After lunch at Tok's, I decided to survey camera batteries at a nearby shopping complex. I parked my car in front of Sports Toto and spotted a typical Lebai (with serban and kain pelikat) exiting the premise with tickets. I shook my head and walked pass him like a breeze. What I felt inside me however was no breeze. It was a brewing purple cloud with piercing thunder barely penetrating the thick swirls of fury.
This purple cloud, this deep hatred towards displays of Islam-related oxymoronic behaviours had plague me for much of my life. It made me avoid anything deemed as Islamic, prompting me to explore Islam on my own. This is why I took it upon myself to blatantly disregard anything considered Islamic even though I secretly obliged Islam's jurisprudence and customs. This is why I avoided mosques and prefer praying stealthily.
I wasn't being contrary for the sake of it. I was just, you know, torn apart.
Islam was the source of my mother's vindication that scarred my youth. Her bad choices that affected the whole family was all, according to her, a prescribed 'Ad-Deen' way of life.
Islam was written on the badge of my tahfiz jubah I wore when I saw my Ustaz comparing his penis to one of my friend's before taking 'measurements' for a new outfit.
Islam was the excuse used for fellow students who kicked a dying man who fell down from the 2nd floor after he was caught having sex with male student.
Islam, Islam, Islam.
I know. I know Islam played no part in the deterioration of the human condition nor did it assist the devastation caused by it's very name. I know. I do find it funny how I was exposed to a large dosage of muslims' hypocrisy even before I fully embrace Islam. Maybe that's why I think my Islam and their Islam is different.
My Islam wants me to be patient, caring, driven, tactful, critical, innovative and progressive and their Islam wants them to be impatient, caring, complacent, hysterical, critical, ignorant and defensive.
My Islam wants me to learn about life's many mysteries and live my life the best way possible.
Their Islam wants them to learn about Islam and live their life for Islam, in the name of Islam.
I have my religion, and you have yours.
But once in a while I see and meet people who practice Islam the way my Islam taught me how to. People like Yvonne Ridley, Yasmin Ahmad, Lubna, Baba Ali, Outlandish etc. Simple folks who live their life with their Islam.
If all muslims are more like them, I would gladly go to mosques and join congregations. I would be more than happy to hear khutbahs about healthy eating and exercise.
If only, eh?
This purple cloud, this deep hatred towards displays of Islam-related oxymoronic behaviours had plague me for much of my life. It made me avoid anything deemed as Islamic, prompting me to explore Islam on my own. This is why I took it upon myself to blatantly disregard anything considered Islamic even though I secretly obliged Islam's jurisprudence and customs. This is why I avoided mosques and prefer praying stealthily.
I wasn't being contrary for the sake of it. I was just, you know, torn apart.
Islam was the source of my mother's vindication that scarred my youth. Her bad choices that affected the whole family was all, according to her, a prescribed 'Ad-Deen' way of life.
Islam was written on the badge of my tahfiz jubah I wore when I saw my Ustaz comparing his penis to one of my friend's before taking 'measurements' for a new outfit.
Islam was the excuse used for fellow students who kicked a dying man who fell down from the 2nd floor after he was caught having sex with male student.
Islam, Islam, Islam.
I know. I know Islam played no part in the deterioration of the human condition nor did it assist the devastation caused by it's very name. I know. I do find it funny how I was exposed to a large dosage of muslims' hypocrisy even before I fully embrace Islam. Maybe that's why I think my Islam and their Islam is different.
My Islam wants me to be patient, caring, driven, tactful, critical, innovative and progressive and their Islam wants them to be impatient, caring, complacent, hysterical, critical, ignorant and defensive.
My Islam wants me to learn about life's many mysteries and live my life the best way possible.
Their Islam wants them to learn about Islam and live their life for Islam, in the name of Islam.
I have my religion, and you have yours.
But once in a while I see and meet people who practice Islam the way my Islam taught me how to. People like Yvonne Ridley, Yasmin Ahmad, Lubna, Baba Ali, Outlandish etc. Simple folks who live their life with their Islam.
If all muslims are more like them, I would gladly go to mosques and join congregations. I would be more than happy to hear khutbahs about healthy eating and exercise.
If only, eh?
16 comments:
so ur islam is about "eating" and "exercise"!!!
Kan... If only!
Yeah... if only.
Anonymous bodo.
i like lubnaa alot.;)
Assalamualaikum,
I live among people that you think islamic people that opposite from you.. i find a new view from you. but if only you see from this side of view, how would you see from others side too. You love to know mysterious of life, then seek first the beauty of Applying Islam as the way of life.. Be friend with them first before you make yourself apart from going to mosque for example.
i am also a teenage as you but it only that we see from different side, but i am glad to read this article as i know you opinion.. besides, what ever we think, we still talk about islam, our religion, be free to hear others opinion too. Hope you happy enjoying your life, and try to go to mosque, not because of the people inside it, but because of ALLAH..
Happy always... May Allah Bless you..
You are talking about some Muslims who did not practice Islam's teachings.
So, what's your trauma actually? It was never about the religion.
You are so jaded.
somehow i like this entry :)
Oh Hafizah, trust me, there is no seperation between 'me' and 'them'. I am them.
Hamba Allah, I know.
A bit presumptuous for me to take your comment seriously, thinkpositively.
Yasmin Ahmad was a khunsa and she chose to be a woman.
Yeah, funny how Islam is divided by the Muslims' behaviour when Islam itself is supposed to be one. It is the Muslim who divides Islam as they wish and it is the Muslim who declare many ridiculous limitations which are most of the time of an illogical thing to be accepted by our "common sense", up until people can label Islam as a religion of irony.
