumped up for something just because it is not exciting. Everything is exciting. So why get excited? I can just seek excitement everyday until the day I die and when I do, only then can I recap my life.

So be it. When I die, I want a laptop with internet connection in my coffin.