Boys in White



Ahh, tengok tu Timah, sejuk hati aku tengok bebudak tahfiz ni. Kan bagus kalau anak aku pun hafiz, mana tahu boleh selamatkan aku dari api neraka. Yelah Timah, kiter ni tak tentu lagi masuk syurga, ye tak?

Don't laugh. I used to be a tahfiz student for two years and had memorized 8 juzuk of the Quran. It was one of the most unforgettable life experience of mine, a piece of timeline I cherish secretly.

I was 11 when I stepped into IQKL in Taman Tun. Prior to my parents' divorce, I was sent there so I won't experience the debris of a failing marriage. I was greeted by a smiling Kelantanese ustaz and was lead into a typical bedroom with 10 stacked mattresses and a cupboard with 10 square slots. Here I am, a pampered first child who always had his room for himself and I had to share a room similar to mine with 9 others! My first tahfiz experience was having my head shaved! I haven't had my head shaved since I was an infant and the sensation of being botak is surreal! So very real! It is suffice to say that all my experiences there ends with exclaimation marks. Dum dum...

Baths were taken outside in the open where a big children swimming pool size kolah was constructed. We will usually wear a kain kemban/pelikat to take our bath. I remembered clearly during my first bath, I was fully clothed, much to the amusement of the Ustazs. I was then taught how to eat properly. We ate in dulang, with 4 students per dulang. So whoever dapat makan dengan Johan (the Jordan fat kid) will have to have eat quickly as he is capable of finishing the whole dulang in a few minutes. No entree. No dessert. Just plain water to wash down the clogged nasi campur (tulah makan cepat sangat) (nak buat macam mana, Afiq makan dengan Johan!)

Recitations of the Quran were done everyday. The hafazan session will start at night from Isyak to 11 and by the end of every night all 90 of us will shout:

"Who's the Best? We are!" three times. We will then sing Asma ulhusna and a heartwreanching Arabic song (it sounded so sad eventhough I didn't understood it that much) and a word or two from the head ustaz. (it usually about skin infection epidemies or our very dirty laundry)

The next recitation starts after Subuh where all of us have to present our memorized ayat to the ustaz. Torture. Many were rottaned without mercy. The ustaz didn't hit us on our hands or legs or buttocks systematically (salah=rotan) but it was done instinctively. Bila ustaz raser nak hantam dier hantam lah, biler dier pukul sikit nasibla. The sound of the three feet rotan with rubber band covered tip onto our spread of jubah is like when my neighbour hit his carpet with his badminton racket. I was spared from the massacre of course. My skin is too fair and effects of beating would be visible, that is what the ustaz told me. I knew later that the real reason I was spared was because they were scared of my father who was a policeman in Bukit Aman.

After breakfast, we would have to recite a whole juzuk again and again sampai pening and after zuhur, another 3 hour recitation. And then, freedom! Gasing. Main selipar. Yoyo. Male version of Zero Point. Football. Badminton. Perang perang. Amar chasing me with a parang. I hid in the toilet. (I accidentally struck a gasing onto his eyes, berdarah!)

And during weekends we will EXPLORE. We would go hiking at Sungai Pencala to re-examine traces of the Al-Aqram HQ and sometimes get ourselves brainfreeze after an hour walk to Seven Eleven. And occasionally, we were escorted to One Utama, only to sit at a corner of a coffee shop and watch scantily dressed mallgoers strutting their boobs and ass. Pure Bliss. We were young, holy and very horny.

It was when I was in Tahfiz that I learned about the concept of Sex, thanks to Anwar Ibrahim. "Liwat tu ape?" I asked a much older hafiz. "Liwat tu laki jolok bontot laki." he answered without any sense of discretion. "Jolok ngan ape?" He opened his pants. I was shocked to see a gigantic 11th finger with curly hair all over it. Nightmares for weeks, I tell you. My curiosity for sex crusade began to flourish but I did not fully understand the concept of sexual relationship just yet. Just feelings one gets when aroused. Well the Islamic institution didn't help. I had caught some of my seniors group masturbating late at night, saw my sleeping neighbour fondling his sleeping neighbour and sometimes I caught a few glimpse of my ustaz teasing and molesting his students in his room through a dusty window. But never liwat. Liwat kan Haram.

