Happy Father's Day Y'all

I grew up with these cartoon characters. I watched the irresponsible Homer Simpson sacrificed his life(having an eye popped out) to save his son, Bart from being attacked from a herd of moose. Goofy tried everything to reconcile with Max; got through an emotional journey to see Max's favourite star's concert. Dexter's dad saved Dester from being destroyed by a vicious monster.. heh

Watching them was fun, as I was more impressionable then but today, it only serves as a tear shedder.

I never had a dad. I never had a 'father figure'. I DO have a biological father and a stepfather but none of them are my father. Seeing the goofy Goofy trying his best to impress Max will set my eyes to 'flush mode' and I regret every moment of doing so. "Stupid Afiq!" I would say to myself. "You don't have a father, so why bother?"

~My throat hardened, my stomach stoned, my movements rigid~

I have to face the truth: my Bapak had left me when I was 11. The truth hurts so much. So so so much. I was a rebelious bump back then, during my years of adolescence; with tantrums, having fantasies of leading a better life with my father's presence. But all is gone and lost. I do have a Bapak, not a father.

I was lost, confused and having no father figure, I developed many strange traits. He left me be, when I needed him.

If he didn't leave me then, I really would want to tell him about my first fight in school, my first girlfriend. I want to ask him what kind of deodarant I should be using. I want him to teach me how to play football. I want him to mingle with my friend's fathers. I want him to scold me when I did terribly in my math. I want him to give me the silent treatment when we're having a communication breakdown. I want him to be there every afternoon, eating lunch along side me. I want him to send me to school so we could talk about absalutely 'nothing'. I want him to see me play football. I want him to play footbal together. *tears*

It's like regretting of not watching your favourite football team's most important match LIVE. Sure you can watch the recorded match, but is it the same as watching the real match? And in comparison, is it the same as watching the live match, I mean actually being there in the stadium?

But again, all is lost and done.

So to all of you who still have your fathers, cherish this day; cherish them, your ayah, your bapak, your abah, your daddy, your papa, your walid.. your everything..

My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me

and then

Spin me around 'til I fell asleep

Then up the stairs he would carry me

And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him

I'd play a song that would never, ever end

How I'd love, love, love

To dance with my father again





J said...

This entry makes me feel like breaking into a shed of tear or two.

Especially with the background song!

I miss my dad. He's in another country for the time-being. :(


Chemistry Grad said...

i'll do everything i can to put u two back together. u and urself, u and umi..

i dont wanna live this life alone. i want u to walk with me along and..*ow shit* i'm crying..

i'll do anything for u to walk with me with umi. we forget our past and recreate a new life.

umi i need u..help me!

afiq said...

owh, don't be a dramaqueen.. there's nothing wrong with me and my mom. What's wrong is parading these personal bits of me to the public

kid said...

ye la..ape2 la pak cik afiq deen..

mm..anyway, the title pak cik tak kene with ur name, dato' afiq deen? tan sri afiq deen? Sir afiq deen?

tan sri afiq deen sounds better la. hahaha~~

sorry exaggerating things, gosh, girl's so emo sometimes..

umimax said...

Hi deary umison afiq, as umi have told u event has a reason, u do have a father n maybe not perfect but all father n mother are also learning coz u umi sons n daughters are difference of character. Umi have tried umi best to be both but again football, hmmm hmmm makan kacang n lompat bila goal boleh lah. Love u n b seing u monday. Take care. Kita dinner (umi pakai tie OK konon2 father apecam.

afiq said...

umi's comment really helped. I'm so proud to have a mother like umi. so so so proud..

Kay said...

i nvr knew how it felt to hv a dad, and it was a hard thing for me to deal with when i was younger. well God has taken him to a better life, before he even witness the day of my birth.

but im so so thankful to have been blessed with such an amazing and beautiful mother. she IS my dad as well as my mum, and i can nvr thank her enough for making my life feel so complete.

Just so u know that you're not alone.:)

afiq said...

i know... ur dad was taken away by god whereas mine took himself away

FarahMexx said...

Sadness T_T I know.

I've never been thru all these, and I dunno what to say. I feel sorry for whatever happened to u back then. Really I do.

theres always a reason for what happened in this world u know. The pasts can never be changed. So all you can do is, to make sure it won't happen again in the future.

..and cherish everything u have now.

Live Life to the Fullest!


zazu said...

thank you for the beautiful post..be strong k?alah..nak main football nanti panggil kiteorang..we`ll sepak2 bola..but we'll never go near of being the next veron or something.. :)

afiq said...

thanks syaz...

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