Afiq Tengah Emo


What does it take for me to get an internship? I just don't get it. I just don't fucking get it.

I'm tired of courting with ad agencies, sending dozens of resumes, sending in expensive portfolios and argh..! Can't you tell? I'm in a very bad mood today.

Everyone wants me to grab whatever is in front of me and run with it but I want more, something that is almost out of my reach. That's why I abandoned architecture and decided to take up advertising. But after months of trying to get in, I found myself in the same spot as I was when I first started. It is as if I was running in circles. I'm so frustrated with myself. I have to achieve more to show them I'm bloody fucking talented! I may not come from a rich family and have powerful connections but I am hardworking, passionate and fuming with eternal rage.

It's just so hard..! I'm only human. Forgive me for showing my weakness for a few minutes. I know I have to work harder, fuck off. I know I have to do more, don't tell me 'What are you waiting for!'
I need a shoulder to cry on that's all. Everyone thinks I'm strong and have a bright future, as if I was given a silver spoon from the get go. I fooled a lot of people, I know. I have a bankrupt mother and a father who retired early from the police force. I'm not priviledged so yes, to a certain extent, I am strong. Don't be fooled with my english. Not all english speaking malays are well off. I am a sad charity case. I live in my aunts' houses, not being able to afford to rent my own. This is a case for many people my age but they settled for less. I want more. But more is fucking hard to get. It's achievable but as I wallow in my misery, it seems like a continent away.

Emo is my word for today. I'm very emo today. With a life so stagnant and unproductive like mine, I can't help it. Let me be.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

hmm.. i know it's tough (cos i actually went thru wat u r going thru right now).

and you will not realise it now,
but in e future, you will actually feel grateful that all these firms rejected you.

you are actually rejected becos u r just 'unsuitable'. not because u r not good enough, or no experience or etc.

they just feel that you are suited somewhere else. -which is true in my case when i think about it now.

i don't know.
i hope it helps..
but just don't lose hope, have faith..,
and fate plays a very big part in this case.

because if u keep trying, u just leave e rest to fate.

hugs.

datin seri syaripah noli said...

The thing is, you don't need powerful connections, and a rich family to be successful afiq.

All you need now is patience and tawakal to God ok!

He know what's good for you and there's always a silver lining!

Stay strong dear!

Syaa said...

cheer up okay...
keep on going~

dOuble[A] said...

don't give up afiq!
keep on moving..keep climbing..lalala
erkk..

arlina said...

EVEN EINSTEIN GOT REJECTED! believe in fate, you'll feel better

sharman said...

don't give up... its a tough battle out there, but think of the end, where u want to be... don't give up, and you'll get what u want.

what's life without setbacks?

(nothingness) said...

better to try and fail, then to regret never trying.

perhaps it is not the right time. or perhaps the road that lies ahead for you is an unconventional one. not everyone who goes into an ad agency will end becoming creative directors, right?

Afiq Deen said...

Thanks ibs.

Sorry. A moment of weakness. Everyone has one of those once in a while yeah?

I know being rich and well connected is not the only factor to success. But it is a factor, a pretty dominant one at that because we're living in a wealthy second generation age. The disparity of knowledge and opportunity is quite apparent. And I'm also surrounded by people who is 'somewhere' because he/she is related to 'someone' so I can't help the notion.

To be a creative director, I HAVE to work in an Ad agency. A creative director is someone who direct ads.

I'm staying positive about this. I'm a firm believer of 'If you really want something, go get it and you will or die trying.'

Like I said, it was a moment of weakness. Blue doesn't suit me.

datin seri syaripah noli said...

channel all your emoness to create a superb emo advertising ad and send em to them :P

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acip said...

babe, u knw wut...
smtimes u hv 2accept life juz as it should b...
i'm so freaking adore ur work n ur ideology..
so dat means u r talented...
juz go for it...
u bwt ape yg u ske n u will b happy...
money is nt evrythg..
me myself pown bkn frm a very fine fmly but i believe in myself...
so apa yg perlu is ur spirit!!!

:p

(nothingness) said...

uhm. i do know what a creative director is.

Afiq Deen said...

My family or personal disadvantages do not define who i am as a person. I forget that sometimes. Even my aspirations do not define who i am as a person.

No need to be offended, i thought it was a question. If it is, no, you can be an accountant or a pr person in ad agency. I love to solve problems through creative means so becoming a CD would b a dream come true for me. Or rather, dream personafied.

RITZ CHEWAN said...

Have a kit kat...

(nothingness) said...

not offended.

i guess i'll end it at that. i've pretty much said what i wanted to say, and it's left to you to read into it.

anyway, it is your future after all :)

Anonymous said...

later n later vely much F word la afiq!. Shiro!!!

Gune la freakin ke.. Friggin ke..
Bukankah itu lebih baik drpd F word yg membawa maksud dotdotdot..hahaha.

No matter..
Don't loose it..

fndrocka said...

i thought u are rich, arent u?

Afiq Deen said...

okay. will stop cursing.

seriously, I'm not. I just read a lot of books. where did u get that idea?

Anonymous said...

Afiqsays = Afiq deen?. Hmm??? Im referring to Afiqsays.. Paragraph 1,3 and 4..

Dolu2. 1 2 jer..

Glad if he listens. Kalau lah kan. huhuhu.

Afiq Deen said...

yes. afiqsays is written by afiq deen.