Last Night

I spent most of yesterday's night thinking (and crying). Her scent haunted my 3 hours sleep and her absence filled it with sorrow. I searched everywhere. I contacted everyone I know. I followed her trails, trying to find the other end of the rope that once connected us.

It's a journey of spiralling emotions. It started with absence, followed by panic and fear and after an hour of searching, loss. And then pain. Pain that struck every once in a while, unexpectedly and without warning. Pain bred by confusion, love and the concoction of both. Pain brought by unattached familiarity and expected bliss. Pain brought by pain that brings pain. Pain.

At first, tears streamed down my cheeks without me consenting it. The body knows what the mind knows not. Like the mind, it knows love and hate but it is oblivious to their form of clothing: denial. I strolled along her trail again deep into the morning and found not a ray of hope but a brooding sun that whines and sighs in exhaustion.

I went back to my room and dwelled upon possibilities, another form of denial in disguised of an non-existing phase of the act of unravelling. As I lie on my back planning my next plan, memories of her flashed by like a storm. Her last look, her last word, her last spewing of emotions was all painted in indifference. I looked back and realized that her loss is somehow intended by her conscience and consented by my actions. My tears stopped streaming and my heart beats louder.

The body knows what the mind knows not.

My body thinks that hope is neither a miracle nor a god-given ray of light. It is within myself. It is a form of the absence of love. It is not hatred. But the pursuit of love.

Help me out guys!



She wears a blue collar and respond by meowing when her name is called: Shasha


syima said...

i'm your no.1 fan woot2!!!

kaoru said...

OMG just after reading a few lines of this post I knew that Shasha was gone. Seriously hope u find em.

Anonymous said...

tny kat abng baju biru,dorg suke tangkap kucing buang kat pasar borong!

Anonymous said...

Afiq...i know how u feel..i share ur sadness..what i can do is..just pray that u ll find her soon..i pray hard

Umi Qazrina

King said...

ntah laa... sajer singgah je ni..

saya said...

Oh no.. oh no.. not shasha.. u MUST FIND HER!!!!.. it an order.

Ah Peng said...

Oh my God !

She was in my Bak Kut Teh last night !

I am so sorry Afiq ...

( she's delicious though )

soleil_m said...

i know what u feel =(
hope u'll find her back

lubna said...

Hope you'll find her safe and well soon!

Miss Aida said...

Good luck.

Apparently cats always find their way home. Here's to hoping the truth of that.