Malaysian Chinese Stereotypes

I have a lot of chinese friends. Most of my best friends are chinese. My ex-stepdad is also chinese so I celebrated Chinese New Year at his hometown at Sandakan a few times. Our culture, state of mind and attitude is so different that it is not surprising to see how the chinese and malays are living seperate lives.

Like the malays, chinese people have adopted various mindsets and some even have evolved to live their lives with a more enlightened way of thinking.

But like the malays, most chinese have not inched a bit from their old ways. Here are some of my insights of streotypes of Malaysian chinese that are still prevalent to this very day:

1. Kiasu maniacs on the road. Oh yes, the chinese are still no.1 on the road. You might argue that malays and indians are also kiasu but the simple truth is they learned it from the master of kiasuism: the chinese. Even the word kiasu is Hokkien for 'afraid of losing'.

2. Would rather bribe than to go through the system. The thing is, most chinese are financially competent and they can actually afford to bribe when running into legal hiccups. Speed ticket, jail, you name it! I've seen one too many cases of chinese people bribing their way out of legal predicament. And as a son of a contractor, I can tell you that for most chinese businessmen, bribing is their way of life.

3. Connections connections connections. Because almost everything sold in Malaysia are transacted by chinese businessmen, the chinese are very well connected. They even have their own persatuan or association that gives out loan for new businesses to flourish. Check out their business cards, they literally have thousands.

4. They smell funny in the morning. That's because most chinese do not take morning baths. I'm not sure why this is but a chinese friend told me that it is because they are too busy making money in the morning to take baths. Hahaha! Touche~

5. They have small penises. I've showered in open stalls in 3 schools before and so far, I still hold the rumour as believable. Most chinese have relatively smaller penises than other races in Malaysia. Not all okay... most. I think this is a result of evolution because for centuries, the chinese have been holding back from making a lot of babies. Smaller penises have higher sperm trajectory rate, which makes reproduction a lot easier.

6. They have poor hygene. I won't exactly agree 100% with this stereotype because like us malays, even the chinese have different cleanliness standard. And for those who don't know this, they actually wash their asses like everybody else in Malaysia, with water.

7. Thinks malays are lazy. They do! Really. The chinese are by far the most hardworking race in Malaysia so it is natural for them to get pissed off when the malays get pampered with incentives, scholarships and government loans.

8. They always want to migrate. The issue here has nothing to do with national loyalty. For centuries, the chinese migrate to other nations to enjoy a better standard of living. They migrate when they think that the economical state in their home is too dense for further progress. The most popular migration choice today is Australia and Canada.

9. They are cheats and liars. Although this is a very common stereotype, the truth is the chinese only cheat and lie when it comes to business. And they only do so to people who are either naive or ignorant about the product in question. Malays are of course easy targets because most of them are both naive and ignorant.

10. They are mini Hitlers. Chinese bosses are famous for being ruthless, insensitive and cold. I personally think that this leadership style is a necessity for the chinese because of their general lack of self control. This is why countries populated by a huge percentage of chinese people impose super strict laws under impenetrable goverments like China and Singapore. Countries with more democratic freedom like Hong Kong and Taiwan are homes to the biggest and most profitable triads and gangs.