Jealousy plays a large role in my life. After 23 years of living, I realize that although jealousy perks me up to work harder, I will also work for all the wrong reason. In a nutshell, jealousy in an emotional steroid, it makes me grow in tremendous speed but I will suffer complications later in life.
I grew up being compared to peers who are smarter, more courteous, more this and more that, so much so that being compared to plays an integral part of identifying my self worth. I know that my mother's intention is good, she wants me to be better, better than this person or that person. I then grew up with that state of mind and to this day, I am forever comparing myself with people that I think is more successful than me. Ingrained or not, I hate feeling this way. No one is comparing me with anyone else but I am. I am.
People like Justin Bieber adds on to my frustration. Age is also becoming an issue. It's all about wanting to achieve this by this age or I'll better off dead. This is a very messed up way of thinking but this is how I think. No matter how I try to avoid comparing and envying other people's success, I will be naturally obsessed with certain people and their capabilities.
It's sick. I know.
I want this to stop. I want to hardwire my brain into thinking that I should be the person that I am and go through life with a pace that I'm comfortable with. But How?