Cisum is Music backwards. So is Nasyid.

I was browsing through my classical music collection and decided to make proper playlists by similar mood and 'feel'.

They are all different for your information. Classical music range from the middle age to the era of avantgarde. My personal favourite is Scarlatti and Vivaldi and sometimes Beethoven. Scarlatti's flow of emotion is more realistic unlike Mozart's bombastic piercing octave, sakit telinga-sakit otak. Vivaldi is immensely festive. You may even heard his Primavera in a lot of movies with grand ball settings.

And I was suddenly struck by a piece composed by Scarlatti and was sang by Cecilia Bartoli. It caught me off guard. When Mentre Lo Godo finished, my eyes became dams of monsoon tears. Aiseh. It's like listening to a mourning Sundanese song. Music truly trascends cultural borders. How can we live without it?

Can't wait to go to the My Chemical Romance concert! Woohooo!

Eyeliner, check!

Emo fringe, check!

Tight fitting tees, errrr.. pass.

Damn it

I miss Hadi and Aful.

I don't miss people easily. It is not my lack of empathy. It's just me. My life has never been constant. Like any other policemens' children, we'll move from one school to another every year and yeah, the divorce had me going places I'd never imagined. Those collective childhood experiences had somehow taught me an unlikely lesson; to avoid being attached with anything (or anyone)

Once I was enrolled in IIU, I met another guy who had a strangely similar childhood story and slowly, throughout a stretch of 4 years studying architecture, we became close friends. We'll probably never admit to this but we share almost everything that happened in our lives in subtle conversations on a daily basis, 5 minutes min, 2 hours max.

We consulted future plans and schemes with each other and shared interests, knowing deep inside we're going to follow our own paths in a few years time and will somehow rendevous back to our common ground, our quirky conversations. He has a monotonous voice that shows no emotions whatsoever. I have a shrieky voice that conjures up every bit of drama in everything. It'll be like a relatively quiet script rehersal of a relatively boring sketch: the King and the Jester. The jester that comes up with weird illogical ideas and the king who makes sense of it.

This entry isn't suppose to be about that guy, damn it.

It's about me.

It was supposed to be about me.

Oh yeah, you know what? Yesterday I woke up shouting 'Hit it Fergie'. Hahah. All in a day's quirk and loco-loco.

Hey Now

I made dinner today. Pasta. The carbonara sauce was pink in colour. Eeeeek.

Hmmm.... I remembered commenting on Syazwina's opinion on the BERSIH demonstration. I also remembered she'd written something about the French Revolution. The French revolution was not as smooth as described in our SPM history textbook. They were thousand of short trials and beheading sparked by Robespierre and was ended by the beheadings of Maximilian Robespierre himself.

It wasn't pretty.

England, Russia and Austria took advantage of france's situation and if it wasn't for Napoleon, the country will not even exist today.

Demonstrations and protests can only be made possible if there is understanding of ethical reception by all parties. The protesters has to understand that it is their civil duty to behave and protest peacefully. Protesters must also understand that their protest should not be of any interest of other political parties. They should diminish protesters who has mafia or underground affiliation. Only then can their purpose for protesting be vindicated.

The government has got to learn how to goddamn listen. They will not do so if the protest has people like Anwar Ibrahim and Harun Din in it. Common sense people, common sense. Kick these highrollers off the marching field. You don't need no leader. You are a leader of your own problem and together with people with the same problem, you are simply adding voices to your call for justice. Anwar Ibrahim has no problem with the justice system before, not until he was kicked out by Tun.

Funny la some of you, still rooting for his sorry ass. Get the story straight guys. Do this for ourselves, not for the old fart.

We've got a long way to go until we can march down Jalan TAR without getting hosed down to the undies. We need to get civilized first. We still have that third world mentality, honestly.I mean, just look at our public toilets.

I hate writing entries like this. Because it's a waste of time. Because I won't gain anything from it. Because I'm already so fucking civilized. Because I said so.

Saiful dah tinggi?

Happy 14th Birthday Aful!!!!!!

Happy 14th birthday, Saiful Deen. As part of the Deen mamak clan, you are officially a Deen! Don't afraid to take risk and make mistakes because you'll learn from them. Why, the most precious god-given treasure are mistakes because they are Life reminders.

Pray and be a good muslim. Do not pray because it is habitual but to become a better person after each prayer. Pray not because other people force you to but because you are thankful to Allah Almighty.

As your bigger brother, I have to admit I am not perfect and I have my own demons. We all have our demons and the only way to deal with them is by confronting them. You have decades ahead and use each and every minute of your spare time gaining life knowledge. When you get older and taller (hopefully lah) you will realize that relationships is all about give and take. Nobody is always correct. We all have our own flaws and the only way to tolerate these flaws is to simply forgive and forget.

Strive in your studies for no other reason than to serve Allah SWT. Be successful for no other reason than to serve the Ummah. You will be truly happy if you strife for these two rules.

I love you more than I love my cat Tigger and Shasha, more than Nasi Kandar and Mutton Curry.

