Annoying Malaysian Drivers

1. Makcik. Anyone can be a Makcik. Yes, even you, you 40 something old man! Makcik is a driver who hesitates everytime he/she makes a turn or changes lane. It seems like a simple right turn to Lorong Perda is consequential to the Makcik's upcoming future. "Will I find Mr Right along this lorong or will I fall into a larger than life manhole and die? Think think think..."

2. Tailgater. I was driving a Kancil on the left lane when a lorry appeared from the highway. The traffic light was red so I stopped but the lorry kept nudging forward and got so damn close to the Kancil. I'm on the left lane lah macha... Wadehel! (assuming the lorry driver is indian. I know. So damn racist) When I got closer to the traffic light, the lorry accelerated and braked when it is a few centimeters away from the Kancil. Ba alif ba ya punya tailgater!

3. Akak. Akak has something in common with Makcik. Both of them are big time hesitators but Akak hesitates because he/she is either on the phone or texting 'abg, hunny lupa beli kerret so abg belikn kt kedai ahseng tu ; p' Akak is more dangerous than Makcik because they are easily frightened. Once they realise that a lorry is beside them after they finished sms-ing, they will lose control for a few seconds before regaining their composure. What if you're in the car on the other lane? Tak ke mampos tu?

4. Anak Datuk. Young teenagers in expensive cars who thinks their bapak owns the road. Know your anak Datuk: They are equipped with cool shades, wears un-ironed designer T-shirts and RM1280.99 flip flops. It's hard to detect them because they look like any other scruffy teenagers wearing RM10 pasar malam flip flops. They are the ones that mysteriously appear from behind when you're trying to overtake a vehicle. They will flash their lights and when you rush to the left lane, they will do something that makes you boil like a pot of cooked maggie; they will smirk.

5. Keling. You don't have to be indian to be a Keling, really. Keling is a term used to describe a driver who drives a small car but drive as though they're driving a merc or a lorry. They will tekan minyak their tiara/kancil/kenari/whathaveyou as if they're chasing after a villain (you can see their cars trembling like mad) They are also very dramatic in their car. If you're too slow to give way, they'll glare at you like you'd just slept with their wife. The only thing missing when a Keling is driving are claps of thunder.

6. Lebai. Lebai are drivers who wears an attire that makes them look religious like serban, jubah etc but drive like satans.

7. Chris and RiRi. Fighting couples are not only dangerous drivers, they are also potentially fatal. The root of their problems could be anything, from smell of new perfume to a rolling gossip. If you're driving behind them, you will see RiRi doing all the shouting and Chris will appear stoned with his hands surgically attached to the steering wheel. RiRi will quiet down and say something final in a sarcastic whisper that pierces through Chris's heart like "You're small down under anyway.." or "At least he rocked my boat till it sinks.." At this moment, you might want to find an excuse to park beside the road because an accident will soon commence.

8. Frat Party. You know how it is when a group of undergrads takes on the road. With their amounting egos at stake, even an innocent overtaking can trigger a mentos-coke reaction. It is best to smile at them or better, give them a 'best' gesture. These simple gestures will have a reverse effect on them (if you ignore them, they will think they've won over you.) and they will think of their mothers or their upcoming exams.

9. Ah Long. Aeroback spoiler: check. Dragon sticker: check. Spiky blonde hair: check. Shades with sharp edges: check. An Ah Long is driving. Give the shark some space to roam. Oh look a police car! Sharks becomes anchovies (ikan bilis).

10. Penangites. They are the embodiment of all the mentioned types of drivers. Their kiasu attitude and impatience is strictly a Penang thing. Pay them no heed because they don't give a rat's ass anyway. It's their way of life. You can't force a malay to work harder or a chinese to take a shower in the morning or an indian to stop embellishing. It's how they are, that's all.