I grew up with these cartoon characters. I watched the irresponsible Homer Simpson sacrificed his life(having an eye popped out) to save his son, Bart from being attacked from a herd of moose. Goofy tried everything to reconcile with Max; got through an emotional journey to see Max's favourite star's concert. Dexter's dad saved Dester from being destroyed by a vicious monster.. heh
Watching them was fun, as I was more impressionable then but today, it only serves as a tear shedder.
I never had a dad. I never had a 'father figure'. I DO have a biological father and a stepfather but none of them are my father. Seeing the goofy Goofy trying his best to impress Max will set my eyes to 'flush mode' and I regret every moment of doing so. "Stupid Afiq!" I would say to myself. "You don't have a father, so why bother?"
~My throat hardened, my stomach stoned, my movements rigid~
I have to face the truth: my Bapak had left me when I was 11. The truth hurts so much. So so so much. I was a rebelious bump back then, during my years of adolescence; with tantrums, having fantasies of leading a better life with my father's presence. But all is gone and lost. I do have a Bapak, not a father.
I was lost, confused and having no father figure, I developed many strange traits. He left me be, when I needed him.
If he didn't leave me then, I really would want to tell him about my first fight in school, my first girlfriend. I want to ask him what kind of deodarant I should be using. I want him to teach me how to play football. I want him to mingle with my friend's fathers. I want him to scold me when I did terribly in my math. I want him to give me the silent treatment when we're having a communication breakdown. I want him to be there every afternoon, eating lunch along side me. I want him to send me to school so we could talk about absalutely 'nothing'. I want him to see me play football. I want him to play footbal together. *tears*
It's like regretting of not watching your favourite football team's most important match LIVE. Sure you can watch the recorded match, but is it the same as watching the real match? And in comparison, is it the same as watching the live match, I mean actually being there in the stadium?
But again, all is lost and done.
So to all of you who still have your fathers, cherish this day; cherish them, your ayah, your bapak, your abah, your daddy, your papa, your walid.. your everything..
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again