Happy birthday!

Live like you'll die tomorrow.

Seek knowledge like you'll live forever

Here's Jonas Brothers. Alah... band yang nak tiru Busted tuh.. Yes yes.. Joseph Jonas looks a bit like me.. heheh...

Rock On

I'm so busy designing calendars, cards, etc etc that I find reading more therapeutic than blogging. I'm currently reading Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. It's a real story of an australian fugitive who hopped from one country to another including India. My next novel will be Such a Long Journey by Rohnton Minstry.

Indian writers or writers who'd basked themselves into the intricate Indian culture usually writes explicitly and beautifully. My first Indian novel, The God of Small Things defined beauty. My second Indian novel, The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai, daughter of Anita Desai defined Loss. Unlike american or britsh writers, Indian writers define the intricate nature of a story. They Define.

Coool Gileer.

Since my days are becoming even more hectic than university life, I'm having trouble sleeping at night and out a whim, I'd found out that rock songs are my lullaby. My personal favourite is INXS with the new addition of JD Fortune and Jared Leto's 30 Second to Mars. I guess rock songs are my anxiety pills. Haha.

Are these songs UnIslamic? Hahah. I don't think so. Most rock songs are not about sex and drugs but more on personal reflection and undealt emotions. Say what you want, but Nasyids are lame. I'm not conditioned to think this but today's nasyid is a sample of musical complacency. Period.

Useless

BERSIH.

Maybe they should have applied their affliation to the condition of the roads after they rallied.

It's good that Malaysians are beginning to speak out regarding flaws of the current administration. But should they really hit the road?

It's not our culture.

Or is it? Was it?

It doesn't matter though, demonstrations and rallies are great ways for people to express their dissatisfaction but sadly, the BERSIH rally was in my opinion, useless.

It's embarassing really, to plea for the King's help, only to be lashed back by the King himself. Now where to go lah?

Hah?

Thinking back, it wasn't so useless, they had free mineral water, got a free public shower service from the FRU and worked out a hell of a sweat. They'd all came back home cleaner and a tad healthier.

AND free t-shirt.

Yippeeee, sign me up next time. It'll be our rendition of a Malaysian Mardi Gras.

Perjuangan Yang Belum Selesai

Sesungguhnya
tidak ada yang lebih menyayat
dari melihat bangsaku dijajah
Tidak ada yang lebih menyedihkan
dari membiarkan bangsaku dihina

Air mata tiada ertinya
sejarah silam tiada maknanya
sekiranya bangsa tercinta terpinggir
dipersenda dan dilupakan

Bukan kecil langkah wira bangsa
para pejuang kemerdekaan
bagi menegakkan kemulian
dan darjat bangsa
Selangkah bererti mara
mengharung sejuta dugaan

Biarkan bertatih
asalkan langkah itu yakin dan cermat
bagi memastikan negara merdeka
dan bangsa terpelihara
Air mata sengsara
mengiringi setiap langkah bapa-bapa kita

Tugas kita bukan kecil
kerana mengisi kemerdekaan
lebih sukar dari
bermandi keringat dan darah menuntutnya

Lagi pula apalah ertinya kemerdekaan
kalau bangsaku asyik mengia dan menidakkan,
mengangguk dan membenarkan,
kerana sekalipun banggakan negara
kerana makmur dan mewahnya,
bangsaku masih melata
dan meminta-minta di negara sendiri

Bukan kecil tugas kita
meneruskan perjuangan kemerdekaan kita
kerana rupanya selain kemerdekaan,
mengisi kemerdekaan itu jauh lebih sengsara

Bangsaku bukan kecil hati dan jiwanya
bukankah sejak zaman berzaman
mereka menjadi pelaut, pengembara
malah penakluk terkemuka?
Bukankah mereka sudah mengembangkan sayap,
menjadi pedagang dan peniaga
selain menjadi ulama dan ilmuwan terbilang?

Bukankah bangsaku pernah mengharung
samudera menjajah dunia yang tak dikenal
Bukankah mereka pernah menjadi wira serantau
yang tidak mengenal erti takut dan kematian?

Di manakah silapnya hingga bangsaku
berasa begitu kecil dan rendah diri?
Apakah angkara penjajahan?
Lalu bangsaku mulai
melupakan kegemilangan silam
dan sejarah gemilang membina empayar?

Tugas kita belum selesai rupanya
bagi memartabatkan dan memuliakan bangsa
kerana hanya bangsa yang berjaya
akan sentiasa dihormati

Rupanya masih jauh dan berliku jalan kita
bukan sekadar memerdeka dan mengisinya
tetapi mengangkat darjat dan kemulian
buat selama-lamanya

Hari ini, jalan ini pasti berliku
kerana masa depan belum tentu menjanjikan
syurga
bagi mereka yang lemah dan mudah kecewa

Perjuangan kita belum selesai
kerana hanya yang cekal dan tabah
dapat membina mercu tanda
bangsanya yang berjaya


Dr. Mahathir Mohamad
-4th of May 1996

Holy days

Aaaah... I just love holidays.. Don't we all?

