When Good is Never Good Enough

Fact: Just because you know what is considered good or bad, that doesn't mean you are able to produce something good and steer away from making anything bad. Just because you love to watch an acclaimed film that has a distinction of being a creme de la creme, it does not mean that you are able to match any aspect of that particular film.

This is a lesson I learnt early on, when people around me (maybe because they think their opinions will shape my understanding of film) dissed films that they personally think are rubbish. When engulfed in a heated discussion of 'bad films' I will just nod. Nod. Nod. Nod.

When asked about my favourite 'bad film', my answer is always the same: Mine. I've always hated my shorties, not all of them of course but most of them. And then I will tell them that I am not trying to fish for compliments by dissing my own stuff but it's just how I feel. Nothing I do is ever good enough to win my vote.

I realise that I've only started making shorties (shorties = short for short films) and my experience as an amatuer filmmaker is 3 months shy of its 3rd birthday. I also know that I have a long way to go until I can showcase my stuff internationally. Imma slow learner yo. I am not a genius. I do not possess the ability to visualise an end product before its production. I don't have a film midas touch. I learn the trade the hard way, mostly by trial and error. So in a sense, everything I made in the past were all mistakes, mistakes to be corrected for future projects.

Projek Merdeka Adik is due tomorrow! The end product of PMA (short for Projek Merdeka Adik) is not at all satisfactory for its many flaws but it's my first project that involves 58 people. I had so much fun shooting PMA but had a horrid time editing the whole thing. Ergh, only God knows the banshees of emotions that possessed me during the editing process. Tomorrow, tomorrow!