Nice post by the way~
And yes, if Islam is all about wearing Jubah and Topi Haji but his mouth swears most of the time because of the long queue in public places, then hey, that is when their Islam is different than mine.
The problem with you Afiq is the misfortune of being born a Muslim. While Islam was a great religion but that was a few centuries ago.
So that is why you are in this quandary. How to enjoy this, do that when your parents are still tied up with the past.
They indoctrinate you from small with the arabic and fearful hell. So grow up traumatised and hating your own father mother etc those who circumcised your penis when you were still not aware.
And now you miss your foreskin etc..etc.
But at the same time you re lucky. Now is the age of the internet and all that arabic injunction against aurat is kapoosh. You can watch a pussy from russia, a pussy from filipina from arabia with a push of button.
So life is not bad. The lebai is smart. He got some respectability from some people and he get to indulge with probability. Life is a probability. What is the probability of you being born a girl or boy. 50%. Being born an english man ...thats not too difficult for a mathematician to calculate.
So go ahead. build your own Islam and why not your own religion too hehehe.
Hey Probability. Any shortcoming that will happen to you. Just consider Allah wants you to watch your language.ok. We don't negative people like you. You make the best typical Malay parent who said "eleh.. berubah.. 2 minggu je". "Semangat je". Seriously.
We are in the air of someone changing here. Aleh2, if he come to conclusion it is wrong. He'll write something about it too (and probably better interpret than anyone else). And you said those words?.MasyAllah..
salam writer..
y not u yang jadi org2 g masjid, n then buat pekara2 baik mcm mn yang disyariatkan Islam..
sbb u dah tau yang mana btol yg mana x btol..
writer dear,
Islam itu satu dan syumul..
x boleh kalo u cakap my islam, ur Islam..
prob nya skang ni, yang memburukkan islam tu adalah orang islam tu sendiri sampaikan orang nampak islam ni mcm agama yg x senonoh..espesyeli musuh2 islam..
so, jgn la kita compare diri kita dgn org islam yg x senonoh..
nnt kita akan rasa cukup dgn apa amalan yg ada pada kita..
tp cuba kita compare diri kita dgn org islam yg beribu kali lebih baik..
pasti kita akan merasai betapa indahnya islam itu..
betapa maluna kita sbb kurangnya amalan..
harapnya lepas ni x de lg persepsi my islam, ur islam..sbb islam kita x ada bezanya..
Anonymous, mcm mana Afiq nak pergi masjid. Apa yang dia bincangkan adalah lebih fundamental lagi.
soal sekularisme. soal mengkompartmenkan ugama dan peribadi.
Bagaimana mahu ke masjid jika tiada apa yang relevan dgn cara hidup sekarang.
Itu yang asasnya. Kerana takutkan neraka maka budak2 seperti Afiq masih memikirkan dirinya islam sedangkan banyak perkara yang ditegah oleh islam dilakukan sekarang.
Seperti mengambil gambar hidup. Membina patung2. Memakai seluar jeans. Menyanyi, bermain muzik rock, yuna, indie muzik, pergaulan bebas lelaki perempuan melalui facebook dan blogs etc.
Ini masalah gaya hidup moden dan ugama arab. Pertembungan antara takut dan seronok ini yang membuat pemuda pemudi Melayu trauma dan membenci Melayu sedangkan Melayu adalah bangsa. Dan soal genetik yang tidak boleh diubah.
Yasmin Ahmad etc semua pelopor gaya hidup alternatif dan cara mereka mengutuk orang Melayu yang fanatik ugama adalah melalui filem yang menunjukan hipokrasi dan impossibiliti hidup ala arab.
Islam ala Yasmin Ahmad lebih disenangi oleh pemuda/i Melayu dari Islam ala Al Qaeda.
well anonymous ii, does the word 'katak dibwh tempurung comes into your mind' when you said "Menyanyi, bermain muzik rock, yuna, indie muzik, pergaulan bebas lelaki perempuan melalui facebook dan blogs?"..ok, part music tu maybe debatable. Check ulama' said about music.
And I think.. yes,Yasmin Ahmad a lil anti-Melayu fanatic.. but no, she didn't studied barat-ala-arab..
third, al-Qaeda means Jamban.
mmm..
I am not so much of blind lover am I? (sorry in english).. in UIA they brainwash us with english.. to make us less malay and more muslim.
Anonymous in UIA they "to make us less malay and more muslim" I think u mean more Arabic.
UIA = Universiti Ikut Arab?
The UIA is the source of trauma for many young Malays.
They are put into a unreal arabic world. When the arabs culture is waning.
Thus the freedom of choice, of pleasures sit uneasily with them until they decide to form their own Islam.
Which is natural when u think that arab culture of the 4th century is a strange way to live.
This is the 21 century! Disease and natural disaster are more clearly understood so the fear of the unknown of the Arabs are not relevant anymore.
Why English, the language of modern Christianity when the language of heaven is Arabic?
Who said that? The arabs of course and if you believe that you will believe anything...haha
By the way is Lubna that arab confused tudung wearing concert dancing girl..yeah..tipikal confused malay girl.
Islam isn't Arabic religion..doesn't you read history..why the Arabics can accept Islam? They can do pray but the thing that made then can't embrace Islam was it is against their culture..Arabic culture..killing baby girls, drunk..etc..
Reading your post..How I thanked to be me..My Islam that I know will bring me SYAHID without any fear!
Maybe.. some people like you too might misunderstanding about Jihad as well ..Oh God! Give them Your Guide that is much better than me..amiin..
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