As Hafizs, we were priviledged in the sense that we get free exclusive dinners sponsored by the rich and famous and free tour to recreational outings. We were like merchants of peace, travelling in two busses. Lolling heads with multi-coloured serban for the world to see. We wore white jubah most of the time which was a bit uncomfortable because when you get a boner, semua orang boleh nampak. A no-no would be getting a boner when praying subuh in the mosque. It'll be like a well-kaffaned rodent rising from the dead. (I WAS only 11)

Then it happened. I was beatened into a pulp. After two years of mutual understanding with the ustazs (you hit me-I tell bapak-you go to jail) the ustaz thought that I deserved to be beaten like everybody else. That was it. I told my mother that the holidays were coming, packed my belongings and dissapeared from the institute, without notice.

36 comments:

Roti Kacang Merah said...

phew. Reading this is like watching "Osama". Pretty surreal.

raihan said...

God,sungguh sangat gerun,lah baca this blog post.
:0
btw, i live in ttdi and i know where IQKL situated.

(nothingness) said...

you were beaten for a boner. LOL. it's not that anyone sees it when you pray

afiq said...

nono, we were never beaten for geting a boner during prayers. We were holy mascots of Islam, so have to act like one la... mcm tu la lebey kurang. Don't ask me more question regarding boners, so malu...

najia said...

i live in ttdi as well. i've always thot IQKL was a place for prestigious kids. i can't believe ustazs molest the students. how could they get away with this?

mirul said...

i was from a super duper holy school too, and my head prefect (which from thanawi 4) got kicked by students form 5 in the science stream, because he fucked a boy.

and he was the one telling me listening to radio is haram, he was the imam all the time etc etc.

sigh there's no end what the holiness can turn into.

(nothingness) said...

I'm from TTDi as well. no idea what's IQKL though. (i'm definitely nowhere near holy)

afiq said...

AH... there's not the point. DO NOT GENERALIZE ppl... Human are human. We make mistakes. Even massengers of God made mistakes lagi2 kita.

I'm a tad bit dissapointed at your guys' view on holiness. You, who refused to be judged think its justified to justify others'(especially when they are religious). Be reasonable. Be tolerant. Be logical. Be a Muslim.

I never regretted my decision to join the institute. It was one of the most cherished experience of mine it is the reason why I question Muslims all the time. I never questioned Islam. Just the ppl who are Muslims.

I want to know which part of the religion did they understand to justify their actions. And if so, how to affect change through revision.

You naive lil kids.. CUba tanya your dad whether he is BETUL2 loyal to your mom. Go on.. haha.

What goes around comes around baby! I used to loathed Kelantan ppl, skarang, I'm in love with a Kelantanese girl.

God works in weird ways~

Nono Fara said...

haha.. by reading this entry, it makes me laugh to the max! what a funny experience heh afiq?

you are rite afiq, we shouldnt question Islam but we can and should ask the Muslims whether they implement Islam betol2 ke tak... And if we wanna ask them, do ask with wisdom.. Bukan belagak pandai.. but stil nobody is perfect, i know that.

