Annoying Malaysian Drivers


1. Makcik. Anyone can be a Makcik. Yes, even you, you 40 something old man! Makcik is a driver who hesitates everytime he/she makes a turn or changes lane. It seems like a simple right turn to Lorong Perda is consequential to the Makcik's upcoming future. "Will I find Mr Right along this lorong or will I fall into a larger than life manhole and die? Think think think..."

2. Tailgater. I was driving a Kancil on the left lane when a lorry appeared from the highway. The traffic light was red so I stopped but the lorry kept nudging forward and got so damn close to the Kancil. I'm on the left lane lah macha... Wadehel! (assuming the lorry driver is indian. I know. So damn racist) When I got closer to the traffic light, the lorry accelerated and braked when it is a few centimeters away from the Kancil. Ba alif ba ya punya tailgater!

3. Akak. Akak has something in common with Makcik. Both of them are big time hesitators but Akak hesitates because he/she is either on the phone or texting 'abg, hunny lupa beli kerret so abg belikn kt kedai ahseng tu ; p' Akak is more dangerous than Makcik because they are easily frightened. Once they realise that a lorry is beside them after they finished sms-ing, they will lose control for a few seconds before regaining their composure. What if you're in the car on the other lane? Tak ke mampos tu?

4. Anak Datuk. Young teenagers in expensive cars who thinks their bapak owns the road. Know your anak Datuk: They are equipped with cool shades, wears un-ironed designer T-shirts and RM1280.99 flip flops. It's hard to detect them because they look like any other scruffy teenagers wearing RM10 pasar malam flip flops. They are the ones that mysteriously appear from behind when you're trying to overtake a vehicle. They will flash their lights and when you rush to the left lane, they will do something that makes you boil like a pot of cooked maggie; they will smirk.

5. Keling. You don't have to be indian to be a Keling, really. Keling is a term used to describe a driver who drives a small car but drive as though they're driving a merc or a lorry. They will tekan minyak their tiara/kancil/kenari/whathaveyou as if they're chasing after a villain (you can see their cars trembling like mad) They are also very dramatic in their car. If you're too slow to give way, they'll glare at you like you'd just slept with their wife. The only thing missing when a Keling is driving are claps of thunder.

6. Lebai. Lebai are drivers who wears an attire that makes them look religious like serban, jubah etc but drive like satans.

7. Chris and RiRi. Fighting couples are not only dangerous drivers, they are also potentially fatal. The root of their problems could be anything, from smell of new perfume to a rolling gossip. If you're driving behind them, you will see RiRi doing all the shouting and Chris will appear stoned with his hands surgically attached to the steering wheel. RiRi will quiet down and say something final in a sarcastic whisper that pierces through Chris's heart like "You're small down under anyway.." or "At least he rocked my boat till it sinks.." At this moment, you might want to find an excuse to park beside the road because an accident will soon commence.

8. Frat Party. You know how it is when a group of undergrads takes on the road. With their amounting egos at stake, even an innocent overtaking can trigger a mentos-coke reaction. It is best to smile at them or better, give them a 'best' gesture. These simple gestures will have a reverse effect on them (if you ignore them, they will think they've won over you.) and they will think of their mothers or their upcoming exams.

9. Ah Long. Aeroback spoiler: check. Dragon sticker: check. Spiky blonde hair: check. Shades with sharp edges: check. An Ah Long is driving. Give the shark some space to roam. Oh look a police car! Sharks becomes anchovies (ikan bilis).

10. Penangites. They are the embodiment of all the mentioned types of drivers. Their kiasu attitude and impatience is strictly a Penang thing. Pay them no heed because they don't give a rat's ass anyway. It's their way of life. You can't force a malay to work harder or a chinese to take a shower in the morning or an indian to stop embellishing. It's how they are, that's all.

10 comments:

RITZ CHEWAN said...

Penangites, agreed! orang (roll your "r's" please) Penang pun kutuk Penang drivers...

The signature is driving while leaning on the driver door while peeping to see the car ahead of the car in front of you. A throwback habit to the dual carriage (satu pergi satu balik) roads. A habit formed went Penang did not yet have Hi-ways.

The trick is to plot your car in between the car in front and the car beyond it. Make the leap before the front car starts moving.

Or better overtake 5 cars at a go...

RITZ CHEWAN said...

afiQ, you left out Terengganu drivers... those who come out of a corner right in front of you... instead of speeding up they slow down...

sHiKa said...

A-G-R-E-E! i who is not a penangite was terrified while driving there. u forget one thing though..they park wherever they intend to.. -_-"

>ritz: had that experience too in terengganu. if penang drivers are reckless, terengganus are ridiculous. maybe they have to revise the 'when should we stay on the right lane' manual.

i prefer kl drivers.

Afiq Deen said...

But penangites are rather descent drivers when they drive outside penang. They toned it down a notch.

You should've seen Sabahan drivers. Punyalah slow but they drive on the left lane so not so annoying.

art said...

another one..MRTCFD = Mentally Retarded Tudung Clad Female Driver..

Syaa said...

i like this post lots..it made my day frm shitty-thinking-crying like mad to laugh-all-of-sudden. thanks!

datin seri syaripah noli said...

you forgot semenyih drivers...they are the lowest of the lowest type of drivers! they should be ban from driving. No signal, no break, no nothing. As if it is their jalan!

epul said...

How bout Shah Alam drivers?I hate them especially at Section 2, where they simply ignore the traffic light, extremely dangerous for the pedestrian...

Afiq Deen said...

maybe because they have so many traffic lights at Shah Alam and the roads are unoccupied most of the time.

RITZ CHEWAN said...

Is there such thing as "Terengganese"? (I better check this with Awang Goneng or Pokku Bustamann, hmmm).

Ok-lar to all you Trengganuans, stop the hate mail already... All Gnu's are Good Gnu's especially when they're on the Gary Gnu Show...

Sheeesh...