A perfect holiday is when the duration is about two weeks. One week is too short for comfort. Three weeks or more will get me itching for work. Two weeks = just nice.

A perfect holiday would also mean me going around Malaysia -ranger- style. Heheh. I love being a nomad in Malaysia. Taking buses, trains, motorcycle hikes or just walk around aimlessly. Not all who wanders are lost. Being Malaysians, we often take for granted of our own historical and natural splendours. Wandering around town or kampung alone will get you rediscover the distinctive beauty of God's creation. The bustling town, the asap hitam bus, the golden Buddha statue, the air terjun, the nyonya, the trishaw mamak and oh yes, the FOOD.

A perfect holiday is when I carry around my camera, a sketchbook, a drawing pen and a writing pen.

A perfect holiday is when I officially OFF my handphone, a liberating feat I tell you.

A perfect holiday would have me scheming to make money.

A perfect holiday starts today.

Random Stuff

It has been a while since I posted pictures in my blog. So here are four random photos I took last year. There is something familiar with all four photo, something. I just can't point out the similarity, but I'm sure it's there.

Char Keow Teow
Balai Negeri

Best Perut Masak Lemak in the World

The King of Lame Mini Cars

Marmalade? Strawberry? I prefer Traffic Jam...

I heard there were some kind of march went on today. There were policemen everywhere. And by everywhere I do mean Everywhere. There were a pair at the MRR2 exit, another pair at a LRT station, a whole unit at KLCC and dozens more on the road, which sparks a question; how can there be an enormous amount of police force sprouting from all corners of KL within a day?

Amazing I tell you.

It is as if they were brought here from all over Malaysia, just to regulate the BERSIH march. My commute to KLCC today was different than usual. There were more Kelantanese, more people with kopiahs and oh yes I'm saying it; more kampung people. By personal definition of kampung people, I mean no harm when I categorize old (35-50) malay folks with worn out tees, slacks and selipar jepun. And when I refer to the term kampung people, I really mean poor KL folks.

Because there ain't no Kampung 'ere in KL (except Kampung Bharu lah), so to speak.

The march, like any other rally including international ones like OIC and the likes only mean two things to most KL-ites: road closures and raids.

I know I am being an ass-wipe sceptic when I ask; do these people marching really know why exactly they're doing so? Were they paid to march? Were there an agreement stating an advance or even a chance to get contracts or tenders if they march? What exactly is the source of momentum to these sort of march? Is it 'I am unhappy that my family is poor and the government is responsible for my misfortune'?

Funny. If that is so, if the government is so unjust, shouldn't there be heaps of Indians and Chinese marching down the alleys at Brickfields or Bukit Bintang?

What exactly is the problem here; The government or them? Or both?

Here, here.

I am no fan of UMNO. Nor am I of Keadilan and the likes. I'm just saying... to change the nation, we have to first change ourselves.

A Storm is Coming

"I am prepared to fight and die for my cause,"

"I, as a natural selector, will eliminate all who I see unfit, disgraces of human race and failures of natural selection."

Those were the words of a Finnish teenager who'd killed 7 children and a teacher. He posted the intended massacre on Youtube hours before the actual massacre.

Speaking of which, there is a storm coming in the middle east once again. US had already began to rally its troops to Iran and wage another oil-driven war. Iran, unlike Iraq has powerful allies.

Backed by Russians and maybe China, it is able to defend itseld, and if not, inflict a little damage to the US.

The war will probably start next year, and no Presidential Candidates can rule out the war, because it was pre-determined by big-wigs who rules the American Economy.

Another war is coming. We will blah blah about it. Blah blah on the news. Blah blah on newspapers. Blah blah to the eventual deaths of millions.

What are we going to do Pak Lah? Send Iranian troops veggies?

The Crush II

You know the crush I had a few years back? (Read my last last year entry la)

I think I may have a crush on him again. I hate it too, it's not right but the more I resist feeling anything, the more I envelop myself with unrealistic ideas.

I am just too porcelain to feel anything right now. There are so many things that remains quizzical to me, so many complicated emotions. Betrayal, ignorance, indifference, anger, revenge, etc. Those emotions are distinctive but when they fused, now that's a different story altogether.

Either way, I cannot but help but to feel helpless for those who are entraped by their own delusion of their preferred Life Story. I am antipathic to those who are enraged by their own doings. I am sceptical to those who proudly proclaim themselves sceptics. I am becoming more confused with my emotional reactions to others. When I turn to God, He'll do the usual and ask me to seek the answer myself. Yes, God do not give answers. He provides them. We have to look for them ourselves. Get that straight, you so called 'Fundamentalists'!

Haikal Haikal, why are you doing this to me? More importantly, why am I doing this to myself? I just can't help feeling the way I do. But yet again, physical actions is triumphant over sinful mental imaging. Ngahahah.

Patient, you have to be. Answers, you have to look. Sleep, you have to go.

Thank you Yoda.

Welcome, you are.