I hate one makcik at the IIU centre yang buat service gunting rambut to sisters (yg ade jamu2 tuh). i went there just to ask her whether ade tak hair treatment cus i wanna perm my hair. bukan nak fashion2 but i wanna it looks nice and canteks and sihat as well since mine mmg dah ikal ponnnn. guess what, she ceramah me instead of answering my question. siap with 3 surah you know.. babi to her! *i'm mad when i thought of her* hahah..

what i'm tryna say here is that, if you wanna tegur ppl, biarla realistic. she said haram mengubah2 kejadian Allah. what the hell of mengubah-ubah is that? i wanna have a treatment okayyyyyy! mane tau murah keee compare to kat luar.

nak kate alim, pakai je baju fit2 and tudung nampak sportlights.. dah la baju color merah!!!!! kan tu "tabaruj" namenyerrr klu pakai bju color terang2... tak keeee? gila!

and since i dah extremely mad i just say thanks la and i told her that i usually go to the saloon kawan my mum. dah biase buat takde masalah jerrr.. and kawan my mum tu Muslim jer, ok jer..

i know, haram is haram. thing will considered as haram when it is merosakkan you or you tak bersyukur. BUT... but since the mujtahids haven't made a consensus agreement on whether it's halal/haram then....we cant say anythin in the mean time coz, it is a big sin to say what's halal as haram, n vice versa...

huh.. sorry if tak ade kene mengena.. heee

moslem girl said...

nice story!:) before this i always always wonder..what do these hafiz[es] do in their school..recite qoran all the time or do normal stuff just like other people and just spend some extra time at nite reciting and hafal the qoran...and u've answered that thru this entry hihi

I went to matriculation for a while and there was this hafiz..and he could actually memorise the whole biology text, books, or anything that has to do with it without much effort..and they told me that its because of the training in the institute..and some said because he's otak n hati terjaga~hehehe.i heard he got perfect score for biology paper which is very very very super weird

do u manage to gain that specialty?:D

afiq said...

Nurfarahshila,

Don't you just hate holier than thou people. I mean, the prophet didn't bring his gang to Makkah and condescendingly mock other ppl's religion. He advises ppl with the softest and most courteous voice. Baru lembut hati orang ye tak?

Mmg tak masuk topic tapi masuk topic comment. No one can judge us but Allah. We can only advise ppl with the purest intention. Capiche?

MoslemGirl,

I dont have the supermemory ability like your friend. In terms of memorizing, I am actually the slowest of em' all... hehe. But I learned how to focus for a long period of time, prolonging concentration. I mean I focused on the holy book for 10 hours lebih.. lagilah kalau buku teks for 3 to 4 hours.

But the problem is there must be no distraction and the ambience must be just right. I'm not trying to brag but lecturers had complimented me for being able to absorb historical facts and translate them into a clear storyline. It's called sense-sync. From memorization to understanding and I can do that really quick.

Rizqi Mukhriz said...

My feelin’ mixed up altogether. but still manage to smell fallacies around here, but I agree to disagree..becareful wif your frank discloser, you must be accountable for all that..since you directly mention the school…bit tarnished but justified if it is true.

missnadira said...

kudos afiq! another big hit..hehe.anyway just asking in case u've heard or read about..i was in a motivational talk one day, then there's this senior shares his experiencela n die ade sebut psl difference btween good student and poor student for guys n girl.he said the gab between the girls are bigger than guys..means kalau guys, if they poor in studies pun xjauh beza with the good ones.but for girls the gabs are much much bigger..means kalau brillian tu brilliant betul kalau teruk tu teruk habis.but he didn't mention the reason.cos he said its not proper for him to discuss it openly as bcos he's a guy.so driven by curiosity, i texted him.but he didnt replied.so i just tot maybe u have any idea about it..

afiq said...

no fallacies, just notion of not liking to be judged. I say it as it is and if you don't like it, whatever can I do to convince you... I'm accountable for whatever written but not for whatever happened.

dyaz,

that's a whole difffffffferent chapter altogether. Interesting jugak. (if I'm a girl?)

I'm all for equality of rights, but not of nature and responsibilities. (just so you know)

afiq said...

I didn't conclude anything... i have a feeling that muqreez is somewhat errr idealistic about the world of Hafizs..

Miss Aida said...

That's a very interesting insight. I always maintain that no one should be judged from their appearances. Life is just like that, each moment is filled with choices, and each moment can lead to good or otherwise. At the end of the day I suppose God will judge you for your own actions.

kuku man said...

put a better version of this at

I am Muslim blogspot....

