Inheritance of Loss?

We human are creatures of habit. I'd only realized the truth of this after my morning shower. I'd muffed my face with the towel for a full minute before drying my legs, followed by an effective back scrubbing. And the finale: the towel knot-tying. This procedure has been going on for a decade or so.

We'd also inherited some of our parents' habit. I apparently inherited my Umi's never-dying principle, my Bapak's sense of self-doubt and my Ayah's onion-like planning. It's scary sometimes; knowing that these bits of habits that had made them suffer from time to time will be passed on to me. Will I have to go through difficulties brewed my their personalities? Will I have to get divorced a couple of times, self-doubt myself to a point where I question my religion and plan my own downfall under the assumption that Life is plannable?

I studied my habits and traits and planned out a regime that will untilize all these habits effectively so these traits will co-exist with one another and under best circumstances, turn them into gold, only to realized that I'm already using all three of these prominent habits. I'm self-doubting my incoming downfall, I'm planning to gradually improvise my habits, under the core principle of my future assurance of Personal Satisfaction. A vacuum in another vacuum.

The only solution that could help me overcome this dilemma is a provision by the unknown. By a higher power. Through meditation.

By simply praying.

1 comment:

Syazwina Saw said...

Gue ngerti amat.

So thank you for being that which I am not brave enough to be:

Unashamedly honest.