Freedom

Merdeka.

Today Malaysia turns 52. I can already hear fire crackers outside. I don't feel anything. I can't force myself to feel happy, because I'm not. I'm too selfish to think about the sentiments revolving today. Because I'm too preoccupied thinking about myself and what I do. I don't believe in nationalism. Nationalism breeds hatred and rivalry. Just look at ASEAN. Try and compare ASEAN with EURO. What a world of difference!

I'm frustrated with myself today. I feel alone today. Today I feel untalented, undignified and underrated. I'm frustrated with the direction I'm going. I am somehow going to where I'm supposed to go but it's all just too slow. I'm too slow. I'm nearing a quarter of a decade and I haven't achieve anything substantial. The world is spinning wildly. Clubbers are swallowing ectasy pills. Rural folks are chewing paan. I'm sitting here blogging about how unhappy I feel about myself today. Of all days. Today.

I'm still very much caged. I locked myself up. I looked outside and see the wonders of the world whizzing by and I can only watch. The key is in front of me but I won't budge. This is how I feel right now.

Go ahead, enjoy Merdeka Day. I will be right behind you right after I resolve this emotional dilemma.