It is a good story :D

lil ms d said...

keep on writing! tried emailing you but it bounced. my kid sis went through something weird too... something like this...

afiq said...

woho,

tell me about it... I want to know...

Anonymous said...

Salam Afiq,

I was searching for info on IQKL and came across your bloq site...can I ask you a big favour as my son also Afiq is rather interested to join IQKL. Could please tell me truthfully are these info given is the truth and nothing but the truth as I read somewhere here that some of your entries are partially fictional and exagerated. Could you please tell me whether all happenings in IQKL here are the truth. At least I can guide him in his decision..

Thank you in advance. May Allah bless you for your help.

elisha farah said...

wow!when was that??

honestly,i'm studying there this year...(f2 2008).your whatever they-call-it-blogger is very nice,funny,and ganas lah.right now it is not like that.they have no obligations in memorizing coz the student will hafal- niat of 'takut kene rotan'.but anybody who did not read out to their ustaz can feel by themselves that they arent doing their job as hafiz's.right now its a good school.and hehe

i like your blog anyway, those funny parts...
i love it sooo much with the new system.its a must-try-school!!

afiq mls nk register said...

I went to IQKL's alumni dinner and visited IQKL. Nostalgia gila.

Oh yes, the system has changed a lot since i was there. The Ustazs are more professional and knowledgable when it comes to raising young adults.

The students are more laind back and unlike those days, there were no more ragging or anything like that so don't worrylah, they're fully equipped with academic teachers so they won't miss out any school requirements

Anonymous said...

Salam Afiq,

I searched the web for more info on IQKL & came upon your blog post. (I plan to send my son there next year) OMG!!! After reading the post & comments, I had completely mixed feelings about the whole thing!! (My stomach is twisted just thinking about it.

I always thought that hafiz/ah are 'priveledged' people...meaning that they are totally 'sinless' (except for the small ones) coz kalau x, nanti x boleh hafal quran or they'll forget all the hafazan. but after reading your post...about ustaz-cum-molester, i guess...no one is excluded from dugaan...(but i still can't believe that an ustaz/hafiz would do something like that???!!!! Bukan ke tu berdosa besar??? macam mana boleh hafal quran tuh??

Anyway, i thought I'm being a good mom for giving my son the opportunity to be the 'CHOSEN ONE', but now i'm totally confused!!! After knowing all these, what mother will 'serah'kan anak kat ustaz durjana tu??? Hmmmm susah nya nak buat baik...niat dah ada tapiii...

Adam M.A said...

90 horny boys and no gurls to look at..

what do you expect?

Anonymous said...

its a norm situation happened to every students who stayed in hostel. Behind closed doors, during lights off. Its a thing well known but never spoken.

Regardless if its islamic or non islamic institution , the situation are the same.

however it does not happen to all the kids.some of them are spared.If they are not sexually harrassed, then they probably are harrased physically by their peers or seniors.The bad looking ones usually end up becoming crook or book worms.

the student with attractive features,cute and have a feminin feature,petit,flawless fair skin etc. would for sure become a target.an object of desires.They usually face tough times in adapting to a place where boys were growing up and starting to expose their sexual desires.

i was a victim. told my dad about it.and begged him in tears to change my school coz i couldn't deal being molested by horny boys coming through my dormitory doors when they were horny.But my dad asked me to keep it together for him, for the family since its not easy getting in the 'prestigious school'. so to save his name. i obeyed.

it was a horrifying experience at first,but later i adapted to the life there and managed to blend in easily once i 'embraced' the sinful culture.

Its the only way,afterall, i was tired of spent time my nights sleeping in surau, or hiding in toilets. Sleeping in prefect room does not make any difference, since they too, took advantage of me.

Sad. but its the painful truth.

for parents: if you have the time and money for your kids, and your kids are at their best when staying under one roof with you,then its best for them to stay with you safe, at your home.Dont send them away.

hidayat said...

A great experience.... i hope i had one like this.... :(

hidayat said...

A great experience.... i hope i had one like this.... :(

Jajadomaq said...

Assalamualaikum,

Hohoho... Ok, so I cannot help myself but to enlarged the picture and trying to figure out dalam gambar sapa la ustaz yang durjana tu! (tu gambar betul kan? Mana Afiq?)

Anyway, tak perlu heran atau drop your jaws dengan posting ni... I really do believed that everything that had happened behind mana2 religious institutions (dari kesah melancap sampai ke citer ustaz molesting anak murid) mmg did happened. Sama jer macam kat mana2 sekolah yg ada asrama....

My husband ckp, masa time dia kat asrama pun, geng2 yg budak2 pompuan panggil 'geng ustaz' (geng baiklah tu and menjadi idaman aweks2 kat sekolah kerana mempunyai ciri2 bakal suami yg soleh)pun melancap & melucah ....

I asked him, U melancap & melucah tak? Dgn selamba, Of course lah! tak remaja lelaki yg normal la kalau tak melancap! hohohohoho...

Sorry, kuar topic pulak dah.....

Anonymous said...

Salam, Afiq.
Thanks for sharing a few things about IQKL.. but frankly your nasty experience was years ago and I believed IQKL has changed so much up to now. I have a son there and God-willing, will be sending all my children there.
Dear Afiq, I hope & pray that you would kindly remove some of the negative remarks on IQKL especially about ****** which is greatly embarassing the tahfiz community generally and IQKL specifically. I do not know how true is your story but sad to say, people will looking forward for all negative stories on group of people that striving for Islam & Quran. Pity the naive & pure generation that studying tahfiz in the name of Allah, but at the same they carries the `negative remarks'that you`claim right' until end of their life. It's not fair Afiq, really not fair. Have a good day & Allah bless you.

Afiq Deen said...

I'm sure they've changed. Believe what you want.

I hope this blog entry will make institutions like IQKL be more careful when handling children so with that in mind, sorry but no, I won't impose selective cencorship on this particular blog entry.

Badminton Rules said...

Thank you very much for sharing this post!:) Keep it up.

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Dewi Zawati said...

Ya Allah

shawana soffian said...

Assalamualaikum afiq ,
Just want to state that i was once an iqkl student and i finished my studies there bout two years ago . a lot time has passed since you last wrote this entry and a lot has changed , so i really want you to take down this entry as this brings shame not to iqkl only but to entire hafizs . dont you know the consequences when you posted this ? People will have not only negative specualations about iqkl students , but also to all ustazs and ustazahs out there . im sorry that you met bad ustazs and seniors in your time as an iqkl student , but believe me . they were gone . and the new principal (( pn azimah , i bet you know her if you were really an iqkl student )) made lots of differents there . why bringing up the past of a school ? Worse , you even mentioned iqkl . cant you just censored the name . you never finished your studies there , and i did . and as far as i know , we never came upon what you experienced . things has changed . so i would really apreciate it if you bring down this entry

shawana soffian said...

Assalamualaikum afiq ,
Just want to state that i was once an iqkl student and i finished my studies there bout two years ago . a lot time has passed since you last wrote this entry and a lot has changed , so i really want you to take down this entry as this brings shame not to iqkl only but to entire hafizs . dont you know the consequences when you posted this ? People will have not only negative specualations about iqkl students , but also to all ustazs and ustazahs out there . im sorry that you met bad ustazs and seniors in your time as an iqkl student , but believe me . they were gone . and the new principal (( pn azimah , i bet you know her if you were really an iqkl student )) made lots of differents there . why bringing up the past of a school ? Worse , you even mentioned iqkl . cant you just censored the name . you never finished your studies there , and i did . and as far as i know , we never came upon what you experienced . things has changed . so i would really apreciate it if you bring down this entry

Unknown said...

I am a student at IQKL